chapter thirty

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This period was the hardest part of my life, the hospital had become my new home, unable to go anywhere else, how could I leave Brandon alone at this time of his life?

It had been only weeks ago when we had been in the woods playing around and now all memories are in the hospital hoping he recovers soon.

I wasn't the only one hit badly by this, everyone was. A heart transplant wasn't as easy as a kidney transplant, it cost a lot more money and it was harder to find a donor... Who was going to sacrifice a heart? Would you?
And even if we got a heart donor the surgery was a complicated one the doctor already informed us that Brandon had a 50% chance of surviving, who would want to sacrifice their heart for someone's survival who wasn't even certain?

And during all this I realized life meant nothing, you could go to bed anytime and not wake up the next morning, you could have an incident or illness that would change everything. People said gambling was bad but life was a gamble itself. Full of uncertainty but that was what gave life this fun thrill and at the same time was what made it dangerous, knowing that anytime, at any moment you could lose everything just like that.

Even if things ended like this I never regretted any moment I shared with Brandon, every single memory meant the world to me and I wasn't going to let him leave the earth without reconciling with his best friend Casper... No matter how much I wanted to deny it, I was the cause of everything the rift, the bond lost between brothers, Casper's current state, everything was my fault and it hurt me — it really did.

So for the first time I left the hospital in weeks and I only had one place in mind the mental institution, today was the day I was going to face it all.

***
I rode on the bus quietly, my eyes were engulfed in dark circles, I wasn't surprised it had been weeks since I last had a decent sleep, most times I only slept for like 2-3 hours and other times I didn't at all, lost in thoughts, crying, Brandon hadn't woken up since that day, he had been put in a kind of coma, the doctor said it was to slow down the period of death until we could find a solution, he wasn't even dead yet, but I was already losing him.

The bus finally stopped at my bus stop, I had been too lost in thoughts to even notice anyone or anything throughout the ride, I continued my walk silently until I arrived at the giant gates of the institution, it was like a lock down, no one out, no escape, top security. Everything about the place could make someone who wasn't mad run insane.

I had talk to Mrs Jones before the visit, so I didn't have any problem getting in, my presence has already been long requested, Mrs Jones said the therapist had informed her that I was the most essential factor in Casper's recovery because I was the one he hurt most.

One of the security guard led me in, he was dressed in their gray uniform and held a gun as expected, he said no words to me except when necessary... I wasn't comfortable, the more I walked in the more scared I was, I felt like everyone there was like Casper, that they had hurt people like Casper had done to me, the stench of harsh drugs in the air made me nausea.

I had never been more happy when we had arrived at the doctor's office, the guard walked in first, and they exchanged a few words before he came out and told me the doctor was ready to see me now.

“Paige knight” the male doctor smiled and gestured me to take a sit, he was an aged man, probably in his late fifties, but he seemed nice, at least I was comfortable and at peace.

“I'm Dr. Clarke” he smiled and shook my hand. “I have been in charge of Casper since he was brought in and I would feel bad if I didn't apologize to you about the tragic incident... I'm really sorry for what Casper did”

I nodded, that's all I could do, I didn't know what to say, being here now brought back too many flashes of memories I didn't want to remember.

“Casper, how do you feel when I mention his name”

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