Heartache »Ashton Irwin«

Chapter 50- Don't Let Me Go

I walked down the street. It was a strange feeling, because this is the last time I will walk these streets for a couple of months. It’s fourteen hours until I leave. It’s less than a day, it’s almost half a day. I can’t believe it’s so close. The phone call I received last night wasn’t from Ashton. It was Luke that called me, from Ashton’s phone. He asked if we could meet up, and I agreed. ”Hi, Apple!” Luke said with a smile when he saw me. ”Hi” I replied. We met by a small café, in the middle of Sydney. ”How are you?” He asked, as we walked in to order a coffee. ”I’m alright.” I mumbled. ”I’m so nervous for tomorrow though” ”I bet” Luke smiled. We ordered our coffee and then sat down. ”So, how is he?” I asked. We only talked for a couple of minutes last night, and I didn’t have time to ask Luke about Ashton. ” He’s... He’s holding up. He didn’t leave his bed for about two days, at first we didn’t get what happened, so he told us” Luke spoke and I nodded, looking down my lap. ”I don’t want to sound angry or anything because I know you have your reasons why you move but Ashton is in love with you, Apple! He has been so happy with you in his life. He has changed for the better” ”He has changed me too” I mumbled. ”I get that you were heartbroken, but move across the world? Do you really think that would be the solution?” ”I don’t know until I’m there, right?” ”No, obviously.” ”I’m twenty-one and have spent two years together with the same guy. Everything just was round him. I was blinded by love, and I thought we were meant to be together forever. He was everything to me and when I lost him, I lost everything, myself included. I don’t want to fall in love, because I’m afraid” ”You’re not afraid of falling, you are afraid of not being loved back” ”Nathan loved me, it’s not like that” I felt strange to talk to Luke about the deepest and hardest part in my life, since we barley know each other. ”I’m afraid to get my heart broken and spend my life listening to sad songs and eating ice cream” ”Ashton will never cheat on you, he isn’t-” ”I thought the same about Nathan!” I pointed out. ”You think just because someone makes one mistake, everyone else will make the same mistake” Luke said. ”No-” ”Yes, you do! Ashton knows how hurt you were because of Nathan. Ashton would never make the same mistake as him” I shook my head, but deep down inside of me, it felt like Luke was right. Just because Nathan cheated on me doesn’t automatically make Ashton a cheater.  ”So? It doesn’t change anything” I mumbled. ”Maybe not. You have a good reason to leave, but I don’t think you should” ”Because of Ashton?” I asked. ”Yes and if you want to find yourself, why don’t take help with Ashton?” ”Because I don’t want my life to be round a guy. I want to have my life, in my hands” A silence spread around us. This conversation was just pointless. Luke doesn’t know one single thing of what I have been through, he shouldn’t be sitting here, talking me out of this, it should be Ashton. ”What are this leading to? Why did you bring me here?” I asked. ”Ashton don’t want you to leave. So I’m trying to talk you out of this, for his sake” ”But what about me? If Ashton truly loved me, he would let me go” 

The conversation I had with Luke yesterday was weird. Why would Luke try to talk me out of this, when Ashton could have done it himself? ”How many bags?” A man, behind a desk asked. I was at the airport and it was only one and a half hour until the plane left. ”One!” I answered as I put my bag up on a travelators. Before my bag went further the man behind the desk put on a paper, with my location on it. ”And here is your boarding card” He gave it to me and I thanked him before I left. I walked up one floor, to go through security and after that nothing could stop me. After security it would only be one way out and it was to London. The stair was long, or maybe it just felt like that because I walked slowly. This is it, I thought for myself. I haven’t heard a word from Ashton, but Luke promised me to say some words to him. I stood in a line, that moved slowly, forward to the security. A few people had to stretch out their arms so the airport police could examine them and that they didn’t have any metal, as knives or guns, which they didn’t. It was only a bracelets or perhaps a belt. I put my hand luggage on the travelator, and walked through the security with out any problems. The hour and half I had before I would leave Sydney went by faster than I thought. I had some breakfast at a cafe and bought a magazine and then it was time for boarding. ”Your boarding card, please?” A woman, dressed like a flight Attendant asked. ”Here!” I said and gave it to her. ”Thanks” She gave it back after she checked that it was real and just as I was suppose to walk through the gate I heard someone shout my name. ”Apple!” I heard again. I looked behind me and saw Ashton running towards me. He run past the people in line and up to me. A small smile appeared on my lips. ”Hi” He said breathless, from all the running. ”Hi” I replied. ”What are you doing here?” I asked surprised. ”Miss?” The woman that checked my boarding card said. ”You need to go on the plane” She said. ”Give me one minute” Ashton said before I had the change to say anything. ”Please give me one last minute, together with her” He continued. She nodded and Ashton looked at me. ”What are you doing here?” I asked again. Ashton looked in my eyes ”First off all, I want to tell you that I’m sorry that I didn’t answer any of your calls.” I nodded, as an accept of his apology. ”I have done some thinking. Or a lot of thinking actually. And I come to realise that I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay with me. It’s a selfish reason, but I want you to stay because I love you, Apple!” I shook my head. ”No, don’t make this any harder, Ashton.” I begged. ”Don’t make me regret the fact that I’m moving” I continued. ”Luke told me that you said that if I truly loved you, I would let you go” Ashton said and I nodded. ”But I can’t. I don’t want to loose you now, because you are my other half. My better half” Ashton looked vulnerable and I hate that look on his face. I hate to see Ashton like this. He is usually so happy and careless and now it’s only vulnerability that I see. ”I’m asking you Apple, to please not enter the gate and stay with me” What happens if I stay? What will happened if I stayed in Sydney together with Ashton? ”We can keep in touch, call me whenever-” ”I don’t want to keep in touch, I want you here, together with me, where you belong” In that moment I felt my eyes watering and tears streaming down my cheeks. I started to doubt myself. Is London the right thing? Is moving away from Ashton the right thing? ”Please, Apple!” Ashton said and I started to think about all of the things that argued that I should stay. I walked up to him. I stood on my tiptoes, to reach his forehead, where I placed a soft kiss. ”Please Apple! Don’t let me go” Ashton laid his hands around my cheeks and kissed me. His lips tasted sweet mint and a little coffee. I folded down and looked down at the ground, for a few seconds before I looked up and met Ashton’s brown sparking eyes.  ”I love you”  I whispered to him. ”But you need to let me go” I continued. Ashton’s eyes watered as I turned around and entered the gate.

                                                 ~The End~

Don't kill me because of the end ;) And yes, this is the actually end, there will be no epilogue, so this is the end.

I hope you have liked the book, I'm really proud of it myself actually. It has some personal events, even though most of it it is made up.

Thanks for reading :)

Xx