김태형| Sexologist

36 » Forgiveness in You

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"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness."

You lay in the bed, in the pitch darkness of the night, immersed in thought. So Soo-Young was pregnant but had a miscarriage and Taehyung never knew...it's unfortunate.

You lay there in thought the darkroom was like a place out of time, a place to rest without consequence. The darkness in that way was a sanctuary, a place to recharge and forget the things the world said had to be done and so you continue to think. It's sad, it really is. How good things seem to happen to bad people, like the world is made out to get them, to control them, to bring them back to reality and to tell them that everything can't and won't be genuine in life but instead to validate the lesson you learn from it.

He could've been happy, he could've been with her, a girl he cherished, but instead, everything shifted to the left and now he would never truly understood the reason why.

Hmmph, then you wouldn't have met him, you would've just been stuck in a mess of a relationship.

. . .

When the silence begins to eat you alive, right beside you the phone rings, the noise immersed you, fully defeating your brain.

Maybe it's Taehyung.

So without fault, you answered.

"...What?"

"So, you're pregnant...with the therapist baby?" You hear a familiar rumble and your stomach clenches in unexpected distress.

That's not Taehyung...not at all.

Ji-Young...

Be brave Chan-ri, stay strong.

"Yes...I'm pregnant with the therapist baby. Is that a problem with you?"

Ji-young stays quiet. You drink in the silence to counteract the fear that threatens to engulf you. This kind of thick silence would normally chill you, especially on an inky night devoid of even moonlight or stars, but tonight it works like a cure. You feel this...this confidence.

"I see that you're expecting again. Doesn't sound like you want a second chance huh? You seem pretty happy with her."

"I do want a second chance, I'm-"

"Oh fuck that, you don't want me, you just want me because I'm with someone better, someone who will treat me like how I should be treated. You should've thought about me that night."

"Look didn't I tell you it was a mistake, I had one too many-"

"You are so full of bullshit, if it was a mistake why, why are you still with her, why continue on? If you loved me, you would've owned up, why didn't you tell me?! And you know what, if work that day was so stressful, why didn't you just come to your wife, huh?! I could've-no would've given you relief, I would've made you happy and yet...you go out to a bar and drink and sleep with some hoe. It just shows...you didn't love me anymore...you had no faith in me. I was not the women you envisioned."