Heartache »Ashton Irwin«

Chapter 19- How Do I Explain Something That I Can't Even Understand Myself?

”It was amazing. You are a great cook” I said to Ashton and he smiled at me. ”Thank you” He had done an amazing spaghetti with tomato sauce and decorated the table with candles.  ”It is me who should say thank you, for this lovely meal. Next time it’s my turn to cook for you” ”You cook?” Ashton asked. ”Not exactly, but I will try it” Ashton smiled at me. ”I’m looking forward to it” ”Maybe some day after new years, when we both have time” ”Yeah, my schedule is pretty intense the up coming weeks” Ashton sighed. ”I’ll try to make it to David’s and LeAnne’s party though” ”Good” I wonder what people LeAnne and David would invite to the party? The same people as on the wedding? ”Is the tour only in Australia?” I asked. ”Mostly, we are spending two weeks in New Zealand too” Ashton answered. ”Okay, we are almost in the same time zone at least” ”Yeah, max two hours a head” ”Seven weeks are a long time, you must miss your family” I said. ”I do, but we can talk through Skype” ”Oh I wish I were interested in technical things. I don’t even have Skype” ”You don’t?” ”No, I don’t need it. I use Facebook and Twitter” I said proudly. Ashton laughed. ”Let me help you with Skype sometime. It isn’t so hard” ”Yeah, thank you” ”Speaking of Twitter. Do you still get hate?” Ashton asked concerned. ”Yeah. Lots of people are saying that I’m not good enough or that I use you for fame” ”I wrote a few days ago to make people stop, and I said we were just friends” ”I appreciate it. Thank you” ”So if it gets worse, just let me know, and I’ll try my best to help you”  The hate is hard to answer to everyone and say that it isn’t true. I would never use Ashton for anything, he is to nice for that. And the fact that strangers tell me that I’m not good enough, hurts my feelings. Since I moved to Sydney things have been difficult. I definitely don’t regret moving, I needed a new start and I don’t regret meeting Ashton, I just wish I was more stable and could handle the hate better.  ”I will, thanks again” I said as I smiled to Ashton. ”No, problem, do you want to watch a movie or something?” Ashton asked and changed the subject. ”Okay, which did you have in mind?” ”You can choose, meanwhile I do the dishes.” ”I can help you” ”No, you can choose a movie” ”I don-” ”Just choose a movie” Ashton laughed at me and I rolled my eyes. I wouldn’t mind to help him with the dishes. He has done this amazing dinner, and it would be fair if I did the dishes. I walked to the living room, and up to the book shell with all of his movies. I stroked over he movies. It was all from romantic comedies to scary thrillers. ”Do you find something interesting?” Ashton asked. ”No, or ‘The amazing spider man’ I haven’t seen it.” I said, as I pulled it out from the shell. ”Yeah sure!” I gave Ashton the movie before I sat down in the couch. He started the movie, before he sat down beside me. I laid my head on Ashton’s shoulder, and he put his arm around my shoulders. I smiled for myself as I felt the butterflies inside of me go wide. 

I felt a strong arm around my waist when I woke up. I blinked at few times, to get used to the light, before I stretched my arms.  Ashton held me tight in his arms. How did we end up here? I just remember falling a sleep  in the middle of the movie. I still had the clothes from last night on, so I guess Ashton carried me here. I turned cautiously around to watch Ashton sleep. He looked so peaceful and soft. Ashton had a round face but I could easily discern his cheekbones, his lips was a little open, and his hair was a mess, but still he looked good. ”Good morning” I heard Ashton whisper, before he carefully opened his brown eyes. ”Morning” I mumbled. Ashton stretch is arms. ”You fell asleep, during the movie, and I didn’t want to wake you” Ashton mumbled in a tired voice. ”And I carried you to the bed, thinking it was more comfortable” He continued. ”Thank you” ”And I fell asleep as well, so” ”It’s fine! I’ve slept very well” Ashton smiled at me. ”Good, me too. I’ve slept like a prince with you by my side” I smiled at him as I felt my cheek getting redder. ”I still think it’s weird that we met like four weeks ago” Ashton began as he sat up in the bed. ”I just mean it’s a short amount of time that we have built this... friendship?” Ashton explained. ”Yeah, but I don’t believe friendship is about how long time you’ve been friends it’s about how you feel in your friends company.” I tried to explain how I felt, but it was harder than expected. I really like Ashton, more than I should I’ve slowly realised, even if we only have spent a few weeks in each other companies. ”And how do you feel in my company?” Ashton asked with a grin on his perfect shaped lips. ”Great. I love spending time with you. You make me forget things I should have forgotten a long time ago. You make me smile, when I feel like crying, you cheer me up, you let me talk and you listen to what I have to say” A big smile spread over Ashton’s lips as I talked and as most times when Ashton smiles I couldn’t help but smile myself. 

After a wonderful breakfast, with freshly made orange juice, yoghurt and fresh strawberries it was time for me to walk home. It didn‘t rain today and I would love to walk home, even if Ashton wanted to drive me I insisted.  ”I wish you the best on the tour” I said with a smile. ”You will be missed” I continued. Ashton smiled back at me. ”Thank you. And I will miss you too, Apple, but before you go, can I have your phone?” I nodded slowly, why did he want my phone? I gave it to him and he did something. ”What are you doing?” I asked. ”Changing my name, in your contacts.” ”Why? What are you changing it to?” I asked, with a smile.”I’m changing it to ‘Spiderman’” I laughed at his change but all Ashton did was smile. ”Why?” I asked. ”Because I am Spiderman” ”No, you are not” I mumbled. ”Have you ever seen me and Spiderman in the same room?” ”No?” ”You see” Ashton said and I rolled my eyes. ”Okay, Spiderman, can I have my phone back?” ”Of course” Ashton handed me the phone before he pulled me in for a tight, warm hug and I hugged him back. As I said to Ashton I wish him all luck with the tour, but I wanted to spend more time with him now, so I could see what these feelings are leading towards. My heart feels a connection with Ashton, but I can’t set the feeling in to words. I like Ashton, more than a friend, I believe, but I’m not ready for a new relationship. But the way he laughs, smile, look into my eyes, speak, even walk makes my heart skip a beat. Is it really love? Do I feel love for Ashton? Do I have the same feeling for Ashton that I had in the beginning with Nathan? How do I explain something that I can’t even understand myself?