HEDONISTIC

40. The phone call, goodbyes also Matty is a dick.

EDITED.

That day she woke up at 3:00 AM, she couldn't sleep. She felt a knot on her stomach, she tried swallowing the knot by going to the kitchen and drinking orange juice. It didn't really help- all she felt was the sourness in her mouth.

She was sour, bitter, utterly salty: "Fucking dick going to fucking LA to finish a fucking album with his fucking perfect girlfriend" - Frankie thought sitting next to the fridge,  a whole tub of ice cream on her lap making it numb with junk food scarred all around her. The refrigerator light washing all over her body.

Frankie was wearing cheetah print underwear and a big XL fight club t-shirt. Her hair was a mess just like her thoughts. She contemplated calling Amber but they hadn't talk that much that week, she also thought about calling Gerard but he was probably asleep. She thought about calling him. Always him.

Fuck it.

She grabbed a bottle of red from the counter, the halfway eaten ice cream tub, a fuzzy blanket and stumped her way to the garden sitting on the bench that still had her mom's ashtray on the side. She took a deep breath looking at the now gray sky.

She looked at her phone, she called him.

At the other side of London Matty was laying wide awake, most of his bags were already made and gabby was fast asleep but he felt uneasy, he could almost feel chocolate brown eyes looking at him through the window but of course was him being paranoid. He had thought about her a lot, he felt guilty: She was a child with too much makeup and a big mouth.

A child that he had sex with. He felt goosebumps on his skin. Frankie wasn't an actual kid but she sure as hell acted like it sometimes and he felt bad cause she fell for him and he did too and everything was a mess because he was with Gabby and Louis still liked Frankie and even though he was still a dick he shouldnt have done that.

He felt his phone ring.

"Hello?" Matty said almost praying that it was her. The other line was silent.
"Hi?" He said again confused, he looked at the phone screen: it was her number.

"H-hi" Frankie said she was looking at the stars gripping her blanket like a child. "Hey" Matt said again for what felt like the 100th time.

"Hi" She sight.

He chuckled. "I missed your voice" He admitted. Her heart skipped a bit, his did too but that was because he felt Gabriella turning underneath the sheets he decided it would be wise to leave the room.

"Thanks, I guess" Frankie said with rosy cheeks both because of Matty and the cold."How are you?" Frankie asked trying to act like the civilized adult that both Matty and herself knew she wasn't.

"I'm, I'm good. The album has being turning out great, the process is always scary. George had a mental breakdown recently." He said trying to divert the subject of conversation the farthest from himself.

"Oh" Frankie looked at her bitten fingernails. "How is he?" "He is better."
"That's... good?" She said, almost asking. She didn't know what to do with that information.

" Look Frankie I.. This... well us it was something that shouldn't have happened" Matty said in a regretful voice. "I know" Frankie said as a matter of fact. "But it did, there is nothing we can do about it."

"I know" Matty said. "Look, I love you ok?" Frankie made a dramatic pause to take a swing of the cheap wine. "I know you love me too and it's bad and fucked up, believe me I know but I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to figure your shit out, I'm tired ok? Of you with Gabriella and your songs and what the fuck I'm I supposed to think Matty??" She said getting frustrated.

"I-I don't love you" He said timidly, he was met by silence. "What?" Frankie laughed, thinking Matty was joking. He was expecting anything but that. "You don't?" She snorted. "You have a weird way of showing that, you fucking confuse me. You write songs about me without lyrics and kiss me when you girlfriend is downstairs with your mom but you don't love me?"

Now she was met by silence.

"I like you, I truly do. I don't love you" He chuckled, she stayed silent. "You didn't truly believe I did? How diluted " He whispered the last part and again was met by silence. He sigh. "Frankie look there is a difference between liking someone and loving them. The two feelings differ in their actuality and intensity, final outcome."

Frankie felt small, like a child. She didn't understand half of the things he was saying and she didn't want too, her heart hurt in every way posible and he was still yapping about it not caring or understanding how bad that made her feel.

"Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love and I'm addicted to you." He whispered.

"You are?" She was confused and her head was spinning and she was hurt and all she knew what that Matty was a dick. "Yes" He said. " and I guess that's better than nothing." She felt like the child that she was.

"I guess this is goodby then?" Frankie said looking at the stars listening to his soft breathing. It was him, always him.

"Yeah, I guess it is."