Forever

The Funeral

Mary's point of view
I woke up with Francis laying with his head on my chest like it had been for the past two weeks. His arms were wrapped around my waist. My night gown was wet from his crying again, my pillow was wet from crying with him. I hate seeing him like this. I feel like I can't do anything to help him. I know if I told him he would say he was sorry I felt that way and it was in no way my fault but it was. I couldn't shake the feeling that if I simply went right inside of left then he would be alive. And my husband wouldn't be in such pain. Here I am supposed to be supporting and consoling him and I, I just feel so helpless. I don't want to see him in pain. I don't know how he always manages to keep it together when he's comforting me because I couldn't do that and keep my eyes dry. I want to help him but I don't know how. He always tries to spend as much time as he can with our children but lately he has spent every possible spar moment. It helps him feel better. I mean Madelyn is taking it worse then James. James semi understands that he will be king and he wants to be strong for his country. Madelyn is crying non stop and is spending all her time with Cathrine because she's afraid she's going to die too. Francis started to move around in my arms. Today is going to be extra hard. Henry's funeral is today. Francis won't cry in public but he will be extremely sad when we get back to our room. He raised his head and looked at me. "Good morning." I said "Good morning." He said then kissed my cheek. "Are you doing okay?" I asked "I just want to get this day over with." He said "I understand." I said "I'm sorry I have been so distant lately mar." He said, I don't mind it but he has been calling me mar instead of Mary lately. He still calls me Mary in public and a few times in private but mainly it's just been mar. I guess it's the same as me calling him francy. "You haven't been distant, Your just grieving." I said "I know I am but I just feel like I have been distant." He said "I don't feel that way." I said "Okay." He stroked my cheek. "Are you ready for today?" I asked "Honestly?" He said "Honestly." I said "I just want it to be over, I feel like once I bury him and say good bye I'll have closer." He said "Well that's good honey, closer is good." I said, there was a moment of silence. "We should probably start getting ready." I said, he kissed me so passionately. He moved his lips from my cheeks down to my jaw line then to my neck. He rubbed up and down my inner thigh with his fingers. "Mhm Francis." I said just lightly enough so he could hear me. He was just about to say something when Madelyn came in. I pushed Francis off of me. "Mommy can you help me get ready for grandpa's funeral?" She looked like She was crying and she was dragging her teddy bear behind her. "Yes of course I can Madelyn." I went over and picked her up. "I'll be back soon Francis." I said, he nodded. Madelyn laid her head on my shoulder as we walked to her room, I peaked in James's room and her nanny was getting him ready. I set her down on her bed and got her black dress off the chaise. I put it on her then put her hair half up half down and put a black cloak on her it because it's freezing out. I put her little tiara on top. "I have to go get ready so you can go sit in my room if you want." I said. "I want to do that." She said, she wrapped her arms around me and we walked back to my room. She's so sad lately and it's making me sad. She's usually so full of life and happy but not right now. Francis was in the bathroom, the door was slightly cracked so I could see him. I set Madelyn on my bed and she started playing with her teddy bear. I got my black dress off the bed and changed into it. It was strictly black with long sleeves and a turtle neck. I went into the bathroom and Francis was in a whore riding shirt with a black jacket over top and black fur draping his shoulders, he has is crown on and he looked so kingly. I felt like some how he got stronger and taller and more Manley looking. If that's even possible. He had black pants and black boots on. "Are you doing okay?" I asked "Yeah." He slightly smiled "Come here." I pulled him into a hug. "I love you." He whispered "And I You." I whispered back. "Did Madelyn stop crying?" He quickly wiped away his tear. "Yes, she's playing on our bed now." I said "Well if everyone's ready we should probably get going." He said "Your right." I said "one second." He said "Yes?" I asked "I was wondering if we could spend a little time alone tonight." He said, if he means what I think he means we haven't had sex in almost a month. "Francis we spend time alone every night." I smiled softly, he smiled and placed his hand very low on my waist. He leaned down and moved his mouth to my ear. "I meant some married people alone time." I could tell he was smiling one because of the tone of his voice and two because he cheek touched mine. "I wouldn't protest to that." I smiled "Well I wanted to earlier but then gods gift to us came in and ruined it." He laughed with his lips still nearly a millimeter away from my ear, I started giggling. He leaned in like he was going to kiss my ear then decided against it. He faced me again and held my hands. "I just wanted to say thank you for putting up with my dreary mood these past couple days. I promise I will be back to my old self soon." He said "Francis your being yourself your just being a side of my husband I've never seen before, grieving." I said "I know, I just feel like, I don't know. Like I'm going to be like this for a while and then I'm going to turn into my father and hate you like my mother hated my father." He said "Francis" I held his face in my hands. "we have to strong of a relationship for our love to ever, ever turn into hate." I said, he nodded his head. "I love you." I said "I love you too." He said "Can you get Madelyn and James down to the carriage? I need to take care of something." I said, he kissed me. "Of course." He smiled "it's good to see you smile." I smiled, he smiled then walked out. As soon as he and Madelyn were gone I went over to the sink and puked. I'm pregnant. I kind of thought I was. It was either that or my period was late and my period is always on time. Should I tell Francis to give him something good to look forward to? What if I lose the baby? More mourning? More crying? I don't know. I put a black cloak on then my crown. I wiped my face and went down to the court yard. I got in the carriage where my husband and children all ready were. "Hello." I said "Mommy will the carriage ride be long?" James asked "Only a few minutes." I said, after a few minutes we arrived at the church. We were escorted into the seats. Once Henry's body was rolled in Madelyn and James started crying. Francis kept a straight face. I placed my hand on top of his. He looked up at me. I could tell what he was saying. 'I would smile at you but people would think I'm weird if I smile at my fathers funeral'. I nodded my head letting him know I knew. He brought my hand up to his mouth a kissed it when no one was looking. Madelyn sat on Francis's lap and cried in his arms. James just cuddled in my lap. I looked at Francis. 'I love you' I mouthed 'I love you' he mouthed back.