Arranged- (s.m)

A million pieces

I just had my cup of coffee and laid on the couch curled up as my head was pounding. I slept in till three in the afternoon and I was glad I didn't have to go to work today. Shawn was in his office working since I've been awake.

He took care of me last night but barely spoke to me this morning. I was too exhausted to fight with him so I sat quietly watching re runs of friends which was the only thing making me feel better.

I seen Shawn putting his boots on and grabbing his car keys. "Oh hey where are you going?" I ask and he turns around. "To Hana's" he replies.

"Oh why are you going there?" I ask and he sighs.

"To see Skylar" he says snaps.

"Why don't you bring her here?" I ask.

"Because your sick and Hana doesn't want Skylar to get sick" he snaps.

"Oh do you have to because you went two days ago- not that you can't, but I thought maybe we- c-could relax together because I'm sick" I say trying not to sound selfish.

"It's not about you all the time Serenity, she's my daughter and I'm gong to see her" he grits emphasising the 'my' even though every other time her said 'our'.

"Oh ok" I say quietly and I just sink back into the couch watching him leave. I really didn't know why he was being moody the last few days, I didn't do anything.

I sighed before tears rolled down my cheeks, all I wanted was him to sit and give me attention. I know Skylar is his main priority but that last couple of days he's been so distant I didn't like it. I was so used to having all of his attention and sitting with him all the time, I' didn't like being this distant from him.
_

After having a nap and sobbing I got up and washed my face. I took some painkillers and made myself soup but I needed some fresh air. I got dressed in some warm clothes, I grabbed my purse and headed out of the door.

After taking a walk and getting fresh air I decided that tonight I was going to tell Shawn that I love him, the last couple of days he's been upset and distant.

I really wanted to break down the barrier and just make everything more normal again and re assure him that I was here for him even if he wasn't ready to say it back to me because I really didn't care but I had to get it off my chest and tell him how I felt.

I went to the florist and brought some blue tulips for him, I know flowers are something you give boys but I think he might like them. I brought some chocolates and a red heart balloon. I wanted to keep it cute and simple.

Once I was back home I put everything into the bedroom nicely and while he was still out I pulled out the little sketch I started a few days ago and on the back of it I decide to write a cute letter for him.

As I was writing the letter, I was getting emotional writing all my feelings out on go the paper. I folded it up and put it into my pocket because I was still indecisive whether to give it to him or not. However I left chocolate, flowers and balloon on the desk in our room.

I sat on the couch waiting anxiously for him to come back. My heart was pacing as I was so nervous to tell him but I was going to tell him today whether he said it back or not but I just want to let him know.

I heard the door and my heart was beating fast and my palms were getting so sweaty. He went straight to his office slamming the door and I knew he was mad but I still had to talk to him and maybe help him calm down.

I took a deep breath before opening his door and letting myself in. He was sat on his chair scribbling on some paper looking very stressed.

"How was it with Skylar?" I ask and he sighs.

"Good" he replies coldly.

"Shawn I really don't know what is even happening to you but I'm sorry if I have said or done anything, because I don't like being this distant from you" I say and he sighs.

"But I'm here to talk if you need anyone to talk to, you can tell me if your stressed about Skylar" I say with a weak smile.

"I'm fine" he says and I just nod.

"So what did you guys do? Did Hana find her the monkey because I remember Hana telling me that Sky lost it-" I trail off before he cuts me off.

"Why are you so hung up on what I did with Skylar?" He snaps and I look at him confused.

"I just wanted to know how your day was since, you were gone most of the day leaving me" I say quietly.

"Not everything is about you. Do you ever think about others for once? No it's just me, me, me" he says in a loud tone and I just look at the floor.

"I don't think about myself all the time in fact I put everyone else before me" I say and he scoffs.

"Of course you do, are you insecure just because I've been going to Hana's house a lot" he says in a mocking tone.

"No, why would that be a problem? I trust you and I'm not insecure anymore" I say and he rolls his eyes.

"I can see the insecurity and jealously in your eyes" he says and I couldn't believe what he was saying saying all these ridiculous accusations.

"What? Stop being ridiculous. I don't even know where you are getting this all from Shawn! but can we just forget that please and cuddle on the couch or something" I say and he shakes his head.

"I'm ridiculous? You literally sound so jealous as insecure but you need to chill the fuck out" he yells for no reason and I can't even understand why he's picking a fight over nothing.

"Stop picking a petty fight Shawn. I have nothing to be jealous or insecure about, I like Hana" I say weakly and he scoffs. I didn't know where this behaviour was coming from and why he was acting out if order.

"I don't know what you're playing at or why you're being mean to me because it's ridiculous, if there is something wrong why can't you grow some balls and tell me" I yell and he taps his chin.

"Really? You're just so insecure and jealous because they're my real family and she gave me a child and you know you never can!" He yells harshly and I stood there in total shock.

I didn't cry.

I didn't scream.

I didn't say a word.

I didn't look at him.

His harsh words came and attacked my heart and the only thing that I could hear was my heart breaking into a million pieces.

His eyes widen as he just realised what he said and guilt immediately filled in his eyes. I stood up walking out of the office grabbing my phone putting on my shoes.

I hear him running out "Serenity Wait!" He yells.

I open the door and slam it shut behind me before tears pricked and sprung out of my eyes...
_

I got a cab and got to my parents house. I vigorously knocked on door and pressed the bell my mom opened the door. "Serenity oh dear-" she couldn't even finish' her sentence.

I took two steps in before bursting into tears and my heart was beating so fast. His words repeating in my head, a lump forming in my throat as I was running out of breath.

"Honey what's wrong-" I could hear my mom's voice but it was all muffled as my mind was completely going crazy. Everyone came running to the front door but my tears were making everything all blurry.

I dropped to my knees, chocking on my sobs and I screamed "WHY!" before  my eyes blacking out...