Thoughts At 12AM

3:56PM

  Okay, okay, okay. I know what you're thinking. WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU?!  OKAY! So I know I said that alot of things have happened in the span of literally a goddamn month. Let's start from the beginning. 

  So me and B are no longer together, and we broke up because we chose to be friends and really see ourselves as besties. Still love him.  So call me reckless, call me stupid... I didn't want to really let B go, so I posted a Lipsi link on my story...And in result I was able to talk to an old friend of mine. 

  So we got to talking and he asked me out...And he asked if I lived close to his old friend and he wanted to come and see me. And that day I went to school and did my usual schedule and stuff. I came home around 3:30.  I told him to wait for me outside and call me when he got there. And he called me. We said hi and he hugged. And he was talking to me and we um...we...kissed. YOU WHAT?!!!!!  Y-yeah... I know, I know I WAS AN IDIOT. And we talked about school and chill stuff. 

 Then all of a sudden my dad runs up and pushes him to the ground. I freak out and scream. He's freaked out about the situation and he just leaves. And that's not the worst part...

 We walk to the house and he says " Don't talk to me Juliett." And I full on scream "What the hell was that for?!" And he says " How fucking dare you?! Call this young bastard to the fucking house?!" Keep in mind, I told him to wait for me at the outside of the grass field. 

Anyways...He argues with me calling me a "slut" and a "whore". Saying that I would be just like my mother. Having a child at such a young age. And I was pissed that he was talking about my mother like that, that I yell at him. Saying that he has no room to say shit to me or about my mother like that. 

  He was so angry on the way I raised my voice at him...that, for once in his life, he had slapped me. And I walk out on him and he chose to apologize to me for what had happened. He heals my face for hitting it. 

  But later that night, he said sorry. And for me, I couldn't take his apology. So I just said yeah, and left and headed into my room. I was more shocked more than anything, I could give less of a shit if he had said "sorry" and had actually meant it. And I fell asleep and woke up the next morning. I had never felt more dead in my life. 

  And on the car ride to school, I had told him that I wanted him to leave me. Call me over dramatic and call me a total drama queen but...He is known to be violent and harsh in the past not with me, but with my family and friends. And he has been hitting my mother for awhile. 

  So my mother had picked me up for the weekend, and I had told what had happened. And my mother was so fucking mad. And demanded for me to stay with her for awhile. And things changed for ahwile. 

  I stayed with my mother for awhile and I lived in a house, apartment, and a friends house. But...I was able to make sacrifices and lose lots but at the end of it...I learned. 

  But guys, remember that you're all you have left. That when shit goes down and when you begin to lose faith in yourself. Learn that you're all you've got left. 

This one's made me love myself more that what I already do. 

tomorrow's another day but a better one at that.

I missed doing these. :')

Song of the night?

2!3! (Still Wishing For More Good Days) by BTS

Have done dirty deeds

Observing how you act

Soon you'll cease to exist