Oblivion (A Stiles Stilinski/Teen Wolf Fanfiction) [3]

Epilogue

              ~THIRD PERSON POV~

 He can never really stop thinking about her, not completely anyway. Some days are better than other. He can look at the void in his bed where she used to sleep and feel almost okay about it. Almost. Other days he just curls up with one of her cardigans and cries until his body is so numb it feels like he's been hit by kanima venom again.

 Eric left for South America, most likely to be with Cora, although he never did say for sure. Stiles is kind of glad he's gone, because seeing Eric made him think of Emma, and when he thought of her he was painfully reminded that she's no longer on this earth. He wishes he didn't have to think of her that way, but it's almost too soon not to.

 He's been finding reasons to smile, though. Or at least he's been trying...for her. Eric gave him the strip of pictures he and Emma had taken at the mall photo booth what seemed like a whole lifetime ago. He doesn't tell anyone that he keeps the pictures under his pillow, not even Scott. It just feels like something that should be kept just between him and Emma. It's oddly personal like that.

 He wishes that he wasn't so sad about her, because he knows she wouldn't want him to be, but he just misses her so much. He hadn't felt an ache in his chest like this since his mom died, and that's saying something. Emma just seemed to find a way to fill the mom-sized hole in his heart, but in all the right ways. It's like that beautiful piece of himself he allowed to grow back when he fell in love with her died when she did.

 Allison feels an overwhelming guilt about the whole thing, and Stiles gets that. He really does. He just can't look at her without having the selfish feeling that it should be Emma in front of him, not her. He knows it's not Allison's fault, but it's not his fault he feels that way either. Emma gave up her life in order to save Allison's, and that's a truly beautiful thing, but Stiles wishes it hadn't happened. He hates himself for it.

 In all honestly, if it weren't for Scott and his dad, he probably would have ended it as soon as she did. It would have been so easy, too. He could have stolen his dad's gun or taken one too many Aspirin tablets dangerously mixed with whiskey. It wouldn't have been just for Emma, either. It would have been for all the people he hurt and even killed. He would give anything to do for Emma what she did for Allison. Anything.

 Sometimes, if he's feeling up to it, he has enough courage to think back to the moment he realized he'd fallen in love with her. Although, it strikes a chord in his chest because it hadn't been until she died the night of the formal that he became fully aware of his feelings. It was strong and deep and it kind of felt like a truck hitting him sideways, but it also felt so amazing. Right before him was this person that seemed to make the world shine a little brighter. She had taken everything he'd ever known and flipped it upside down, but in a good way that challenged him and made him work because if he didn't he would lose her. He didn't want to lose her.

 He always thought that Scott was his other half, and maybe he still is, but Emma was his better half. She brought out the best in him and he knows he owes her so much for that. She helped him to open up and find a way to love deeply again, something he'd been hesitant to do since his mom died. He doesn't regret it. He could never regret falling in love with her.

 Part of him keeps hoping that this has all just been in his head, a long and drawn-out nightmare. It happened to him before, where bad things happened in his dreams. But then he counts the fingers and his hands and when he realizes that there's only ten he knows he can't keep lying to himself. It's real. Emma being dead is real. Although, that doesn't make it any less of a nightmare.

 His friends know that he's not quite the same person he was before it all happened, and not just Emma's death. Something dark and terrible took over his body, made him do things that will haunt him for the rest of his life. He can't help that he's different now. He's still Stiles, but he's changed.