Unsteady

20. Start Again

I need to get it right,
Need to see some light come in
Can I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
I know that I messed it up
Time and time again
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again
-Start again
-OneRepublic
-Logic

•••••

What was I thinking?

I couldn't do this!

I'm weak, I can't do this.

"You ready?" Ryder asked, standing beside me by my locker.

I was thankful my face was currently buried inside the tiny space instead of facing him, so he couldn't see just exactly how unprepared I was.

No.

"Yes," I squeaked out, failing at trying to conceal the fear that had settled into the pit of my belly. It made me sick to think about what I was about to do, but it was better than spending another day with that maniac.

Today was Monday.

Also known as, the day I die.

Today was the day I was supposed to walk straight past Brandon's table and sit with my friends. So far, Brandon had avoided our past two classes because he had 'business' to take care of...whatever that meant. Trevor had warned me that Brandon would be back around lunch time and since then I'd been sweating bullets.

I'd seen Brandon mad plenty of times, mostly because I was usually the cause of it. It wasn't a pretty sight, and it always resulted in someone getting hurt. I couldn't bare the thought of him hurting my friends, the mere thought made me see red.

I couldn't believe I was going to be the reason he'd be mad today.

"Come on Carter, you'll be okay," Ryder wrapped an arm around my waist, attaching me to his side.
"I'm right here."

I gulped and finally shut my locker door once I saw Violet, Cameron, Kyle and Noah make their way through the still crowded hallway towards us.

Violet grinned once she saw how Ryder was holding me and raised her eyebrows at the both of us.

"Don't even think of saying anything," Ryder warned, once he saw Violet open her mouth, no doubt going to make a remark about the both of us.

Violet held up her hands, "Relax, I wasn't going to say anything like that. I was just going to ask Riley if she was ready to go to the cafeteria?" Violet said sincerely.

I felt the uneasy feeling I had felt when Trevor told me Brandon was coming settle in my stomach once again.

I stiffly nodded earning a sympathetic smile from Violet. Ryder tightened his arm around me and tilted his head down so that he was looking directly at me.