chapter thirty two

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I missed Brandon, I missed Brandon so badly and it was killing me inside, every single bone in my body ached for him, I wanted to smell nothing but his sweet cologne, I wanted to cuddle up in his arms and watch some cliche movies together, I wanted to do every single thing I couldn't do with him right now and knowing I couldn't, broke my heart.

His words rushed through my head "one day you're going to sit here without me and I'll be the only thing you can think of"

And here I was doing the same thing I said I wouldn't, up as early as 5, exercising my butt off, going through what I remembered calling torture, falling to the ground watching the sunrise all alone, no Brandon, no groans, no laughter, no cockily grin. Just me, myself and I and all I could think of was the one person I said wouldn't - Brandon.

Seems like at the end he was right all along, maybe opposites do attract, there's this spark that's just there, you get to grow together, you get to try out things you never thought you could, every day is a new adventure, new excitement, there's just this feeling, like everything feels right. At the beginning I would have done anything to be Casper's bad girl now I would just die to be Brandon's good girl, but in the end I realized the asshole was never an asshole, he was just hiding behind a mask, trying to be a jerk so no one could see the little boy hurting inside...

We all do that, no matter how much we tend to deny it, we all try to hide our pains, our flaws, no one wants to feel weak, no one wants to feel inferior and most of all no one wants to be looked down on. So we cover our faces with colors to cover the black eyes, we chew gums to remove the stench, we laugh so hard to hide the tears, we snap pretty pictures to shield the broken soul. We all hide behind masks, Brandon's was just one among many. But sometimes when we put down those masks is when we truly live.

***
After a cool shower I felt so relaxed and calm, the feeling had become rare to me and as my phone rang it seemed more good news awaited me.

I picked up the call scared at first it wasn't everyday I got a call from Brandon's doctor and I couldn't believe the news he was giving me
Brandon was okay!
Brandon was going to live!
How I asked myself?
Yesterday he laid practically lifeless.

The doctor asked me to hurry over
I couldn't hold back the excitement myself
For the first time good news was all around
Casper was the first number I dialed but there was no answer
I was too happy to worry, so I figured I would give him the good news when I finally got him.

I rushed over to the hospital
So happy and excited
Everyone was already there
It was like I was the last to get the memo
But it was a lie
As I walked into that room where I had spent the longest weeks of my life
I saw a radiant smile
And a soul full of love
He was looking better than ever
I didn't know when tears rolled down my eyes... Tears of joy!
“Paige go hug him they all shouted!”
But I did more than that
I rushed to Brandon with a kiss
A deep kiss
One I had longed for
I didn't care that everyone was watching us
I just wanted to be with him
To have him this close again
So alive.

“How did it all happen?!” I turned to the doctor “you can't tell me it was just a miracle”

“No it wasn't” the doctor smiled “We had a heart donor, it was so shocking last night I got a call and when everything was ready we proceeded with the surgery thankfully everything was successful”

“Omg, Casper would be so happy to hear this! Where is he?” My face beamed with joy as I waited for an answer, his mom was here, so he had to be hiding in a corner somewhere, I couldn't wait to see his face.
For all of us to go celebrate but suddenly as I was allowing the excitement to overwhelm me, I noticed everyone's face wasn't so bright anymore.

His mom walked up to me and placed a letter in my hand “He wanted you to have this”

Fear gripped me
I didn't know what to expect
Everything was finally working out
Everything was finally magical and when I needed him to be by my side to share the joy all I got was a letter.

In a rush I unfolded it
Reading the words out I'm sure everyone was also anxious to listen to the content

Dear Paige... My sweet Paige, I can't describe how much you mean to me and if I place it in writing am afraid I would never be able to finish.

I'm sorry for everything
Sincerely I am.
I know I have said it a million times but I don't feel it's enough
And now I want to give to you a gift
Something I could never really attain... True happiness.

You deserve it knight Deloris Paige, you deserve all the happiness that life has to offer and I know I can't be the one to give it to you, but at least I can make sure the person who can, is alive to do it.

Don't hate me Paige, it was a tough decision to make but it was a right one, I haven't done anything in life to be proud of at least with this I can lay to rest with a clean conscience, I know life doesn't always go the way we want, but we can still enjoy every moment of it.

And as I give my heart to Brandon today I hope you know I did it willing
It was the first thing I've done that has ever felt so right
I know I could never truly make you happy and all I gave you was pain but I would be happy to know that my heart beats in someone who will.

I love you Paige, always have. Till we meet again some day.

With love Casper."

By the end of the letter my eyes were already soaked in tears, and so were the rest of the people in the room
It was a sincere and painful sacrifice
The guy who yesterday was believed to be a monster gave his life up for a friend... Gave his life up for someone else's happiness.

I don't know what else can be as beautiful as that, and we all learned lessons that day, we all grew, we all learned to treasure the memory of Casper.

I don't know what else can be as beautiful as that, and we all learned lessons that day, we all grew, we all learned to treasure the memory of Casper

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Author's note: So this was my first actual story on wattpad, I wanted it short and simple to see how it actually goes and I really enjoyed it.

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