Quiet

Chapter Sixty-Nine: The In-Between

"Did she take anything?"

"No. She just drank some water."

"Well, there was something in her water. I asked but she never answered."

"Beckett!"

"Dude you can't keep shit like that."

"Fuck Brendon is on his way."

"Oh fuck."

I woke up what felt like hours later. I was really unsure of where I was. I felt someone rubbing there fingers over my face. I slowly opened my eyes to see Tobias. I looked at him and then closed my eyes again.

"Come on its time to go." He said and grabbed my hand.

I was not hooked up to any wires or anything. I looked at him confused. He had this genuine smile that didn't leave his freckled face. I watched his movements that we so realistic. It felt real holding his clammy hand in my own. I got up and was in some light wash skinny jeans. I look at Tobias as he was wearing a blue v neck t-shirt and some black skinny jeans. I had on a navy blue shirt. I looked at Tobias as we ran through doors giggling. I felt so free, so happy. Why couldn't I live like this so happily?

"Come on you're only going to be here for a little while." Tobias said as he dragged me around places.

Days moved so much faster in this world of in-between. That's where Tobias told me I was the in-between. He told me I could look in if I wanted to. He said he did for a while before he met up with his dad.

"I apologized for being such a shit son and he told me it was never my fault. It was his. He told me I should prepare you for the after." Tobias said as we sat and ate some food.

"So let's discuss why you are here, you tried to kill yourself with some high dose Tylenol you somehow stole from Zack," Tobias looked at me raising an eyebrow.

"I know it sounds stupid and it sounds even worse now," I muttered back.

"It's nice hearing your voice. I have heard it a lot from here and it's really lovely. I am sorry I left you a puzzle you couldn't figure out." Tobias said and smirked almost snorting his drink.

"Oh fuck you," I said and chuckled as Tobias smiled.

"I know Brendon took the notes he had a good reason. Know that the puzzle will still be there waiting for you if you want to solve it one day." Tobias said and then sighed heavily.

"I am going to solve it and I think I want to write. I think that is what I want to do when I-" I paused then looked into Tobias' green eyes.

"I get to go back right?" I gulped and Tobias looked at me with a sad expression.

"No, I want to go back. I didn't mean to. You got to what I thought this was the in-between." I began to ramble.

"Gosh you are turning into him and it is so nice to see this side of you. Oh, there is someone I'd you to meet." Tobias took my hand.

We walked for what felt like a few minutes but Tobias informed me it was 30 minutes at this time. I looked at him a little confused as we were at a house. It looked like his house. I had stories of this house. I heard a baby crying I looked at him confused then it all clicked in my head.

"My dad is in there if you want to meet the baby and see him. I am pretty sure he'd be happy to you and a little upset. I didn't expect it to take this long but I mean you'll know when it happens. When the decision has been made." Tobias said and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets like Alex.

"I think you'd like them," I said as Tobias cocked his head to the side.

"Who said I'd never meet them?" He smirked and opened the door.

Dr. John Carter stood in the doorway with what I knew to be his first wife. He stood there rocking a baby back and forth in his arms. He noticed me and waved me in. I smiled as Tobias wrapped an arm around me. I enjoyed the warm embrace never wanted to leave this warm world. I love it here, everything felt so perfect.

"His name is Sirius," I cut John off though looking at the baby in his arms.

"Like the star." We said at the same time as he looked up at me smiling.

"Do you want to hold him?" He asked and I nodded putting my hands out for the baby.

Tobias wrapped an arm around me ash I saw a flash go off. I smiled as John took a picture of us. I leaned my head on Tobias' shoulder and looked down at the baby in my arms. It had Beckett's soft gray eyes and his really soft light freckles just across his nose. I ran my finger up and down the baby's cheek. I looked at the baby's features and began to feel the tears violently assault my skin running down my cheeks.

"You regret it don't you?" John said and looked at me with those crystal blue eyes.

I nodded my head up and down.

"Sirius doesn't just have to live here in the in-between you know. When you're ready you may have a Sirius of your own." John said and put his hands out for the baby as he began to cry I felt my heart being ripped from my chest.

I couldn't do this anymore it felt like a violent assault on my pride. I began to think of all the things that could have happened. Kolbi could've had a little brother. Kolbi could've had a sibling. All these thoughts began to invade my brain and it was becoming too much. The tears kept their violent assault on my cheek as Tobias flicked them with his thumbs.

"Logan you have to stop crying. He is okay, it's all going to be okay soon," He said and I looked at him.

"Alex and I, we talk about stars and he- he knows what the name means to me," I said and my voice felt hoarse.

"Logan you are going to go back soon and it is going to be bitter and so hard. You have to decide do you want to stay or if you want to go. You have to make that decision. I-I think I made the wrong decision a lot of the time. I want you to know no matter what I love you. I will always love you and it was a privilege to have my heart ripped to shreds by you, intended or not." Tobias licked his lips like he always did and I couldn't help but press my lips against his forcefully.

Tobias held the back of my head as I kissed him. The kissed deepened before Tobias looked at me with flushed cheeks. He went and stood at the staircase waving at me.

"Have a good life Logan Blake. Also, Alex is right, you are the shit and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you." He smiled that cheeky fucking smile that made me feel like a little kid.

Everything faded out into black and I knew I was now in the in-between of my decision.

Come on fucking make a decision.

"Do they expect her to wake up?"

"Logan, I am so fucking sorry."

"I can't keep doing this."

"We can't keep trying to save her."

"I know she has to want to save herself."

"What if she doesn't believe she is going to get better?"

"What if she doesn't know she is truly loved?"

"It feels like I failed you."

"Jesus Christ this is hard, I didn't think I'd ever see someone like this again."

"Come on sweetheart wake up, please. We need you here."

"Logan if you can hear me please, I'm sorry for being such a shitty friend."

"I love you and I'm sorry I didn't show you sooner."

"It's okay, mommy. I know that one day you'll be with us again. We'll be a family then. Daddy, you, me, and Sirius."