Quiet

Chapter Forty-Seven: Wrote Eyes

There is something about waking up to a shirtless man child in bed with you that makes me laugh. I woke up and looked at a peacefully sleeping with his lips parted just ever so slightly. I tip toed over to my suitcase and pulled out my journal I had brought. I began to look over at Beckett and couldn't help but feel loved.

I titled the page and gave it a journal entry date.

Proud

I am proud of who I became for a lot of reasons

Though challenges thrown my way were not pleasant

I came out alive.

Alive was not a place I wanted to be for a long time.

I fought for a while to see the brighter side

I never could through hazy eyes

I paused and looked at Beckett who rolled over and wrapped an arm around my body. He pulled himself up just enough to kiss the corner of my mouth.

"Good morning baby," He said against my skin before reading over what I had written.

"I feel as though I should be writing this to you," He chuckled.

I looked outside at the slight rainstorm coming in. The park was going to be closed for a while so I handed Beckett a few pieces of paper and went over to the dresser and pulled out a shitty hotel pen.

'Write me one then.' I challenged.

"Okay, I just will and then we will exchange writings," he said with a nod before going to his suitcase to pull out a book.

Only my boyfriend would bring a book on vacation. I rolled my eyes smiling gently as he went and sat on the bed by the window every so often looking up to smile at me and then outside. His eyes flickered back and forth like he was reading something in the sky with those gray eyes. I looked back down at my page.

I wouldn't be here today if it were for this

For what I had to do

I had to learn a lot of things

Self-care, Self-awareness, and Self-love.

I had to learn my life isn't just nothing.

I am worth more than imagined

Worth more than I could ever dream of.

Self-awareness was something I was never taught.

I knew I existed in an imperfect world

One that was harsh and not always for the best

I found myself in a world full of sound and noise

Not simply gestures that were my way of communicating

Self love the hardest of these tasks

I had to learn that my scars were mine to carry

Not someone else.

Only I could blame me and blaming me was okay

It is okay for me to feel sad

It is okay for me to feel down