matty healy, falling in love over night

do we have to?

"we're here" george said pulling into the parking lot. i sighed taking off my seatbelt
"you okay?" he asked
"yeah i just, it's weird"
"yeah i get that" he said
"i went from sleeping with matty to on his sofa"
"hey i said you could have my bed!" george said faking hurt
"shutup" we got out of the car and i shrugged on mattys leather jacket. walking up to apartment 102 we were greeted by leon the doorman
"george?" he asked
"yeah leon?"
"it's um it's matty" george sighed and rubbed his head
"go on"
"he came down here earlier with a bottle of wine, completely out of it. i took him back up and locked the door, his keys here" he said handing it to george
"thanks mate" george said to him shaking his hand. leon nodded at me with hurt in his eyes. he knew all too well what was going on.
"thanks leon" i added. we walked towards the elevator and as the door closed george slid down the wall
"i cant grace" i sat beside him
"i cant watch him ruin himself again. this close to tour"
"he isn't your responsibility george"
"i'm just so tired of having to be the strong one. i want to cry and get drunk and throw things but i cant"
"i know, i know" i said starting to cry along with him. the elevator doors opened and he got up before offering me his hand.
"time to face the music"

we opened the apartment door, expecting to find everything torn apart, to just see two empty wine bottles and mattys old black notebook. i picked the notebook up, and a page fell onto the floor
"he's not here"
"yeah he will be on the roof" alarm bells went off in my head
"don't worry he always goes up there when he needs time to think. this is good"
i stayed staring at the words on the page
"i'm gonna shower you okay?"
"yeah that's fine georgie" i said as he left

grace.
grace i've tried to write this so many times. maybe i don't love you? or maybe i love you too much to love you. that's it. i love you too much to let myself love you. you've been through so much already and i thought i could hold myself together for you. i cannot. i always told you that i'd let you see the pages i wrote. i lied. i won't ever let you see them because it would hurt me. i want to be open with you but i can't without fearing of hurting you

wiping away tears that had gathered, i dropped the book on the marble worktop and headed for the roof.
"matty?" i called once i was out there. the wind was whipping my hair around my face, making my legs shake uncomfortably.
"grace?" he asked. i saw him slumped against a fan.
"oh matty" i said crouching beside him
"i've fucked it haven't i?"
"no matty, you can pull this back, you have time"
"i am so so sorry" i understood now
"it's okay" and i finally meant it. he didn't have to be strong all the time
"i'm done with it. i've only drunk today and the others to alleviate the shakes and constant ache for it"
"sh matty" i said stroking his head slowly
"shall we get you down?" he nodded at me. i took his arm over my neck and supported his weight. crashing down the halls with matty laughing at my side felt like i was 17 and falling in love with him all over again.
"shhh we have neighbours" i whispered
"where did you two go today?" he asked
"he took me to a funfair that he and lia visited a lot"
"how was it?"
"nice"
"here we are" i said unlocking the door and pushing it open. i shut the door with my foot and dropped the keys back onto the countertop. we stumbled into our room where matty fell onto the bed. sighing i removed his shoes and socks before pulling the duvet over him.
i walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water for when he woke up in the morning
"he okay?" george asked reappearing next to me fresh out of the shower with water beads hanging of him and only a towel round his toned waist
"he's better, we talked" i said heading back to the room with the water.
"i'll see you tomorrow then kid?"
"course you will. you're stuck will me" george smiled like a weight had been lifted
"love you"
"love you" walking in to mattys room i left the water beside his bed before kissing his forehead softly. as i got up to leave he grabbed my arm and croaked
"stay?" i nodded, i'd missed his warmth beside me, i climbed under the duvet
"i love you grace"
"i know"
"i love you" i added
i just didn't know if he meant it anymore