Shadow | BTS

22

I was looking at myself in a mirror. This grey sweater looked amazing on me but I just couldn't go out to meet her like that. I needed grey suit. 

Only 15 minutes left. Time flies so fast.. If I could stop it.. 

"Perfect" I said. "I look so handsome" I smiled.

I did everything as soon as possible and left my place. One thing was missing. 

Flowers.

I bought a bunch of  light blue with some purple flowers. It was her favorite color. I just had to. 

I knew she will be so happy. I was riding my car while smiling like a crazy because I was dreaming about her. About our future, our first trip, our home and our first song together. I wanted to awake seeing her beautiful face. I wanted to bring breakfast in her bed. 

And I will. 

I stopped my car and went out. She was almost  here, I saw her. She was looking at me with those innocent eyes and I already got lost. She was wearing the same white shirt and light blue jacket which I bought for her in Hongdae. 

I was so pleased to see her. 

I waved to her and she waved back to me.

She was smiling  a lot and suddenly started running towards me. 

But then it happened. 

a car.. 

Is this real? Am I dreaming or not? Is it mine's fault? Maybe I could stop that?

But I was standing still..

I woke up. I could feel sweat on my face. I didn't like that. I was feeling very bad inside and I didn't know what is happening. 

"What was that" I said half asleep. It was so cold for me. I'm feeling so weak. I'm sick? 

I just wanted to see Rose as soon as possible. I missed her so much and this nightmare made me feel even worse. She didn't get angry at me anymore when I said how much I love her yesterday but I saw fear in her eyes. She was afraid of losing me and I was afraid of losing her. 

"Hello?" I immediately picked my phone. 

"Hello Jin" it was a girls voice. "Do you want to hang out like we use to do before" she added.

"I'm not interested in you anymore" I said very rude and left my phone on my bed.

Rose, Rose.. I just have to see her. I took a shower very quick, changed my clothes and left my house. I was on my way to metro. 

While standing between a lot of people I just couldn't throw that dream from my head. It was so real.. so so real.. I just have to throw away it from my head because it started hurting me. 

Oh I know why I had this dream.. It is all because of that crazy girl yesterday whom I left long time ago.. I just didn't like her anymore so why I have to be with someone I don't like? Maybe it is selfish but I'm just like that. I just remember the way Rose looked at me yesterday when she said I'm too good for her. She meant it. And it was the first time I felt bad because of someone else. 

Yes.. That nightmare is all because what happened yesterday. I regret it so much now, I really do. Sometimes I feel so lost between my feelings that I can't even express it properly. 

I passed by a street and stopped for a while. 

Traffic lights, cars, people.. It is all strange. 

**

Right after 10 minutes I was waiting till she will open a door for me. 

"Sweetie" I grabbed her face and hugged her. "Are you okay?" I asked and Rose seemed a bit confused.

"Yes, why?" she was curious.

"I'm just asking, maybe you have some spiders inside again?" we giggled together. She took my hand and let me inside. I understood she wanted I'd stay in her place for a while. 

"Let's make pizza together" Rose offered and I nodded my head. It was always so chill with her, I could feel a good atmosphere between us. She was a bit shy with me but I liked it. That's how I understood she is innocent. 

"I'll take products and you'll take a baking tin" she commanded and I smiled because she was so cute. "Oppa, tell me what was your dream when you were kid" Rose added and it made me think a bit. I wasn't thinking about this question nor how to answer it but that nobody hasn't asked me this before. 

"Oppa!" she shouted. 

"I just told you not to call me oppa anymore sweetie" I touched her lips with one finger like in those romantic movies and smiled. 

"You are strange today" she rolled her eyes. 

"That's because I missed you a lot and I bought you this" I surprised her and showed her little teddy bear with a huge red ribbon on neck. 

"He is so cute!" she said and took it from my hands. "Thank you so much" she then gave a kiss on my cheek.

"I'm happy you liked it" I was smiling like crazy. 

I was ready to hug her but my phone started ringing so I received a message.

It was Taehyung. 

No time left, we have to do this tomorrow.