Hinkypunk

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"No mom he isn't doing good. I'll try again. I know. I know." Harry paused and looked at me. "She wants to talk to you." 

With a heavy sigh I sit down and take the phone from him. Three weeks four days and sixteen hours since Hermione jumped.

"Cedric honey are you there?" Lily's kind voice came from the small black device.

"Yeah." I couldn't talk to her, I failed them. They spent more then twenty years keeping her safe and I couldn't manage it for a month.

"Cedric, she's gone. I'm sorry honey but it's time to come home." Her words made sense but I couldn't let her go. My hand clenches around her rings that I have on a chain.

"I can't, I'll bring her back. I promise." I begin but Harry puts his hand on my back.

"No son, you can't. When she came into our lives we were so happy, but we've always known one day she'd go back to the ocean.I just always hoped we could have said goodbye. You and Harry need to come home." I could hear the tears in her voice.

"Okay." I whisper handing the phone back to Harry. He sighed and walked a little away from me.

"Yeah, I'll turn the boat around. We should be there in a couple days. Yeah I will. I know. I love you too." He hung up the phone and sat beside me again.

He must hate me I caused him to lose his sister. Harry pats my back and leans back against the bench. Sowerby hopped onto the table by me and aggressively pecks my hand.

"Cedric it wasn't your fault. I hope one day you accept that." He sighs and gets up. Sowerby gargles at me before pecking me again. Bird has been punishing me since she left. I deserve it, so I let him abuse me.

"We both know it's my fault." I say sliding the small rings against chain. "If I hadn't behaved like a jealous school boy. She would still be here."

"The whole situation was completely out of everyone's control. You behaved better then I would have." He said waving his wand over wheel.

"Harry what do I now?" I ask hanging my head in my hands pulling at my roots.

"I don't know man, just take it one day at a time. Let's just get home." Harry wasn't know for his pearls of wisdom.

We arrived at a dock the Potters put in while we were gone. Evie and Lily were waiting for us. They pulled Harry into a hug.

"Ginny is waiting up at the main house." I heard Lily whisper to him and he smiled.

"You going to be okay?" He asked his body already leaning towards the house. I nod and he runs off. My heart stopped for a second. It's been happening every time I think of her. Everything goes numb yet burns at the same time.

"Ginny knew seeing them together would hurt to much." Evie said as she pulled me into a hug. "It's okay son."

I wanted to collapse in her arms and cry. I don't. They are being so kind and I can't breathe.

"I'm sorry." I finally choke out when Lily hugs me. She tightens her hold on me.

"It isn't anyone's fault honey." Her voice was calm and full of sympathy. "You loved her so much, she needed that. Thank you for giving her that."

That's when I collapsed. I fell to my knees and began blubbering like a bloody infant. She held my head to her stomach and I wrapped my arms her. Evie put her hand on my shoulder. They let me carry on for I don't know how long. When I finally calmed down they both gave me a smile.

"You're staying here, I hope you know that." Evie said as we began walking to the house.

"I can't." I can't stay, I cost them their beautiful girl. They will always blame me for losing her.

"You will, I won't hear of you leaving us. You're family now." Evie said and I sighed and gave her a small nod.

That was eleven months and four days ago. Sowerby disappeared three days ago. I was always being left behind, without saying a word I left the chain on my dresser and ran away. The days filled with fire whiskey and in a different bed every night. Around the second month of the booze filled haze Harry found me in a sleazy motel a stranger leaving my room.

"She seems nice." He says sarcastically as I lit a cigarette. I shrugged and leaned against the headboard. "Time to come home brother."

"You're not my brother and I have no home." I exhaled a large plume of smoke. He threw my trousers at my face.

"Get your drunk arse in the shower, it's time to go home and I'm not bringing you back smelling like a bloody whorehouse." He growled stomping into the bathroom turning the shower on.

"Again, no." I tossed my trousers on the floor and continued smoking.

"You think you're the only one hurting?" He yelled at me. "She was my sister."

"I know that. Why do you think I left?She was their daughter, your sister.  I'm the one that lost her." I yelled back and jumped out the bed.

"Merlin, Cedric. We've gone over this we don't blame you." He began and I interrupted him.

"You should. We have to blame someone. It has to be me." I hit my chest to keep myself from saying what I really feel.

"Why? Why does it have to be you?" He ask sitting down on the not so clean chair.

"Harry no." My chest was tightening and I couldn't breath.

"No, it's been a year and you still won't say it." He watched me pace around the room. I knew I was spiraling but I couldn't stop it. "Cedric breath."

I couldn't breath. Every memory happy and bad going though my mind. Harry forced me to sit on the bed.

"Breath dammit." He said grabbing my wrist to check my pulse.

"It has to be me." I whimpered in a voice I couldn't recognize.

"But it's not. We all know. You just have to believe it too." He sat back done as I started crying.

"I can't believe what you want me to. She loved me. I know she did." I whispered finally.

"I don't not doubt that." Harry replied, he was going to force me to say it.

"But she choose him. She left me." I say out loud for the first time and the weight around my heart lightens a little.

"Yeah, she left us." He quickly used his sleeve to wipe away a couple tears. After a few minutes of silence he stood up. "Take a shower it's time to go home."

"Why?" I ask standing up picking up my pants before heading to the shower.

"Grams is sick, asked me to bring you to her." He closed the door behind him. I took the quickest shower I ever took before meeting him outside. It was time to go home again.

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