Unsteady

33. Memories

You gave me hope, but I've got to let go
I've got to let go
Oh it's taking its toll, deep in my soul
Now I've got to let go
We wrote our story, and we sang our songs
We hung our pictures on the wall
Now those precious moments
That we carved in stone
Are only memories after all
-Memories
-Shawn Mendes

•••••

I shut the door behind me, leaving Ryder alone in his room. I leaned against the chipped wood, my head tilted up towards the ceiling.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as my closed eyes tried to prevent the tears that were building up from spilling. I sniffed as I wiped at the few stray ones that managed to escape and eventually gave up on trying to make them stop.

I wrapped my arms around my torso, clothed in a navy blue tank top. I felt my heart throb as I let out all the emotions I had kept in ever since I saw Ryder at the start of the night.

No matter how many times I cried over him, the pain never seemed to lessen. I thought I could get him out of my mind, but he seemed to be the only thing playing on it these days.

I used to think it was just us against the world, until that world caved in and attacked us instead. We had each other, but I guess it's just human nature to crave more than what you already have. I would have never been enough for him...even as the thought appeared in my head, I shook it away.

No, that wasn't why he left me, he left me because he felt partly responsible for me getting shot. I collected my emotions and stood up straight, making my way out of the fighter's rooms and back where the ring was clearing out, the final fight having finished.

I exited the warehouse and found Violet and Cameron waiting patiently for me by Cameron's car. I gave them a weak smile as Violet placed a hand on my shoulder in concern.

"You good?" she asked, giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze.

I felt another lump form in my throat as my lips quivered from the pressure of keeping my sobs from escaping.

I nodded, closing my eyes to collect my racing thoughts. I was never good with words anyways.

"Yeah, I'm all good. Just tired," I finished off lamely, the lie even sounded terrible to me as I said it.

Violet bit her lip, contemplating whether she should believe me or question me further. I hoped it wasn't the latter. She pulled away and opened the car door.

I thanked her and slid into the back seat, the leather cold where it touched the underside of my thighs exposed due to the fact that I was wearing my favourite pair of denim shorts. It was a hot night in Grey's Town and just as Cameron made a U-turn, it started to slowly drizzle.

I leant on my elbow, gazing at the tiny droplets that fell from the sky. The adrenaline of the night was starting to wear off, and was replaced by exhaustion.

"Riley, there's something-"

"Ah, maybe now's not such a good time babe," Violet cut Cameron off, glancing at him from the passenger seat.