Phoebe Johnson is the daughter of the Moon Goddess Artemis, and has a human father. Living on Earth as a Demi-Goddess surrounded by humans and werewolves isn't as exciting as it seems. No one is allowed to know of her true parentage, and everyone th...
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My first exam, English Lit, is tomorrow. Not that I am actually ready or prepared for it though. However, the exams are serving as a needed distraction from my cracked, bleeding heart. I have stopped being able to cry; my tears have dried up. Now I just feel hollow... numb. I've been staying at Celestrina's house since the moment I awoke and realised that I have to get out of here. I phoned my dad, begging to go home, but he said that I have to at least take my exams first, which is what I'm doing. Or at least trying to take them, my attention during studying has been... questionable. Alex hasn't been going to school, fortunately. I don't think I could take it, constantly seeing and smelling him, knowing he is so close yet so far from me at the same time.
I have been thinking a lot about things, and I have a sneaking suspicion that Alex is older then he claims to be... surely a Lycan Prince would not be completing their schooling in at tiny town that hardly anybody has heard of? He once told me that he can speak seven languages, so he must have been schooled somewhere prestigious. How old could he be? Thirty? Ninety? Three hundred? God, I could have been making out with a fossil!
Not that it's any of my business, or will ever happen again though.
Celestrina and her lovely family have welcomed me in without question, and I have been bunking with Cele and her younger sister Modestia. I cannot be in the house with Alex. It would be absolute torture. I am scared to death that I am going to run into him. What would I even say? Nothing probably. I don't want to get in the way of him and his erasthai. I have, however, felt Alex's presence a few times. A couple of times when his scent was caught in the breeze and swirled through Celestrina's window, and also once when I was buying food at the shop. Each time I froze in shock and anticipation, but knew that I couldn't turn and look at him otherwise I would crack. Luckily, he never makes an effort to talk to me, and for that I am eternally grateful. He has even assigned someone new to be my bodyguard. He never talks to me but I always catch him lurking constantly in the background. He's not even that hot, which is a bummer.
The lack of contact between Alex and I does not make things any easier. It's so hard as I find my mind focusing on him always, wondering what he's doing and how he's faring. It's only been two weeks, but it feels like a decade. I crave him like a starved man craves food. He is my air, and without him I can't breathe, slowly leaving me to suffocate. I feel so dead inside. Cele keeps trying to call me out on it, asking me why I look like a depressed zombie, but I just can't tell her. Instead it is all bottled up inside. Tammy and Ana keep trying to talk to me, but I avoid them like the plague. They are a reminder of what I will never have. I know that Tammy is worried about me, but I can't stay with her and allow her to care for me whilst she is still at his place. Walking into school is hard enough, with constant memories lighting up everywhere, but actually having to reside beside him, and watch him and his (probable) mate? I don't think so.
Someone else on my list of people to avoid is my mother. I know I'm being unnecessarily bitchy, but in some ways I can't help but blame her. After all, it's not Alex's fault he has an erasthai; it's my mother's. She must know how much I love Alex, and yet she still allowed him to meet his erasthai, taking my happiness away from me. Couldn't she of given me a warning not to go to Racer's Belt? Couldn't she have taken his erasthai away? It may sound ridiculous, but I have even gone to the length to take my necklace off, so that she has no way of contact with me. I don't want to talk to someone responsible for my heartache.
Anyway, I am trying to push all of the drama to the back of my mind, throwing myself into studying to serve as a needed distraction, although it rarely works. It is hard to concentrate in school when there are so many couples - human and were's, happy, whilst I am destined to be forever alone. PDA has never bothered me so much. I am so bitter and cynical about life; this breakup has affected me more then I thought possible. I don't feel like getting up in the morning, (ok nothing much has changed there), I'm forever eating (actually that's the same as well), and I want to cut all of my hair off and turn into a goth. I barely wear any makeup, and my outfits roll over onto the next day. Damn, I've really let myself slip! People are bound to talk...
However, none of that really matters because after seven short exams, I would have completed my SATs, and will finally be able to leave this place forever. I'm going to really miss this beautiful little town, as well as all of the friends I've made, and of course, my sister, but I have to leave in order to heal. Every time I start to feel a little better, the weak stitches in my heart get ripped open again as soon as I am reminded of Alex. What future do I have here, anyway? There are no good colleges close to here, and definitely no well paying jobs. Even if things hadn't of ended the way they did with Alex, I would still be moving back.
One thing that is for sure is I am done with love and boys for life. How am I ever supposed to give my heart to another? How am I ever supposed to fall in love with someone else, when it is Alex that is running through my veins? Alex has ruined me for anyone else. He has branded my skin as his own. I will never want another, since it is his name tattooed on my heart, and he is its unwilling owner.
