Oblivion (A Stiles Stilinski/Teen Wolf Fanfiction) [3]

Chapter 54 - Purple Veins

 I guess I just always thought that Stiles and I would be the ones to get through this thing together. All the way to the end, I mean, not just the breaks between the bad things. We had the potential, too. But, I guess even the strongest bridges have their breaking point.

 I was going to leave, Eric and I searching for somewhere peaceful to live for once. However, after Stiles and I's argument, I've decided to do something far less selfish. Although, people are still going to be hurt by my choice -- probably more hurt than they've ever been in their entire lives -- I'm sticking with it. I know deep down in my soul that it is truly what's best for everyone. Eventually, at least. I just hope they can understand.

 Stiles wouldn't answer my calls or texts, and when I went back over to his house the Sheriff said he wasn't sure where he'd gone off to. He let me wait in Stiles' room though. I said on his bed, the same bed where we shared so many intimate moments, softly crying into his old lacrosse hoodie that I liked to wear because it smelled like him. 

 I'd been sitting here for nearly an hour. The Sheriff had left awhile ago, but Stiles was still unheard from. I know he's avoiding me. It just hurts knowing that I'm not going to get to say a proper goodbye. He still deserves one, at least.  That's why I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and began writing the hardest thing I've ever had to write.

 I started out with, "My Dearest Stiles," but something about it just didn't sound right, so I crumpled it up and got a fresh piece of paper.

 Dear Stiles,

 There's really no easy way to put this, but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and I pray that one day you'll find a way to forgive me, to understand why I did what I did. I wish I could have said goodbye to you in person, but maybe this will be easier in the end. This way you won't be able to talk me out of it.

 I don't want you to feel guilty about this, because I know you'll find a way to make yourself responsible. This isn't your fault. There's nothing you could have said or done to make me think differently. This is my choice and I want you to be proud of me, not sad. Please Don't be sad about me. I want you to remember me and smile. I want you to smile because we shared something really special that will never go away, even if I do.

 This is so much bigger than me, bigger than all of us.

 I want you to be okay, to be happy. You deserve happiness again, especially because you gave me so much of it. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you. Please don't ever forget that, how much I love you.

 I never thought it would end this way, but I know that no matter what I do someone is going to get hurt. If I leave it's you, but if I stay it's me. I'm tired of hurting. That's why I'm doing the only thing left to do. It may hurt the most people, but i know it's the right decision in the end. Saving Allison is what I have to do.

 Tell the others I'm sorry too, sorry that I couldn't have been a better friend. That's why I'm making this sacrifice. Allison deserves to be here more than I do. She's the real hero. I'm not afraid of dying -- okay maybe I am, just a little -- but my family will be there with me. I know they will. I'll get to see them again. That makes me happy.

 I never meant to hurt you, Stiles. I'll still be with you, on the other side, making sure no harm comes your way like I was supposed to do when I was living. I'll finally get to meet your mom. I can't wait to get all of the embarrassing baby stories out of her that your dad was too nice to spill.