Heartache »Ashton Irwin«

Chapter 4- Little Note.

I don’t know if I should be mad at myself for letting myself walk home to Ashton or mad at Ashton because he told LeAnne and probably David too. I told him not to tell anyone, but still he tells LeAnne and David. LeAnne will never shut up about this now. I walked down to the streets and to the nail studio were I and LeAnne were supposed to be doing our nails. Normally, I don’t fix my nails at a studio, but LeAnne insisted. ”Hi!” LeAnne said with a huge smile when we met. ”Hi” I said and hugged her.  ”Are you excited?” She asked. ”I guess” I answered. Honestly I would rather spend my Friday night sleeping since I still feel hungover. We walked into the studio and got directed to sit down in a comfortable chair while someone started with our fingernails. ”Are you nervous for tomorrow?” I asked. ”Yes, but so excited too. I’m getting married” She said with a huge smile. You could really tell how happy she was. Happy in love. ”Yey!” I said and smiled with her. ”I’m very nervous about everything. What if I don’t fit the dress? Or I slip and fall? Or if the food isn’t good...” ”Everything’s going to be great. I’m sure it will be a perfect wedding. Just like you have imagine it” ”Thank you” LeAnne smiled at me. ”So tell me about last night” LeAnne. ”And give me all the dirty secrets” She continued. ”Did Ashton talk to you about it?” I asked. It’s been exactly six hours and twenty minutes since  Ashton dropped me of and every minute I have felt ashamed. I actually started to cry, about Nathan. I’m so pathetic. Just imagine how disappointed Ashton must been if he expected to get laid.  ”I overheard David talking to Ashton this morning” LeAnne said. ”But it doesn’t matter. How was your night?” I sight. LeAnne knows about Nathan and how heartbroken I were, and still am. ”We walked home to him, and I was really drunk” I began. ”And when we arrived at his place I started to cry” I said. ”You what?” ”Yes, you heard me” I said. ”Did you seriously start crying, over Nathan?” ”Yes, I think it was the most embarrassing moment of my life and the worst part is that I don’t remember it. Ashton told me everything this morning” ”But you stayed at his place” ”Yes, I fell asleep in his bed” LeAnne gave me a smirk. ”Nothing happened, he slept on the couch” I said and she laughed. ”I feel humiliated, ashamed and embarrassed. I will never get drunk or follow a guy home one more time” I said. ”You said the exact same after Simon” LeAnne remarked. ”Well...” I sigh. Simon was just as Ashton was last night, sweet and he brought me a drink. I followed him home, but this time I did not start crying. I woke up the morning after, hungover and I regretted what happened. Somehow it felt like I had cheated on Nathan, since it was only about two weeks after our break up. I left Simons place, with a small note, early the next morning.  Afterwards I said I will not hook up with a guy for just one night, which I clearly have broken. ”... I never met Simon forty eight hours later at a wedding though. Like I will with Ashton.” I continued.

Since I don’t remember much from last I shouldn’t be so ashamed, but considering what Ashton told me I’m ashamed is an understatement. How could I start crying? What were I think of? Clearly about Nathan, but crying? I did not even think I could go that low. I mean how could I? I feel so embarrassed. Just imagine what Ashton was thinking. He must think I’m pathetic. When I come home later after my and LeAnne’s manicure and pedicure I called my mom. ”Hi, it’s Ms Lawson” I heard my mom answer. ”Hi mom! It’s me, Apple!” ”Hi honey. I was wondering when I would hear from you. Is everything okay?” She asked. ”No” I mumbled. ”Why? What happened?” She asked concerned. ”I can’t get over Nathan!” I said. I walked around in my apartment and did some easy cleaning, like putting the dishes in the dishwasher. ”Have you heard from him?” My mom asked. ”No, I just...” I sigh. ”Last night I hung out with a guy and I ended up crying” ”Oh sweetie” ”This isn’t healthy. I don’t know what to do. I only eat ice cream and cry over movies” My mother laughed, but it was the truth. ”I don’t know how to get over him” I said as I stomp the floor, to make my point. ”Apple, I know heartbreaks is hard, but a wound heals with time” ”It’s been three months” I said, frustrated over the fact that I wasn’t over him. ”I know, honey, but go out, have fun, you are only young once” My mom encourage. ”And end up crying at other people’s places?” I asked and my mother laugh. ”No, but keep doing things. Stay busy so you don’t have time over to think about him. And eventually you will get over him”  I wish it was that easy. I walked into the hall, and picked up my purse from last night. I found my debit card, a tampon (In case of emergency), my pink lip gloss and a white note. It looked like a corner of a rectangular paper. ”Stay busy, that’s the best cure. Spend time with other single people” My mom continue to encourage me. I unfolded the paper and started to read the little note. ”Last night was different, but I had fun at the club. Call me xx Ash” I read the note again. ”Mom, I think I need to call you back” I said. ”Oh, okay. Did something happened?” She asked. ”No, I’m just... I call you later, okay?” ”Yeah, okay!” I hung up and walked into my bedroom. I sat down at me bed, with the note and phone in my hands. Should I call him? Or does that seems desperate? Why would he even give the note to me? I was a mess last night. I grabbed my phone and called LeAnne, maybe she could help me decide if I should call or not. ”Hey, it’s LeAnne” She answered. ”Hi, it’s Apple” I said. ”You have no idea what I just found” I said. ”Tell me!” She said. ”I found a note in my purse, with Ashton’s number” ”What?” ”Yes. I quote ’Last night was different, but I had fun at the club. Call me xx Ash’ ” ”You need to call him” LeAnne said before she did a shout of joy. ”Really? Doesn’t that  sounds a little desperate?” I asked. ”He gave you his number for a reason” ”I guess... But do you really think I should call him? What should I say?” ”That you had a great time to, before you started to cry” LeAnne laughed. ”Or I can wait to tomorrow...” ”Yeah, well he will be at the wedding, so talk to him there” ”Okay, I think I’ll wait. See you tomorrow, and get a lot of beauty sleep” LeAnne laughed again. ”Okay. See you tomorrow” ”Bye” 

The rest of my Friday night I spend in front of the TV, watching ‘The Notebook’ thinking of Nathan just like usually. I find it hard not to spend my lonely nights like this. It’s been a habit. I’ve almost memorised all of the lines in the movie by now. Nathan is my ‘Allie’. I love him, unconditionally, and no matter how many different guys I spend a night with, no one will compare to him. Mine and Nathan’s love was like Noah and  Allie’s.  We didn’t fight as much though, but we had our moments. I remember how he always kissed me after a fight and told me he would never hurt me again. He told me he loved me, forever and always. But here I am, alone, in a new city, heartbroken. I can’t take in that he actually cheated. He was in somehow disappointed in me, otherwise he would never have done that. I thought he loved me, but you don’t cheat on people you love. But the worst is that he broke up with me and stayed with the blonde girl. I’m terrified to get my heart broken again, and I guess that’s why I find it hard to recover and that is the reason why I should stay single for a year and the reason why I shouldn’t call Ashton tonight.