Unsteady

31. Fools

I am tired of this place, I hope people change
I need time to replace what I gave away
And my hopes, they are high,
I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all
-FOOLS
-Troye Sivan

•••••

"I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

"No Edward! Don't leave her you stupid piece of sh-it," I hiccuped as I yelled at the T.V.

I sniffled as I dug into my tub of Ben & Jerry's. Tissues littered the couch I was sitting on and I was hidden under a thick fluffy blanket, despite it being nearly thirty degrees Celsius outside.

My heart ached as Bella tripped over a branch and brought her knees to her chest, huddling up into a ball.

"I feel you Bella," I mumbled through a mouthful of ice cream.

I wasn't surprised when a new set of tears started streaming down my face as my thoughts left the screen in front of me and wandered to Ry-

No. We shall not mention his name.

To a certain stormy, grey eyed boy who had walked out on me yesterday. I called in and excused myself from school and said that I would provide a doctor's note to explain my absence which was thankfully emailed to me by Dr Philips.

I wasn't ready to face him, not so soon after everything that went down. A part of me had hope he would return by nightfall, but when I woke up this morning his apartment key was left on the countertop.

He wasn't coming back, and the thought sent another sharp stab to my chest. My breathing hitched as I pressed my hand over my aching heart, as if that could stop the pain.

A part of me hated him for leaving me, but that part wasn't strong enough to block out the thought that crossed my mind every second I spent without him.

I missed him.

All this time I would laugh at girls who would cry over guys, and who would describe it as 'the worst thing in the world'.

Until I was that girl.

He was everything to me, and now that he left I had nothing. I didn't understand why I allowed him to break down my walls, why I had hope we could ever make it when there was always that little voice at the back of my head which reminded me each time we crossed a line, this wasn't going to end well.

I was pathetic and I knew it.

I didn't deserve to call myself the strong woman I thought I was. What strong woman cries over a mere crush?

That's the thing, it was more than just a crush. It was healing, it was vibrant and colourful. All the good in the world could only be noticed when he was around, even the faults of everyone around me amounted to nothing when he was by my side.