My Girl (Jonathan Toews)

64

Alexis

Prelims for skating was under way and I can't deny it, I was nervous. And not the "I don't want to make a fool of myself" nervous, the "I'm about to throw up everywhere" nervous. My routine was hard and the expectations were high. All eyes were on me and I could feel it. The pressure was bearing down on me and I'm trying to stand my ground. I'm trying not to crack under the pressure, but I felt the weight of my country on my shoulders and I felt like I was starting to sink. I could hold it but eventually we would all fall over if I kept up with this pressure I'm putting on myself.

I take the ice for warm ups and I let out a long sigh. I close my eyes as I focus on calming my rapidly beating heart. I slowly open them and see the arena packed to the brim with people. A lot of red white and blue fill the stands and I know that they're here for me. I didn't want to let anyone down, I didn't want all of this talk to be for nothing. I didn't want to be the worlds disappointment, I couldn't handle the feeling of not being who I want to be again.

As I start to warm up I can tell something was off. The nerves were getting to me as I try to do what I've done a million times before. I was making mistakes I never make and I just felt lost out on the ice. I couldn't stand on my two feet as I tried to twist and turn. I was lost in the crowd that surrounded me and I couldn't get out.

After taking off incorrectly on one of my jumps I get sent crashing to the ground. I hear everyone gasp as I lay there. I grab for my bad knee as I let out a long groan. I don't think I tore anything again because I didn't hear a pop, but it didn't feel good either. So I roll to my back and close my eyes tight. My hands rest on my face as my leg laid there limp. I was afraid that when I opened my eyes I'll see everyone disappointed in me. I couldn't let Pete down, my teammates, the country. I didn't want to get up because I didn't want to fall again.

"Lexi" someone says softly. I knew it was Pete and I knew he wasn't exactly sure what to do. I let out a groan in response and he lets out a sigh. I feel someone start to mess with my knee and it hurt, but I knew it was still in tact. It hurt like a bitch but at least I could still feel it.

I open my eyes and see almost all the skaters surrounding me. There was trainers by my leg looking at it and Pete was kneeling next to me.

"Can you sit up" he asks.

"I think so" I admit. I slowly get to my feet as the trainers pick me up. They take me off the ice and down to the boo boo room. I get set on the table and they take a look at my knee.

"What happened out there" Pete asks as he joins us. Tears form in my eyes as I try not to have a total mental breakdown.

"I don't know" I whisper.

"You do know" he accuses and I let out a sigh. I look up at him as a tear finally falls.

"I'm scared" I admit and he shakes his head.

"There is no reason you should be scared. You're made for this, born for this, you are going to be amazing. You can't let the name of the Olympics get in your head. You can't let the pressure exceed the pleasure. You're the greatest athlete of our generation and it's time you show that to the world" he insists.

"But what if I can't be that girl everyone needs me to be" I ask.

"Then you did all of this for nothing. You defied odds and never took no for a answer and fought harder than anyone need to fight and for what? For you to blow it in warm ups" he asks.

"No" I whisper.

"Pete... can we talk" the trainer asks and he sighs. He eventually nods before taking off to the hallway. I sit there and look at my knee wrapped up with ice. It was throbbing and sore but still nothing like the first time I hurt it.

It felt like forever they were in the hallways talking before they come back. Pete walks over to me and places his hand on my shoulder.

"The Doctor doesn't think it's torn, but he does think it's sprained. You can compete, but you take another fall like that and you're done for" he explains.

"I'm so scared" I admit.

"Then I don't want you out there. It's too dangerous for you to be timid. We can't lose you, not again" Pete insists.

A second later I hear someone clear their throat. I turn and see Jonny in the doorway with my face on his shirt. It said team USA on it and I know he gets so much shit for stuff like that but he's proud to wear it.

"Can we talk, just her and I" Jon asks Pete.

"You need to make a decision in five minutes" Pete says before leaving. He closes her door behind him and Jonathan walks over. He looks at my leg before staring into my eyes.

"So what... this is it" he asks and I sigh.

"Yes... no. I don't know" I admit getting all flustered.

"Do you know why I think you're the strongest person in the world" he asks me.

"No" I admit.

"Because every single time you fall, every time life beats you to the ground, you get back up with a smile and you come back better than ever. You don't let these things define you, you defy them instead. And it makes everyone else feel strong, you make everyone around you better because you are strong enough to take on whatever hits you.

You can't give up now, not after everything we've been through. I can see it in your eyes, you're scared. You don't know how you got here or why you're here. But none of that matters in the end. Your journey isn't over, it's just getting started. But you'll never get to the end if you stop now" he insists. I wipe a tear away as I look at my knee.

"What if I fail" I ask.

"And what if you don't" he counters. I look up into his eyes and I can see that he wasn't going to give up on me. He wasn't going to let me down even though I was feeling down. He had me and it's time I returned the favor.

"Alright. I'll skate. And I'll do it the right way" I promise.

He helps me up and I get restretched. I tell Pete I was ready to go and he reluctantly goes to play the music. I skate out to the ice to a roaring cheer. Many people on their feet as they clap their hands together quickly. I had pain medicine, the legal kind, in my system and a knee brace on my leg. I take a deep breath and remind myself that I was in this position for a reason. I was out here on this ice despite everything that's happened for a reason. And all I had to do left was believe.

I hit my openings pose and it all fades out. I slowly breathe to even out my breaths as soon as the music starts. And like lighter fluid to fire I ignite across the ice like I've never been before. The jitters and doubts were gone, I was back to who I was going to be and that's who I've always been deep down.

I finish the routine with not so much of a bobble. The smile on my face was permanent because that wasn't just about my resurgence into the ice skating world, but it represented me being able to do what was said could never be done. It was about me proving my worth not with words but with my body. I was back and I was better than ever.