Babysitter Wanted

17

Jimin gave me the day off to go back to my apartment so I could rest and think of things other than watching over his son all the time. Honestly, I have to admit that it feels good to have a break.

Don't get me wrong, I love Jimin and Seyoon with all of my heart. They're practically my family.

It's just been a while since I've had a moment to myself... and now I have the whole day.

When I got back to my apartment building I grabbed the mail from my mailbox and made my climb up the stairs to the fourth floor.

My building didn't have an elevator so it was a long, exhausting ascend. Once I reached the top I turned left down the hall towards my apartment.

As I got closer I noticed a piece of paper stuck to my door. I pulled it off and immediately recognized the handwriting.

"Seriously?" I unlocked the door and quickly went inside, throwing my bag down in the living room floor and falling on my couch.

"Yoongi, I know you don't want to see or talk to me, but I just need you to hear me out. You're my best friend... I don't want this stupid thing that's forcing us apart to be the end of our friendship. I know you won't respond to this letter so I've taken it upon myself to stop by whenever I can do I can try to reach out to you. Please, Yoongi, we've gone through so much together. I don't want that to go to waste."

I put the letter down and ran my fingers through my hair. I took a moment to think that maybe it was a little habit that I was picking up from Jimin.

"Damn you Hoseok."

-

I fell asleep. I woke up on my couch to the sound of loud knocking on my door. I didn't have to look or even open it to know who it was. I decided that if I didn't speak to him now he would probably never go away.

I opened the door and saw Hoseok standing before me looking genuinely surprised that he was seeing me in person again. His eyes began welling up with tears.

"Yoongi!" He stepped forward to hug me, but I put a hand out to stop him.

"Hoseok... you have to stop." I put my hand down and opened the door wider to invite him in. "You can come in, but I'm going to do the talk. Alright?"

He nodded and came inside.

We sat down on opposite sides of the couch. I wouldn't allow him to get close enough to me to hug me or touch me really. "Hoseok, you have to stop coming here and leaving me notes and trying to contact me."

He was staring down at the floor trying really hard not to cry. "I can't lose you."

Honestly, it hurt me to see him like this. I didn't want to treat him like this, but having him in my life was more painful than my life without him. "I'm already gone... I'm happy now. Don't you want me to be happy?"

He slowly picked his head up to look at me with a hint of anger in his eyes. "Of course I want you to be happy! I want you to have everything you want and never have a day of sadness or anguish!" He quickly looked away, most likely because he wanted to cry but didn't want me to see. "I love you, Yoongi. I know you don't return those feelings, but I want to be the one that makes you laugh and smile and want to get out of bed in the morning."

I waited a little too long to respond. The silence I had put between us had become awkward and tense.

"Hoseok... I don't want to hurt you, but I think you deserve to know this." I took a deep breath to prepare myself for how he was about to react. "I have a boyfriend now... and he has a son. I'm part of something incredible... I'm part of a family."

Hoseok was so quiet I was afraid he stopped breathing. I took a peak at his face and noticed how dark his expression was.

"I can't do this with you anymore Hobi. I can't keep hurting you and watching you destroy yourself over something I can't give you." Still nothing. "I know this sounds harsh and it sounds like I don't care about you, but I'm trying to do what's best for both of us... and what's best for my relationship."

He wiped his face with his hand. "What are their names?" He looked up at me. I couldn't tell if he was angry or just so hurt that he was too numb to express real emotion.

I sighed. "I don't think I should say."

He frowned at me. "What? Do you think I'm going to hunt them down? Stalk your new family? Hurt them?"

The fact that he was even suggesting any of that make me uncomfortable and angry. "I don't know what you're capable of anymore. I don't recognize you anymore."

"Are you serious right now?" I pissed him off. "Do you honestly think I would hurt a child? Or your perfect new boyfriend? Do you really think I'm that obsessed with you?"

"Yes! I do! Is that what you want to hear from me?" I stood up and paced the living room for a moment. "It has been months, Hoseok. I have been deliberately avoiding coming back here because I know that you could show up at any second and beg me to come back and give you another chance at having a stable friendship. So, yeah, I'm afraid that you'll try to harm the people I love just to get close to me."

He laughed a little. "Am I making you paranoid?" He stood up and approached me slowly. "Are you scared of me?" I chose not to respond to him. It was better for both of us if I just shut up for a minute. "Yoongi... look at me. Look at what you're turning me into!"

I wanted to punch him. "You can't blame this on me. All I've ever done is support you and help you and stop you from trying to hurt yourself." I clenched my fists. I wanted so badly to let go of all of this anger that he was building up inside me, but what good would hurting him do for anyone. "You are the one that is responsible for this. You are the one that won't take a fucking hint and leave me the hell alone. You are the one that was pushing me to the brink of insanity just to try to get you help only for you to throw it all away and keep fucking everything up over and over again. And it's sad Hoseok! It's exhausting trying to be your friend. It was killing me so I had to walk away for the sake of my own mental health and you are the one that can't accept that and move on."

He was breathing so heavily I was afraid he was going to hyperventilate. He wasn't the same guy I used to joke around with and come to when I needed someone I talk to. This wasn't my best friend anymore.

"I think it's time for you to go... and for your sake and mine don't come back. No more notes, no more frequent stops to visit. Just leave me alone... for good."