김태형| Sexologist

3 » Your Desires

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Jokes are only funny when there's no feeling attached.

"N-No." You froze. Your eyes were on locked down, the vulnerability obvious. With another, you send out and said, "no."

"No what?" Mr. Kim tilted his head to the side, consuming your words with his eyes.

"No, he doesn't look deep into my eyes when we make love."

Your eyes started to water a bit, the tears wouldn't stop leaking. Your eyes drip with tears.

The pent-up frustration, the defeat that holds you up, everything inside, just...collapse. "I'm sorry-"

Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from your chin, drenching your blouse. You're trembling. You can't stop. Even as you press your hand against your face to stop the running tears, your hands, it quivers, it clutches.

"I-I." It's raw, everything, raw tears, raw emotions. You can't stop... You can't stop. Why can you not stop crying? "I-I try to enjoy Mr. Kim, I really do. I just- how can I when he can't even say I love you in the middle of something so intimate. Is there something wrong with me?" You continue to cry as you felt a hand on your shoulder.

You looked at Mr. Kim, tissues in his hand. You took them and wiped under your eyes to not mess up the already ruined eyeliner. "I can't believe I'm crying over something so stupid."

"No, it's okay to cry. It's a normal reaction, Mrs. Park." Mr. Kim walked back to his desk, leaning back on the edge of the desk. His eyes were serious. He nudged his glasses up his bridge, lamenting. "Mrs. Park it seems you have a lot of frustration pent up, there are so many things built up. You're not only denied attention from your husband, but you are sexually frustrated. Do you know that frustration can lead to stress Mrs. Park? It eventually leads to situations such as these, it isn't healthy." He paused, clearing his throat, writing down on the clipboard.

"Oh, you are going to be a doozie." He mumbled. He looked back at you, drawing a soft smile. "I'm going to recommend you something okay?"

"Okay." You nod, wiping under your eye some more. You were smiling a little, a smile with a twist to it, like the smile of a child who is determined not to weep.

"I want you to imagine."

"Imagine?"

"Yes, close your eyes right now." He walked closer to you, kneeling in front of you to where you were face to face. "Close those beautiful hazel eyes."

You stared into his eyes for a second, stun from his soft words, you closed your eyes, an unsure exhalation escaped your lips.

"Deep breath."

You nod, inhaling air into your chest and exhaling all the toxic.

You could hear him chuckle, his hands leading around yours. "First picture your husband home, his arms surrounding your body on the soft, firm sofa, what are you two doing?"

Your mouth twitched. You were sure you were fighting a smile. The thought of how it use to be lingering in your head. "We're cuddling, watching Friends for the fourth-hundred time."

"Ooh, Friends, you like Friends? I have this friend who loves the show so much he learned English by rewatching it." Mr. Kim chuckled and clasped down your hand. "What else are you guys doing, what is he saying to you?"

"I-I don't know." You deeply sigh, trying to focus greatly on the vision. "He's saying I love you while loving my cheek softly." You let go of one of Dr. Kim's hands and caress your cheeks tenderly. It's cold to the touch but warms up when your body generates heat. He nods and watches your body get assent into your lucid dream. "There you go, how does his hand feel on your cheek?"