The Crew's Book of Hermitcraft Season Six Oneshots

The Bad Guy

The actual chapter for today: another take on 'April Fools Chapter'.

Ren was chilling in the Fairy Pirate Grotto Cave Base Of Awesomeness, Glitter and Doom, when he head the faint splash of a boat on water. False was coming down the waterfall.

"Hey Falsie!"

"Hey Ren!" Her voice confirmed that it was, in fact, the blonde queen of PvP. "I'm kinda busy right now, so get it over with."

"What?"

"The prank. What, don't tell me you're not going to prank me. Everyone has, and I'm kinda tired of it." A hint of annoyance was building in her voice.

"No, no, Falsie. There has been no prankage on the part of the Ren Diggity Dog today." False just raised an eyebrow at this assertion. "In fact, why don't you show me what you've been working on up in here?"

At this point, False just lost her cool. "I'm FINE, okay? I don't need you playing therapist!"

Ren just looked confused. "So you... Don't want to show me what you've been working on here?"

False burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, tears forming in her blue eyes. She then regained her well-trained composure, declaring: "Let me put this in a way that you can understand, you idiot."

"I'm not the damsel in distress,"

"Never said you were, Falsie."

"I'm not your girlfriend or the frightened princess,"

False was slowly approaching, drawing her sword in time with the song.

"I'm not a little bird that needs your help to fly, 

Nope! I'm the bad guy. 

All these former hermits that you see,"

A piston door opened, revealing the Architechs And ConCorp tied up within. They were gagged and couldn't speak, but their eyes pleaded for help.

"Each of them, with shaking knees, has knelt before me"

Ren rushed over to help them out, but was intercepted by a sword: False's. She grabbed Scar's hat off his head, putting it on her own like a crown.

"No, I'm not your teammate or your partner in crime... 

What am I boys?"

False asked the gagged hermits, pulling off Iskall's so he could answer briefly. He replied, voice downtrodden with defeat:

"She's the bad guy"

"Oh it's magic! 

To watch each hermit, slowly start to die. Oh, it's thrillin' to be a villain!

 I destroy your hopes and then I watch you cry. 

'CAUSE I'M THE BAD GUY!"

"Yeah, I'm gonna stop you there, Falsie. That was fun, good one."

Everyone paused, then burst into a fit of laughter. The 'tied up' hermits then revealed that they were tied by fake knots, easily undoing themselves. As they pulled off their gags, Iskall asked:

"My dude, how did you guess I was faking it?"

"You'd put up more of a fight, knowing you." Ren admitted.

"Right, yes, of course." Iskall glanced nervously at the mischievous grins of the two Vex as Scar put his hat back on. "Well, I'll be seeing you!"

With that, Iskall scarpered, followed by Grian. Mumbo struggled to take off, escaping just in time, while the ConVex followed in hot pursuit, brandishing flames and crystals. False waved goodbye to Ren, walking off to her base, leaving Ren to his own devices. He was going to get them back so bad next year!

Only 536 words? Shock! Horror!

Happy April Fools Day, y'all.

This has been Pi, and I'll see you all at some point in the future!