matty healy, falling in love over night

wrong

the next morning

*missed call from 078716121219*

i had no idea who's number it was, my family, gemma and lewis were the only ones with mine so i decided i'd call the number

"hi this number called me earlier?" i said once they picked up

"please don't put the phone down" i heard the voice at the other end say

"who is this?" i asked scared of the answer

"george"

"i told you not to contact me" i said bluntly

"i'm sorry but grace it's matty"

"i don't care george" i lied

"he's in barbados"

"okay?"

"in rehab"

i didn't say anything at first because i didn't know what to say. i didn't even think he could be using anymore

"okay?" i finally said

"is that all you have to say?" george asked

"what do you want from me?"

"i know what he did grace but please don't do this"

"do what? walk away? have a good life without him?"

"he needs you"

"oh fuck off i needed him. IM PREGNANT I FUCKING NEEDED HIM GEORGE" i sobbed finally

"i'm sorry but-"

"no. i'm done" i said putting the phone down and covering my eyes with my hands. i didn't know how to feel. angry. sad. exhausted. i felt like i'd never be done running away from the disaster that was matty healy. i let the tears come fast, i started crying loud. i didn't want to worry gemma but at the same time i was so done with feeling like this

i heard gemma knock before entering

"hey" she said sitting on my bed

"hi" i whispered not moving my hands from my face

i liked that she didn't ask. she knew it was time to ask and that i just needed to not be alone right now. she took my phone and blocked the number, i was grateful for that

"we will change it if it sets your mind at ease" gemma said smoothly

"thankyou" i said in a small voice

i felt about 3ft tall, like 3 months hadn't passed and i was being sucked back into the world of matty healy. i was hurt by george, i needed matty and where was he? with another girl for our whole relationship.
i guess his words hurt the nose because despite everything he had kept from me i hoped one day we could be friends again. maybe not.

"i'll get some ice cream" she said padding through to the kitchen, i couldn't help but smile despite the thoughts in my head

i was thankful for gemma, she held my hand through everything these days and it felt like i'd known her my whole life, not just a matter of months.

she cane back into my room and got back under my duvet with a tub of ice cream

"gem it is 10 am we can't eat ice cream"

she scowled at me

"your 19. and pregnant. i'm 20 and sad. we can do whatever we want when we want"

i laughed

"you got me there"

"i don't think i'll ever stop loving him" i told gemma

"i know" she said

"it hurts so much every single day, i just want to fall him and tell him i love him so much. to tell him i forgive him for everything and that o want nothing more than the white picket fence dream"

"it will get easier, he's all you've known for years now, soon it will hurt less and less until it's just a small amount of pain"

"i don't think i can gemma" i said staring at the ice cream spoon

"hey hey look at me"

"if anyone can you can grace, you've been through so much in such a little amount of time"

"gemma he broke you, you still cry" i told her

"yes he did" she said with her head held high

"and i'm still broken and hurting but i know one day the pain will leave, the anger will leave and i'll hold nothing for him"

"why do we love him so much?" i asked her

"because he is so lovable, everything about him. he makes you feel so special and wanted" she saiid her eyes growing misty as she plunged her spoon back into the ice cream

"but he's also a disaster, he hurts and destroys until there's nothing left but rubble. and that's why he will always end up alone"

"gemma?" i asked

"yes?"

"thankyou for everything"

she smiled at me,

"no, thankyou"

gemma's pov

"get some rest okay" i said shutting graces door softly

she'd been through so much to say she was only nineteen ... when i was nineteen i was still completely hurting over matty. a year on not a lot had changed but i was a stronger person and i knew she would come this stage one day, the stage where it still hurts but not as much.

i checked my phone emails to see one from jamie

hey,
matty is up for tomorrow is grace?

grace had messaged jamie to see matty once he was available. we had only just found out he'd been in rehab, we thought he'd just been under the radar so the fact he'd just left rehab was convenient for us.

"are you up for seeing matty tomorrow?" i asked grace walking back into her room, she groaned and nodded at the same time

"the way i understand that" i said laughing

i walked into the kitchen and poured myself a black coffee. i began thinking of matty once i sat on the island chairs, in his mums house she had an island too and we would always sit on top of it, she'd go mental and yell and yell. ur we never listened.
i looked at my knees in my bed shorts and saw the tiny scar on my right knee, matty did that. i remember we were stumbling off the tube at 5am. i fell into the floor tiles because o was giving matty a piggy back and ever since i'd had a tiny scar.
i use to love it.
now i hated it because it was a constant reminder of me being fucked over and over.

grace knew most of what happened but not all of it, i wanted to keep some of it hidden until i was sure she wouldn't cut him out completely. the child needed matty too. but he'd done way worse things than what i told her, i just didn't know if she'd ever be ready to hear it. he still had some good left in her eyes, a tiny tiny bit, but it was still there.  i saw it