Heartache »Ashton Irwin«

Prologue

In life, everyone experience heartache. Different kinds of heartaches but it is the exact same feeling. The feeling of not being good enough, a feeling of weakness and vulnerability.  When I was around five years old I experienced my first heartache, my beloved dog died. I did not have many friends growing up, all I had was my dog Calvin. I was five and did not know what the feeling meant. I do not remember much from that time in my life, just that I cried for a week. Five years later, it was just a month until my tenth birthday, my granddad died. He had helped me with basically everything in my life. He taught me how to eat with a knife and fork, he drove me to school every morning, he helped me with my homework’s and he read to me every afternoon. He was the best granddad in the world. I still remember the day when my mom told me that he had passed way. I felt weak. He was my rock. I was ten and had received the worst news but I realised I had felt this way before. The feeling of weakness and vulnerability and I knew that I would recover. I believe I grew stronger from that day. I knew a heartache would not stop me and I knew my granddad wanted me to continue to live my life. But then Nathan happened. It was the first day, of my last year in high school and Nathan was new to the class. He was tall, had blonde hair and sea-coloured eyes. He had a charming and sweet personality. I fell head over heels in love with him. Two months before graduation and the school prom, he came up to me. He asked if I wanted to go to prom with him. I nodded excited and answered with an ”I’d love to”. I walked on pink clouds for the rest of that day and month. On the prom night I wore a navy blue dress, my hair was curled by a curling iron and my make up matched my dress. On the dance floor, in the last dance Nathan kissed me. I was over joyed and so happy. Since that day we had been inseparable. We did everything together. We sat up all night talking about funny, sad or memorable stories from our lives, we talked on the phone, we went to the carnival were he won me a huge teddy bear, we ate ice cream at the sunset, we had picnic's, we had romantic walks hand in hand at the beach, we introduced each other to our parents as boyfriend/girlfriend, he told me how beautiful I looked even though I had just woken up and he kissed me every chance he got. We loved each other unconditionally. He was my first real love and first boyfriend. We moved in together right after graduation and I really thought he was the man in my dreams. I finished my work earlier a Friday afternoon, so I decided to do some grocery shopping and then make me and Nathan a romantic dinner. When I arrived home I found Nathan together with another girl. They were kissing on the couch and if I not had showed up there who knows what could have happened. Nathan tried to explain that it was not as bad as it looked but I was devastated. How could he, the sweet Nathan I loved, cheat on me? I thought he loved me. He began to tell me how sorry he was, but I did not believe him. He knew I eventually would find out. At that point I felt like I was not good enough. What did the girl he cheated with have, that I didn’t? I felt like my heart was ripped out, tossed around and then put back in. It was just not a heartache this time, I was heartbroken. Two months passed but I still missed him. I wish things had turned out to be different, but if he cheated once what says he won’t do it again? My life has been miserable without him. Daytime I was at work, pretending that nothing had happened but at night I sat in my couch with a Ben and Jerry, crying my eyes out watching ‘The Notebook’ or ’A Walk to Remember’. I knew my life style wasn’t healthy. I needed to get back on track. I decided to move from my hometown to the big city Sydney. Today, one month after my move, I’m still not over Nathan but I try to continue my life as normal as possible (I still eat Ben and Jerry’s and watch ‘The Notebook’ once or twice a week though...). I don’t think I’m ready for another heartache anytime soon, so for my own good I’ve decided to stay single at least a year, starting today.