H O W W E M E T (JRA) (✔️)

C H A P T E R 38

I wanted to do as much as I could and just participate in the activities. Like I would normally do. So I was going with the others to the lake today. I could've stayed here. Zach didn't want to go, he had the feeling he wouldn't be able to take it, so he stayed here. Mr. Wilson stayed here too. The teachers told us that we always could go back if we felt like it became too much, we had to let them know tho. We all got ready and walked to the lake. Laura turned around halfway, she didn't want to go anymore. We reached the little beach and everyone laid their towel down and started to have fun. It was a bit hard for me to be here.
Jo: "Are you okay?"
Y/N: "Uhh.. Yeah. It's just... Weird to be here"
Jo: "Hmh, I think it's a bit strange to be here too. If you need to talk, come to one of us. And you can always go back if it becomes too much, you know that right?"
I nodded and smiled at him. I just sat on my towel and looked around. I caught myself looking at THE spot several times. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to go here. I don't want to be here. I can't do this, I'm going back. I walked to the teachers and passed Tiffany. She had been sitting alone on her towel too. Also just looking around.
T: "Are you going back?"
I stopped walking.
Y/N: "Yes, I can't do it"
T: "Honestly I don't want to be here too. I never wanna go back here"
Y/N: "Well, then grab your stuff. We can go back together"
She smiled at me. We told the teachers that we were leaving, because it was a bit too much to stay here. They understood and we got permission to go.
T: "It's really brave that you actually still went there"
She said as we were walking back.
Y/N: "I just want to forget about it and do what I would normally do. So I try to participate in as many activities as possible. Even though I literally can't do anything, because I'm still in pain"
T: "Hmh. I understand, it's not nothing"
We talked about random things and Tiffany was actually a nice girl. She really changed. She stopped hating, bragging, being bitchy. She was honestly a nice person. We entered the main building and Zach, Laura and Mr. Wilson sat at a table and were laughing. They looked at us when we entered.
Z: "Already back?"
La: "Everything alright?"
T: "Yes, we just didn't want to be there anymore. It was a bit too hard to face the spot"
W: "I get that, good that you came back. Are you okay too Y/n?"
Y/N: "Yes, I'm good. It just didn't feel right to be there"
We sat down and talked, laughed and played games for the whole day. I had actually so much fun today. We had dinner when everyone else came back. We hung out in the main building for a while and I mostly thought again. I thought about what I wanted and I think that I finally made a decision. Later we went back to our cabins. One of our friends threw a little 'party' in his cabin. He slept in the biggest cabin, so there was enough space. But it wasn't really a party, because we were not allowed to throw one. I didn't go, I wasn't really in the mood for party's the last few days. Laura said she would stay with me, but I knew she really wanted to go so eventually I convinced her that I was fine on my own. I mean, I slept good the past few nights and everyone is nearby, so it wouldn't be a big deal, right? Laura and Zach went to the 'partycabin' with the others. Jack stayed at his, because he wasn't really feeling well and his back hurt. I think because of when we fell out of the tree. He landed immediately on the ground and I basically fell on top of him. I went to sleep early and thought again, while I laid down in my bed. Looking up at the ceiling. I know what I want. I'm not going to doubt it anymore and stop thinking about it. This feels right, so I'm going to go with the decision I just made. I'll tell Jack tomorrow. I hope he deals it well, but that's something to worry about for tomorrow. I mentally sighed and after finally having peace in my head, I fell asleep.
Gasping for air, that's how I woke up. Tears rolling down my face, breathing heavily. 3.06 AM. Laura wasn't next to me, I think she's sleeping at the 'party'. There was no one in my cabin or was there? HE wasn't here, was he? It was a nightmare, right? I couldn't move. I held my breath, I was so scared that I didn't wanted to make a sound. I need to get out of here. But I can't move. And where do I have to go? Everyone's at the party and that's on the opposite of the park. That cabin is really far from mine. I didn't want to be alone outside in the dark. But I couldn't stay here alone either, I need to leave. I tried to think clearly. I could only think of one person to go to who was close. I didn't even care about how the situation between us was right now, I just needed someone by my side. I didn't feel safe alone. Standing up way too fast caused me to get dizzy, even more than I already was. I stumbled out of the cabin and ran as fast as I could. My lungs squeezed together, I couldn't suck in any air anymore. I tried to keep my balance and leaned against the wall for support. I was breathing heavily with tears running down my face. I couldn't see clear anymore and slid down the wall while I knocked on the door with all the energy I had left.

*Jacks P. O. V*
A loud thud startled me and I woke up. I heard soft, but powerful knocks on my door. Wait what? Was this at my door? Was it an animal or a person? It was 3.11 AM. Then I heard someone trying to catch their breath while hysterically crying. The knocking stopped and I quickly got out of bed. I opened the door and I felt the cold night air hit my bare chest. I was only wearing joggers. No one was there tho. I looked down. Right next to the door, against the wall, sat a girl. She was the one that was crying and had been knocking. I immediately recognized her contours in the dark night as Y/ns.

*Y/Ns P. O. V*
I was shaking. Of fear and because I was cold. I was only wearing Jacks sweater and it was nighttime so the temperature decreased. The door opened.
Ja: "Y/n?!"
I felt him kneel down next to me. His warm arms wrapped around me.
Ja: "What happened? Are you alright?"
I didn't answer, I couldn't say anything.
Ja: "You're freezing, let's go inside."
He picked me up and set me on the bed. I zoned out a bit and started hyperventilating, I closed my eyes and I'm pretty sure I was having a panic attack by now.
Ja: "Oh no"
I was sweating, shaking, really dizzy and felt like I was going to suffocate. My breathing was going crazy and I didn't have control over myself anymore.
Ja: "Shit. Is this a panic attack?"
He said to himself. He didn't really know what to do. I didn't either, I never had a real panic attack like this.
Ja: "Okay what did Zach tell me about this? Think Jack, think"
Jack sat down next to me and lifted me on his lap. Then rubbed my back and kissed my head. He leaned me against his chest and wiped my tears.
Ja: "Y/n? Do you hear me? Here, hold my hand"
I felt his hand slip in mine and I squeezed it thight, maybe too thight.
Y/N: "I don't- A-air"
I had the feeling I was going to choke or something, I didn't get any air in my lungs.
Ja: "Okay, listen to me. Everything is alright. You're not going to die, this is not dangerous. You're having a panic attack and it doesn't last long. You just need to calm down, we'll do it together. Breathe in, breathe out. I'll do it with you. Ready?"
I tried to take deep breaths.
Ja: "Do you feel when I'm breathing? Try to match that"
He grabbed my cold hand, placed it on his warm chest and held his hand on top of it. I felt his chest move up and down and tried to keep that pattern as a leader for my own breathing. At the same time I could feel his heartbeat. I don't know why, but it felt good to feel that, it calmed me down.
Ja: "Good job, you're doing good. Keep going"
After a few minutes I started to breathe more normal again, but I was still feeling bad. I hope this attack is over quick, because I can't do this any longer.

To be continued...

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