Thoughts At 12AM

12:08AM

I used to always think that youth was something that those that were mature and adult-ed would ever want. And those that dared to grow old and mature even quicker would be the young ones. The young ones wanting to spend countless days up awake late at night. While those adults having the longing of wanting sleep and less stress.

I've gotta admit I was like that at some point in my life. Even if it went to wanting to stay up late, to wanting to wear my mom's makeup, to helping my mom cook. I had the simple fantasy of growing up.

There's times when life won't always treat you right, we know that for sure. But we as people learn to look past our shitty days and horrible hours without coffee. It's a hassle we know. There are certain ways we tend to manage our emotions. We cry, we sit, we silently look at the ceiling, we shove pillows into our face and scream into it so our parents don't hear. And on our low hours, we listen to music...any kind will do. Even if it's just for 30 minutes straight. But at some point, you may or may not notice, but you drift. You drift...to where at some point you fly again. Drifting until you don't even notice you're okay.

We as humans, have the number one instinct to be free. And to feel as through we belong to ourselves. A wise man once said "love is the strongest force in the world possesses; and yet it humblest imaginable." Love can make you. Or love can break you. As people we have the mindset to feel loved and wanted. And as humans we protest against any kind of motion and feeling of being trapped. You could be put into a cage and never know it. You could feel as free as a bird but, once alone, feel a cage wrapped around your torso like vines. There are times where others put you into cages. And there are times where you, yourself, put yourself in a cage. In just pure fear. Or in fear of hurting others. But I am here to tell you that your cage has a key. And your key is found within yourself. To free yourself from your cage. So that you have your everlasting freedom...that leads you towards the start of happiness.

I have come to realize that as I grow old, the world will continue to rotate. The world will continue to spin in its slow scientific way. There are some things I still wish I had my answers to. Will the world really end? What is out there beyond our earth? Is there really ever going to be peace on earth? Will God ever comeback? And was that macaroni and cheese I had last night for dinner, expired cheese? Those were only some of the questions I wish I had my answers to. I've come to learn that with age, we tend to comprehend things differently. That the older we get, the more mature we tend to be. Whether it be taking a break up. Hearing that your friend hurt you. Seeing that you got an D- on a biology quiz. Or simply...just...life in general. We learn and learn everyday. Whether it be big or small. We see the world differently each day. And wake to realize that what we learn sets into mind, stays with us. Even if we just don't know it.

Life...Is just...one big sticky fat gigantic mess. But that's what makes it beautiful and what makes it so close one's heart. And as in Breakfast at Tiffany's would always say, "OK. Life's a fact." That no matter how many times you try sliding it off, nothing about life is hoax or a myth. That nothing about our facts should ever change. We all have our facts. Whether at some point, we felt as though our facts are myths, fake or just a joke. But those fail to realize, that everything that occurred was real and had real special meaning for it. And had it's evidence and all behind it. I think of life as gorgeous portrait. And as the years go by, you begin to paint it little by little. Adding a splash of red there. Or a touch of pink there. A tint of violet there. And if you just step back just a little, you finally get to realize how beautiful it really is. And how much of portrait you have made.

Youth only lasts one so long. And only lasts for what feels like seconds. For me, mine felt like 14. The world has it's ups and downs with youth. But above all...youth is one thing that will forever remain euphoric and beautiful for one's mind. I am ready for my 15 seconds to start...

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you our song of the night...

Moon River by Audrey Hepburn