Quiet

Chapter Sixty-Six: Bad Parent

"So Logan, it appears you might have been because your HCG levels are slightly raised but they aren't raised enough to give a positive test. We then have to ask if you'd like to go ahead and take the pill or if you'd just like to continue as if this test was never taken." The nurse said holding a clipboard.

Alex took in a deep breath and looked at me. He grabbed my hand tightly and gave it a tight squeeze before giving it another gentle squeeze.

"I can give you a few minutes with your parent if you'd like or Beckett, I can go get him or brief him-"

'No, we can do the pill and then continue on. This doesn't get mentioned to him. It is in regards to my health.' I said and Alex looked at me nodding

"Okay. I will be right back then." The nurse said and walked out of the room.

Alex looked at me eyeing me up and down. I began to feel sick to my stomach at my own decision. I wanted to cry and scream and how unfair life was. I wasn't ready for this holy shit. I bit my bottom lip and looked at Jack who entered the room at the wrong time.

"What's going on-"

"Jack we just have to respect Logan's decision." Alex swallowed and you could hear it because it became dead silent.

The nurse came back with a pill in a medicine cup and a glass of water.

"We will have to do more labs in a few hours. So you may be here a while. We also might have to move you up to a different floor." She said and I nodded understand her.

She stood there while I held the pill and the cup of water. I looked at the pill and then I downed it like a shot and drank all the water in the cup. I couldn't do this. The tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as I looked at Alex. Alex wiped away my tears and Jack came and sat on the bed. He set off the bed alarm too and a nurse ran in. I couldn't help but laugh at the still gut-wrenching sadness I felt.

"Sorry, I'll turn that off." She said and Jack sat down.

We talked for a while, I had more blood drawn. Everything looked fine so I was released. I stopped in Kolbi's room knocking on the door. I looked at the girl who was so peacefully asleep and I still felt sick to my stomach. Beckett looked at me and motioned for me to enter.

"I told Rian," Those were the first words out of his mouth, they were not the words I wanted to hear.

"You what?"

"I told Rian he asked what was wrong. If there was something wrong with you and it just came out." He shrugged and looked down at me.

"You told Rian. Oh, this is just great." I said and looked at him through the blurry vision.

"Logan, what if you are? What are we going to do? What the hell am I going to do? I am going off to college when we get back. Ryleigh is going to finish off high school while you guys record. Fuck, I want this to work. I am already a terrible father to Kolbi. We would both be terrible parents if we had a kid. God I wish I could make this seem okay in my mind but I can't-" He said and I got up.

"Then be glad I'm not," I said and stormed out of the room running straight out the doors.

I had already been dismissed so it didn't matter. I heard Alex running behind me, and all I could do once he caught up was cry. I couldn't find the words to describe the pain in hearing his words. Alex wrapped me in a cold embrace. Cold as in it was chilly and I had his jacket still.

"It's okay. We still love and support you and you will alwa-"

"He said I wouldn't be a good mom." I sobbed into his chest as Alex rubbed the back of my head pulling me closer to him.