김태형| Sexologist

33 » Doctor Sunshine

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"A baby fills a place in your heart that you never knew was empty."

The doctor's office hallway has as much personality as the rest of the clinic. The floor is slate grey and the walls dove. Above the ceiling is made from those polystyrene squares laid on a grid-like frame. The light is too bright for your eyes after the darkening gloom outside, you find it abrasive, enough perhaps to bring on migraines.

You sit there quietly in the chair, keeping your eyes closed, matching your breaths to the beeping of the machines that surrounded these halls, the only indications of life, your stillness. Your legs were numb.

You were utterly afraid.

What if there's something wrong with you?

What if there's something wrong with the baby?

Oh god, now just thinking about it is freaking you out!

CALM. DOWN.

Is this normal?!

Your breathing rapid and shallow. You can feel your pulse pounding in your temples. It's a relief that you're in a chair because between the heels and your legs shaking, you're afraid you'll fall out. Suddenly Taehyung seizes your hand and, massages them, "Baby are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, do I not look alright?" You ask, drawing your hand away.

Taehyung pauses for a moment before uttering a response. "I mean...you're bugged eye."

"No, I'm not, I'm f-fine, really, I'm good." Your nails were already bitten down to the quick. You nibbled at their frayed, form edges like a famished mouse for cheese.

"Seems like your pretty nervous to me."

"Nervous, w-what- me nervous? Pfft, it's just butterflies."

"Aww, baby don't be scared, you both are going to be alright." Taehyung grins and reaches his arm out to you, placing his hand on your belly, gently giving you warmth and affection.

"Tae..." You swallowed. "W-What if something happens, I'm worried, ugh this is so nerve-wracking?!" Your breaths came in sharp pants now and you tried to gain control, but nothing was working. It hurts. It HURTS! You tried to breathe calmly, but every time you looked up those cruel, shameful, unavoidable doubts were there. Doubts you had known long before your mind had loaded them. Doubts you had waited for with anxiety and worry, knowing, somehow, what they might say.

How would you handle the stress of a crying and demanding baby?

You're worried if you'll be a good mom or not.

You're worried you won't live up to the expectations you've set on yourself.

All these thoughts on, what are you getting into?

Self-confidence down 100.

Before you could cause your own mind to split, Taehyung reaches for your hand, hugging it tightly, but comfortably. "Calm down, don't stress-" You met with his eyes and they were eyes that spoke of a beautiful soul and his movements told of a need for nurture.

Comfort.

Just like the first time you met eyes with him.

Memories.

You got this, calm down Chan-ri.

Taehyung's here for you when you may not be yourself.

He's got you.