김태형| Sexologist

38 » Ruined & Hurt

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Because nobody goes through life without a scar."

No one told you love would be so difficult to live throughout.

How hard it would be each day.

How many tears you would shed.

When it feels hardest to give love, it is the most important moment to give without measure, but love is a huge price that a person pays for and you think you have suffered well enough.

They say the strain dulls with time, and that things will get better. But how can things be better when the reason the pain doesn't settle. Over time, the memory of his presence has escaped your mind. You no longer see his face in strangers and the things you once shared no longer bring tears to your eyes. If getting past the pain means forgetting him, then you choose to dismiss your entire knowledge of him.

Your only human, you only want to rid of this pain.

It's normal.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

"Seulgi...?" The stillness of the air seemed to suck even the sound of your thoughts into the nothingness of the air. For a long moment, you could not utter a sound, so you could only wait for the voice of Seulgi to repeat itself.

"Chan-ri you need to get here, someone sent this video in everyone's work emails. I-It's...everyone can see it at the job, everyone's playing it. I h-hear you, everywhere." And once she finished her sentence, you hung up. You hung up the phone and stared out at the wall, surrounded by four white walls, there was nothing else to do but stare at them in derision.

You're ruin, your life, your reputation.

Everything.

You became this chilly silence, it was the kind of silence that falls right on you, like someones behind you, watching you, before you get knifed in the back. It sent a shiver down your spine and you felt your blood chill in your veins.

Fearful.

Fear is shackled, fear is a knife in the gut slowly twisted, fear is a constant hammer on the head. Yet fear also evaporates like water under an early summer sun. Like the ghosts of children's nightmares, fear is an illusion, it's the illusion in your mind.

Fearful.

You need to fix this, you can't just sit here.

You get up and make your way towards Taehyung's keys rack that is hanging right next to the front door. You picked up the keys for his Hyundai, they lay in the palm of your hand, metal, and skin together. With a sigh of discouragement, you let your fingers curl around them.

When you placed your hand on the knob of the door, Taehyung protruded up behind you, his browns risen up, his hand pressed the door. "Where are you going?"

You stared into his eyes, staring between you both has become something of an art form. The first to avert their eyes is the loser, and that means subservient, weaker, which was you. You looked down, talking to the floor. "I g-gotta go."

He wore a puzzled expression. "Go where?"

"I-I just have to go Taehyung." Your brain blunders for a moment, every part of you goes on pause while your state of thoughts catches up.

"Tell me where, where are you going?" He asked the question with frank prying.

Your eyes collected and bore tragically every wrongdoing that had been poured upon you, your eyes ceased to be a part of this world as you replied back to Taehyung. "To my job, I need to go to my job and hope that I don't get fired."