glory days ↣ joshler ✓

44. Drink

Josh was sitting on the couch with Tyler, the blue haired leaning against the arm while Tyler laid on his chest. They were watching a movie on the TV and just laying together since Tyler was leaving the next morning. Josh's family had even went out to dinner without him to give them alone time.

Josh began subconsciously trailing his finger along Tyler's tattoo. "Josh, stop," Tyler giggled. "That tickles."

"Mmm sorry, baby boy," he replied with a smirk, knowing Tyler would say something.

"J..." Tyler began.

"What?" He asked innocently.

Tyler sat up and turned so he was facing Josh, moving the latter's legs out of the way so he could sit criss cross. "Hi," he rested his hand on his chin. "I got bored watching the movie."

"Did you just call The Shining boring?"

"Yes," Tyler nodded.

"Okay good cause I thought it was boring too," Josh laughed, sitting up so he could talk to Tyler better.

"I can't believe I'm leaving tomorrow," Tyler whispered, serious look on his face. "It's just now hitting me."

"Yeah," Josh nodded, feeling the mood drastically change. He took the remote off the coffee table and paused the movie before looking back at Tyler. "Are you okay?"

"No, not really."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No..." he took a shaky breath. "Not really."

"I think we should talk about it," Josh suggested.

"This is just going to be way harder leaving now that we're a thing and I don't know anyone there and I'm leaving behind everyone and I don't know I'm panicking," his hand began to shake.

"Hey," Josh grabber one of his hands. "It's okay."

"No it's not, Josh," Tyler replied. "I'm going to be all alone. I don't know how to handle a regular relationship let alone a long distance one!" He stopped for a second to think. "Come to New Jersey with me."

"What?" Josh refrained from laughing after he saw the serious look on his boyfriend's face. "Ty, there's no way—"

"Yes there is. You can come with me and move in to an apartment by campus and we can see each other all the time."

"How the hell am I supposed to pay for that? It was an issue trying to take time off from college there's no way my dad would pay for me to move eight hours away."

"What about your mom—"

"You know she doesn't work and my dad holds on to all the money. As much as she loves us she wouldn't go for that."

"What about me? We both know I can pay for it!"

"Yes because your homophobic ass parents would pay for their son's boyfriend to live by his college campus on his own at the age of 18," Josh deadpanned.

"They don't know we're dating so it wouldn't matter."

"Wait," Josh felt his heart stop. "You didn't tell them we were dating?"

"No..." Tyler looked at him. "I didn't think I had to. I already came out," he paused. "And then I took it back and told them Jenna was my girlfriend and told my mom her and I fucked at the cabin and she fixed my issue..." he trailed off.

"So I'm an issue?" Josh asked, hurt.

"No! Josh! That's not what I meant. You just know how they are."

"I came out to my parents and you told your mom you were fucking the girl who had a crush on you three months ago?" Josh had to hold back from yelling.

"I'm sorry! I'm not ready and we're not going to bed ready at the same time! I needed them to pay for me to go to college!" Tyler stressed. "And they can pay for you to come with me!"

"Tyler even if they did, I'm not capable of living on my own yet that's literally why I'm not going to college! It's stupid for you to think that your parents' money can solve every problem!"

"Oh I'm the stupid one?" Tyler responded.

"That's not what I was—"

"Yeah okay I'm the stupid one for wanting a future with my boyfriend. At least I'm actually going to college and I'm smart enough to get accepted to one! I'm not bumming around at home for the rest of my life feeding off of my parents and being a disappointment!" Tyler yelled.

The room went silent. It was as if the tension building up was a bubble, popping as soon as Tyler made that remark. Josh felt tears fill his eyes, the comment hitting too close to home. He looked up at the brunette with a betrayed look on his face as a guilty one covered Tyler's. "Josh that's not—"

"Give it a rest, Tyler," Josh rolled his glossy eyes. "Is that really what you think of me? A disappointment?"

"No, J—"

"No you're right," Josh felt his face get red with anger. "I guess I am just a disappointment if I thought this was going to work. You can go live it up at an Ivy League school and become a fancy ass therapist while I stay here and bum around at home for the rest of my life! I might as well become a fucking crackhead because that's how you're treating me right now! You can cut the 'I love you too, Josh' shit now! Go on and move away from your whole life and marry a beautiful woman and have kids just so you don't let your precious mommy and daddy down! If you're having to keep our relationship a secret maybe we shouldn't be in one!"

Josh felt tears run down his face and he could barely see through his fury but he did notice Tyler's eyes fill with tears too. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Get off your fucking high horse, Tyler!" Josh spat. "Acting all innocent!" He wipes his eyes vigorously. "Just get out of my fucking house. Take your shit and leave," he picked up Tyler's phone and thrusted it at him before standing up and crossing his arms vulnerably.

Tyler stood up as well and looked at Josh, crying while he did so. "Josh, I'm—"

"Just go!" Josh yelled. Tyler gave a look of defeat before slipping his Vans on and walking out, shutting the door gently behind him.

As soon as he heard Tyler's car pull out he broke down in tears, sliding down against the front of the couch. He put his knees up to his chest and laid his head in his hands as he just sat there and sobbed.

He stayed like that for a few minutes before looking up, feeling snot and tears covering his face. His head felt light and he though he was going to pass out but still stood up shakily and made his way to his kitchen.

Heading towards the cabinet on top of the fridge, he opened it and grabbed out the bottle of Vodka his parents kept up there to mix drinks with on occasion. Josh twisted the lid off and threw it on the counter, taking a gulp of the bottle. He grimaced as he tasted the poison on his tongue but took another swig of it anyway.

Going up the stairs, he kept the bottle in his hand and went into his bedroom before sitting on the floor on the side of his bed that wasn't facing the door. He took another drink of the alcohol as he felt tears stream down his sticky and blotchy face. "Fucking disappointment," he mumbled. Drink. "He knew how I felt and he called me a fucking disappointment," drink. "My dad thinks I'm one. Tyler thinks I'm one. Everyone else probably does too," drink. "And they're right," drink.

Josh stayed like that until he lost all concept of reality, still going even after that. He continued until God knows when, eventually blacking out from either the alcohol or exhaustion.

Guess it was just him being a disappointment.