김태형| Sexologist

34 » Hatred in You

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"The hardest thing in life is to forgive. But hate is self-destructive. If you hate somebody you're not hurting the person you hate, you're hurting yourself. Forgiveness is healing."

He said he loved you and you took him at his word. He said you were his soul mate and over the years you became part of the bedrock of his personality and yet here he was, with another woman and a child that was not connected to you what so ever.

It hurt you, it hurts you and you can't even pull a face for it.

Get over it.

Get over it.

Get over it, you have such a future with a man who's capable of providing the affection you crave, but why won't you get over this one, why linger in the past?!

This stupid, arrogant, man.

You were filled with complete hate for him.

This hatred in you is nothing but a transformation of your shame and insecurities... it is all you hate about yourself yet lack the courage to face.

It is far easier to lose yourself in the theatrics of your mind, casting yourself as the victim and leading lady, than it is to swallow even an ounce of truth, the truth that there's no turning back the clock, there's no asking 'what if's', there's nothing and you build this hatred inside that you know you can't change.

And it just makes you hate him more.

Or what the situation had become.

And then you look over and see her.

A little girl that bears the resemblance of him. She had a smile on her face, her brown eyes seemed to gleam across the room, she had a beam of joy dashing inside of her.

She took a finger and brushed her brunette colored hair aside, as she stared back up at her mother and then at you.

She looked at you, her once fiery eyes doused in ice water, unnervingly making the brown blank.

She probably questioned why you stared so brutally, why a minute of standing here felt like an entirety.

And in all honesty, you wondered the same.

Was this a punishment?

The punishment to confront your inner demons?

To remind you of your stupid mistakes?

To remind you what you might've lost?

Nothing.

You haven't lost anything, shut up Chan-ri!

You're going to do fine.

Just ignore.

Ignore.

"Oh excuse me, I'm sorry for standing in your way." She spoke.

Fuck.

Your eyes trailed up and you saw the women you suspected your husb- Ji-Young was now with. She was the kind of girl that women loved to hate. You. She was an adult but so young that she still had the exuberance of youth. She had that old movie star look, favoring the famous Audrey Hepburn, not overly classy, still a touch of casual. She wasn't just flawless in her bone structure, her skin was like silk over a glass and she radiated an intelligent beauty.