Quiet

Chapter Four: Remember the Moment

I yawned getting a look from Brendon and Sarah. Sarah just smiled and picked up my hand putting it to my mouth. This was a sign of good manners. I knew that but, much like any person in a new place. I wanted to test my boundaries. How far can I push them before they get upset.

"So Logan I think it would be a good idea if we take some sign language classes and you take some speech classes." Sarah said looking me dead in the eyes.

I got up frantically signing 'No'. I did not want this. I did not wish to speak. I was taught from a young age how unimportant and repulsive my voice was. All my hard work of not speaking from the time I was 4-8 would go down the drain. I had worked hard to get to this point of not speaking, where it was now naturally. I no longer felt the need to speak as I could express myself in a different way.

"I don't think she wants that Sarah." Brendon said looking at me as I grew frustrated knowing they didn't understand me while I could still clearly understand them.

I am mute, not deaf. I could hear and communicate just not verbally. That's how I survived. I pushed my chair out from the breakfast bar. Sliding my plate forward with my fork stuck in the syrup from the pancakes that were made. I slammed my chair back into the breakfast bar with a loud bang. The metal bang echoed through the house. I stomped upstairs sitting near the stairwell. Eavesdropping into their conversation now on how to parent me.

"I don't think we should push her too much right now sweetie." Brendon said. He moved further away from the stairs and deep into the kitchen.

"Bren, we can't baby her forever. She is 17. She should be in school, making friends, carrying on conversations. Not writing down on some whiteboard or pad of paper. I don't have an issue with the sign language. I feel like she wants to make no attempt to communicate with us." Sarah said back bitterly at Brendon.

Did she even want me here? I looked down at my feet that were swinging from the balcony area between the bars. My foot accidently hit the beam. This cause both of them to move quickly over to the staircase and look at me. I sat there deer in the headlights.

"Logan Blake were you eavesdropping on us?" Sarah said cocking her head to the side.

She sound quite angry with me. I had a feeling we did not get off on a good foot and the foot was not attempting to go in the right direction either. My feet were padding through unknown waters with a broken and misguided compass guiding them.

I signed maybe, cautiously getting up and making a mad dash for my door. I went to lock the door but was not fast enough. Brendon ran in and I ran to the bathroom slamming the door and locking it. I slid my body down the back of the door trying to level out my breathing. Brendon banged on the door causing me to hit my head on it as an echo.

"Come on Logan, open the door." Brendon banged helplessly.

I signed 'No'. knowing he could see me. He finally groaned I head the jingle of keys. Causing me to rush myself into the bathtub. I sat on the floor of the bathtub putting my head between my knees and bringing my arms above it. I was prepared as soon as the door open for him to pull me up by my hair.

The door opened. He came and in and sat down on the side of the tub. Sarah stood in the doorway a little unsure of how to approach me in a vulnerable state. I was scared, terrified even. I didn't know what they were capable. You always hear the horror stories of what it is like being adopted. You hear the good ones too on rare occasions but not really. You are warned that this will most likely not be your fate and to always be on your best behavior. Well my behavior was inadequate. I kept my head down and my fingers interlocked as the silent tears rolled down my face.

"Logan.." Sarah sighed and I heard her light steps forward toward where Brendon and I sat.

"I'm not mad. I am just I'm a little frustrated." She said laying a hand on my back.

I gasped and shifted further back into the tub. Trying to get as much distance so I'd have room to defend myself if it came down to that.

"Logan, We are not going to hurt you." Brendon said trying to get me to look at them, I just kept my head down.

I finally looked up after a short time. You could tell they were concerned. I made a fist and rubbed in a circular motion on my upper collarbone region.

'I'm sorry.' I signed and the tears were still free falling, cascading imperfect marks on my face.

Brendon opened his arms for me. I shook my head no. He stayed there in that position until he got his hug. Sarah gave me a knowing look as if to say 'Logan Blake give him a hug'. I knew how far I could push and it was not far with her. I finally scooted my way near Brendon and gave him a hug. He wrapped both his arms around me tightly. He ran his fingers through my hair and muttered that it would be okay. I knew it would be okay it's just when. How long would this adapting to each other take. No family is perfect. But, no family should have to deal with a mistake like me.