Heartache »Ashton Irwin«

Chapter 40- Break Down

”Do you have any plans for Tuesday next week?” Ashton asked. ”No, I don’t think so” I answered, even though I was pretty sure I didn’t have any plans. Since I don’t have a job, it’s not much I do on the days, just waiting for London. It’s been three hours since Ashton told me he sees me as his better half and I have tried to find the words (and guts) to tell him about London. ”It’s Calum’s 19th birthday, and he is trowing a party and I am inviting you to that party” ”Are you sure that’s okay with him?” ”Yes, of course! Why wouldn’t he?” ”Because I don’t really know him, we have talked a few times, but-”  I began but Ashton interrupted as he laid his hands around my cheeks. ”Of course you are welcome! Calum would love to have you there” Ashton said as he kissed my nose. ”Okay, any ideas of what I can buy for him?” I asked. ”He always uses my underwear so-” ”I can’t buy him underwear!” I pointed out and Ashton laughed at me. ”Okay, no probably not” What do you buy someone for their birthday that you barely know? I will hopefully find something nice. ”So is it a party or more dinner?” I asked and Ashton smiled. ”It will be the party of the year, but only for close friends” ”Okay” I said as I nodded. I need to find something to wear for this day. ”It starts at eight pm, but I can pick you up” ”Thank you” ”Do you have driver license, just wondering?” Ashton asked and I smiled. ”Yes, I do, just never afford to have a car and since I lived pretty close to my job, I didn’t need a car” I explained. 

Another few hours later we laid in bed, I had Ashton’s chest as a pillow and he had his arms around me. Ashton decided to stay the night, and I definitely didn’t mind.  ”I have a very busy schedule for the upcoming weeks” Ashton said. ”Okay?” I mumbled. ”I just wanted to let you know. It’s a few gigs, late interviews and more time spending in the studio...” I nodded as an answer and even if it was dark in the room Ashton knew I was listening. ”As much as I want to spend time with you, it’s getting a little hard, for next week and the week after that, I’m sorry” I froze. Ashton tell me it’s getting harder to meet me, for two weeks, and I haven’t told him I’m moving to London, for FOUR months! He is so sweet and cares so much. ”I hope it’s okay, and I will make up for the time we missed together I promise. I was thinking-” I started to feel anxiety again. Why am I such a coward? Why can’t I just tell him about this move? I want to move, I know it’s the right decision so why can’t I just tell him. I have tried for weeks, but still I have said nothing! What is wrong with me? Ashton is literally apologising for not be able to see me as much for the next couple of weeks and here I sit and will be moving across the world in less than two months. ”- Are you listening?”  Ashton asked and I could feel how he looked down at me. ”No, sorry” I said and Ashton laughed his giggly laugh. ”I was saying that I was thinking that we could go away for a weekend, in two weeks?” ”Yeah” I mumbled. ”We talked about running away, right? And for me it works, so what do you say?” I swallowed. Running away with Ashton, even if it only was for a weekend, would be great, get my mind on something else. But it don’t feel right. He should ask another girl if she wants to runaway with him instead. He should ask someone who will be honest with him and not chicken out every time she want to tell him serious stuff. Ashton should be with a girl that will be one-hundred precent into the relationship. Ashton should be with someone who won’t move across the world in less than two months. ”What do you think?” Ashton asked as he carefully kissed my forehead. ”It’s... I don’t think... We...” I didn’t now how to start. Why was this so damn hard? ”Shh, breathe” Ashton said with a small laugh and I did as he said. I inhaled and then exhale. ”I... can’t runaway...” I started, and my voice was  shaky  as I felt my eyes watering. I was crying? ”You are crying, babe, please stop cry” Ashton surrounded his hands around my cheeks. ”Please don’t cry, sweetheart. We don’t have to run away, I’m so sorry” Ashton kissed my fore head once again. ”Please stop crying, babe” He said as more tears began to flow down my cheeks. ”Just relax and breathe. Everything is going to be fine” Ashton pressed me against him and held me tight, in a caring hug. ”No, everything isn’t fine, Ashton. It won’t be fine” I mumbled. ”Why are you with me? Why did you stay?” I said with a shaky voice. ”What do you mean?” Ashton asked. ”After I broke down in your apartment when we met at the bar. Why did you come back for me? Why did you care? I was heartbroken” ”You were hurt and I wanted to help you” ”But why would you help a stranger?” ”I don’t know, we had some sort of connection and the way I remember it you called when you were drunk, after you said that I should stay away” Ashton said and he laughed a little. ”You should be with someone else, I’m just a mess and a liar” ”You are not a mess, Apple! You were hurt and that’s okay. You are human” ”But you are so sweet and tell me all the right things. And you even apologise for not being able to see me as much as you want to, for the up coming two weeks and I...” I sighed as I let a few tears fall. ”I can’t even tell you about Lon...” I started to sob into his chest. I can’t even tell him.  I can’t even pronounce the word to him. It’s six letters and isn’t hard word to say, but sill I can’t say it. ”Shhh, just relax. Sleep a few hours and everything will be okay” Ashton whispered in my ear. His words actually comforted me. I haven’t even told him and I’m crying. How will it end up when I tell him?  Because eventually I have to. I think I finally found peace and could relax. I felt my body just relax and I could breath normally. I knew Ashton still was awake, because he moved a little to much to be asleep. He still had his arms around me and I was so thankful. I suddenly felt Ashton kiss my fore head. ”I’m in love with you, Apple” He whispered. 

Ashton said the three little words, how will Apple react to that? And what will happen with whole moving to London thing?? I hope you like tha chapter

Xx