Quiet

Chapter Seven: You're Beautiful

I sat listening to Brendon sing and finish recording. When we left and got home I asked if I could go into the studio at home. He nodded reluctantly. I ran off toward the back of the house. I opened the door to the most beautiful area of the house I had seen. I went and sat his drums begin to start out a beat. I was not a musician or any good at any instrument. I just enjoyed thinking I was. I beat on the drums trying my best to find my beat. Trying to find anything to validate me. I finally stopped beating the drums taking in a few deep breaths. I stared at the wall fighting back the tears.

Why are you here?

Don't you know it's all a lie?

They don't love you.

They don't want you here.

You're a mistake.

I turned my head to the opening door as it creaked. I held the drumstick ready to throw it. I ducked down behind the drums trying to hide but that was a mistake, you could see the very top of my head.

"Logan? Are you okay?" A voice asked me from the door.

"Yeah," I signed meekly.

I stood up from behind the drum kit dropping the drumstick. I had put quite a few indents into the sides of the wooden stick. I was letting my brain win. I didn't even notice the concerning looks I got from Brendon as he closed the door behind him.

"Logan," Brendon said stepping forward. Brendon put his hand out for me to grab.

I looked at it and placed my small hand in his. He looked at me giving me a small smirk. I looked at him with squinted eyes. His hands were rough, my guess it was from the drum sticks. He pointed to the guitar hanging on the wall.

"That is probably my favorite instrument to play." He said.

I nodded my head and pointed to the electric piano. I signed that was my favorite. He looked at me confused so I tried to show the movements for the words with my mouth.

"you like the piano?" He questioned.

I nodded my head vigorously. I began to act like I was playing. I always began in middle C position and would work my way out keys. I spun around continuing to act like I was playing. Brendon laughs giving me a genuine smile. For once, we were bounding.

"There is an actual piano in the house, not this electric thing."

I signed that I knew. I was afraid to play it and break it. Everything seemed so expensive. Everything was so expensive. I looked around the room at all his different equipment. I started pointing and was in complete awe.

"Logan I have a question," Brendon asks leaning against his desk that had a computer on it.

I looked at him shrugging my shoulders as if to say continue. He looked at me perplexed on what to ask me. He started to speak then stopped trying to find the words groaning when he couldn't.

"Okay please don't take this offensively. but, why don't you speak." He asked me as I started to look down at our shoes again.

Brendon pulled me closer to him and made me look up at him.

"I want to help you Log, we all do. But, we've got to know."

I nodded and acted like I was writing saying I needed a pencil and paper. He rushed me inside to a different office area were he handed me a blank white sheet of paper and a purple pen. I took a deep breath allowing the air to fill my lungs before letting it exit my body.

My old family, they would talk about how annoying I sounded. They hated the sound of my voice and I got beat when I spoke. I used to walk around singing songs. Overall I was a pretty happy child but that doesn't last. Not when you are moved from house to house. I have been adopted 3 times and I was always taken back. The last time was the worse. Then I was brought to you and Sarah.

"No hunny that is not what I want to know. I want to know your story. Tell me everything I should know because we didn't get to formally meet you and discuss that. We didn't read a file. We saw you and we knew you would be our daughter."

I fought back the painful memories. My hand twitched dropping the pen. Brendon looked at me terrified as I seemed to have been possessed. I fought back the tears shaking my head. It was too soon. I fought back the memories before letting out a whimper. The sound seemed to escape my lips all too soon. I sunk from the chair to the floor covering my ears.

"Logan... Logan, Hey look at me." Brendon said putting his hand under my chin again.

I looked into his deep brown eyes. I admired his eyelashes and the small wrinkles under his eyes. He kept telling me to breathe and would count for me to breathe. He grabbed my hand putting it on his chest telling me to repeat after him. It was no sue though I was spiraling. There was no stopping it.

"where are you, you bitch!" He yelled from the top of the steps to the house.

I sat playing on the sidewalk with some sidewalk chalk. He was drunk again you could see it. His ice-cold eyes told me he was drunk. Even being 10 I knew he was drunk. The smell was repulsive. I wanted to run but I knew it was no use. My 10-year-old legs were no match for his 26-year-old legs. He grabbed me by my ponytail pulling me up.

"Your bitch of a mother left me with you again while she goes on some 'business' trip. Probably to go fuck another man!" He screamed spitting in my face.

"Oh, why don't you cry some more you worthless piece of shit." He spat at me ripping out some of my hair leaving my scalp to bleed.

That's when his son raced outside to play with the chalk himself. The man set me down not taking the ice cold heartless eyes not leaving mine. I whimpered and went to say something to his son.

"Why do you even bother talking sweetheart it's not like anyone is listening to you." He said stepping closer to me.

I took a step back thinking about making a run for the woods behind his house. I thought twice because I knew of the bear traps back there.

Before I knew it my vision began to shift in and out and the scene changed, I was now younger.

"come on Logan lets climb the tree!" Ryleigh yelled down to me as she climbed up the tree.

His brother was already up at the top with his friend Tyler. I was scared to climb up behind her but she assured me it was safe. Tyler, Josh, and Ryleigh all were cheering me on as I took a step up onto a branch and pulled myself up. I felt on top of the world at the top before my world came crashing down. Ryleigh fell from the top of the tree breaking her arm. Tyler and Josh rushed home with Ryleigh. That was the night my parents died. Our house was robbed. They invaded our house shooting and killing them both at point-blank range. I found their lifeless bloody bodies on the tile floor to our kitchen.

I felt my body shake and I started to fight Brendon as he pulled me into his chest.

"It's okay Logan I got you. It's okay." Brendon said as I let out a few more deep breaths before putting my head in his chest and sobbing. It was not a silent thing. I let out whimpers and had trouble controlling my breathing.

"It'll be okay." He said running his hand through my hair.

I shook my head pulling on my sleeves to tug them over my hands. Brendon noticed and pushed my sleeves up to at least my wrist. I had small tiny scars there but that's all they were scars. He didn't notice them he just wiped my tears with his thumbs and rocked us back and forth on the floor for a few minutes. We finally stood up and I wrote down my history on a sheet of paper. I used probably 4 sheets of paper compiling my life story for him and Sarah to read. I handed it over and went to my room to pack.

Good Girl Logan knows your place. No one will ever love a fucked up girl.

You're so beautifully fucked up girl.