Falling Beginning

Chapter 39.

Falling Deeply

[Adam's POV]

Nea feels distant, I don't know if it's only my own self conscious, but it seems she distanced herself from me. We're now at Lee's family house and Nea seems happier than a few days before. She speaks lesser as the day goes by and she spends most of her time staring or daydreaming. I once saw her Spotify playlist that she listens to these days and there's a bunch of heart-wrenching songs.

Is it because I'm too busy with my business and she feels neglected? 

Whenever I ask, she will say she's okay, and when I trapped her to speak her mind she will just change topics. A hand taps me on my shoulder and I found Bella looking at me as she sits next to me.

"Staring at your wife non-stop are you?"

"No, I'm just trying to.."

"Figure her out?"

I whipped my head at Bella and she scoffs, "You have that trying-to-read-her-mind face you know. Even Fay notice that." I turn to look at Fay who's now sitting on my other side after Nea goes to her parents and talk with them. Her happy face somehow looks wrong.

Did I just think that?

"She's sucked at hiding her feeling isn't she?" Fay says and Bella nods.

"Is she always like that?" I ask them and they both smile sadly.

"Yeah, she tends to keep her feeling to herself. She's not like that before, though." Bella says and I turn to look at her, "Why did she change then?"

"We don't know, but it started two years ago," Bella says as she looks at Nea and her eyes show sadly.

"She had a hard time two years ago. We are not there for her." Bella says as she looks at her hands.

"She shuts people out for a month. All she does is work and sleep as soon as she comes back home. She didn't speak to any of us except for important things. Even I could see her darkness at that time, she's so negative and gloomy." Fay explains and my eyes found Nea still laughing as she talks to her parents.

"Nobody knows what happen?" I ask them both without looking away from Nea and she senses my eyes as her eyes found mine for a second before she looks away immediately. I feel disappointed and hurt by her actions.

"I'm at University at that time, and Fay is busy with transferring school while our parents are busy adapting to the new surroundings, works, and home. So practically nobody knows except for her. When I'm back for a holiday, she became a whole new person instead of my sweet little sister Nea." Bella chokes as she tries to stay calm.

I look at both of them who are trying hard not to cry and I put both of my arms to their shoulders, giving them strength and comfort.

"I feel guilty because I'm occupied with my own life and not sensing her hard times, although I'm so near her, unlike Bella." Fay wiped her tears quickly before it rolls down her cheek.

"It's not just you Fay, I do too. I'm also feeling guilty that she had to carry the responsibilities which supposed to be mine because I'm the big sister, but instead I let her carry it for me and I enjoying my University life." Bella says and lets out a big sigh.

"She even pushed out Mark and Tia at that time, her only friends. Not even answering calls or replying text. All she does is listening to her song and lying in the dark. And do you know she had a heart-wrenching playlist?" Fay says in disbelief.

I remember I found her lying in the dark a few times and when I ask her, she just smiles saying she's been thinking. When I ask what has she been thinking, she would change the topics quickly. I don't want to push her if she doesn't want to talk about it, but I don't want her to distance herself from me.

"She's listening to it nowadays, the heart-wrenching playlist," I say, both Bella and Fay whipped their head to me.

"What?" Fay says as she looks at me, her worried expression shows.

"Did you guys fight?" Bella says slowly and I shake my head.

"She seems to distance herself from me these days. I keep asking her what's wrong and what's on her mind, but she is either saying she's fine or change the topics." I rake my hair to the back as I put my head in between my elbow.

"Do you have a guess on what you did that might make her ...like that?" Fay ask and I shake my head, "No, I've been brainstorming and I couldn't guess anything."

Bella sighs as she pats my back to calm me down, "You've to be strong because she's so stubborn. She wouldn't open up. I really hope you would calmly talk to her, although it can be quite frustrating." I sigh and nod a few times assuring both Bella and Fay. 

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We are on our way back home after having dinner at Lee's. I keep on glancing at Nea who's staring outside of the car. I stopped by the roadside for a while.

"What are you thinking hard about?" I break the ice and her hand twitches.

"Nothing, just enjoying the spring view."

I grab the steering wheel, hard, "Why won't you just tell me what's on your mind?"

"There's nothing to tell you about." She looks at me to assure me that she's okay.

"Don't you trust me Nea?" My voice sounded hurt and she looks down instead of answering.

Again, my heart hurts as if she's saying she doesn't trust me with her silence. I remember Bella's words before we exit the house.

"She will want to push you away and hurt your feelings. She will let loose of her grip, but you are the one who should stand firm, don't give up and pulls her back to you."

I hold both of her hands in mine and make her look at me, eye to eye. Her eyes mesmerize me each time and I couldn't get enough of it. I clear my throat as I say, "Nea, baby, I won't ever hurt you in any possible way. I just wish you could open up for me, we say we want to work this out didn't we? How can we work this *pointing at her and me back to back*, if you didn't trust and open up to me?"

"I..I.It's not that I don't trust you. I..I just can't open up.. I'm sorry Adam." Nea releases her hand as she avoids my eyes.

Damn, this hurt like hell. Bella is right, she wants to push people out. But why?

"I won't give up just yet." Nea whipped her head and our eyes met, my eyes show determination.

" I don't want to lose you, so I won't give up. I'll wait for you to open up, patiently." I look at her as I smile and I can see her tearing up but she looks away quickly.

I pull her back to me and I lean my forehead to hers as I rubbed her tears away, "No matter how hard it is, I'll always be here for you. I'll always be waiting for you. I'm yours, forever."

Her silent cries turn to sobs as she jumps to hug me tightly, "I'm sorry." That is all she kept saying while I rub her back, calming her down.

"I'll always be here for you my love." Nea stops crying for a bit before she tightens her grip to me and so as I to her.

I realize something, I always want to make her happy, see her smiles and when she's upset I am too, when she cries I feel broken. I can't stand a day without seeing her or hearing her. I always wanted her close to me, claiming her so that no one can steal her from me. 

I once thought it's impossible to move on from someone who we thought was our world that quick, I even resent Emily when I saw her eyes glinting to that guy that I saw from before, but now I do. I am in fact, falling deeply in love with you, Nea. Even more than when I'm with Emily. Even though I still can't believe it, but you're the center of my world now.

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