The Boy Who Peeked Through My Fence - Tom Holland Fanfic

Part 44- Getting tired

Come to think of it now, Tom broke his promise. He pinky promised me that he'd never forget to tell me about another movie again but ever since we split, I haven't heard about a single movie from him. Of course I hear it from Harry and Sam-when they feel like telling me-but not Tom. Just another small little thing that meant so much that's gone now. I hate that I dwell on this so much but he literally was my life. My pride and joy. My parents have stopped asking now. They'll ask occasionally if I'm ok, but they know how much the split impacted me (impacts me). Haz feels awful all the time. He was working with Tom but now he's doing his own thing, making videos and modeling. I love how far my brother has come. Not to mention how proud I am of Tom. He got the role he's always wanted-Spider-Man. Civil War came out about a year after our break up and it was a struggle to watch but a good struggle. I was so happy that the man I had loved finally got the role he'd been wanting his entire life, but sad that I wasn't there to be able to support him through it, to be excited with him. I cried in the movie theatre, weeping like an abandoned child. I remember coming home and writing in my journal. I'm on my fifth journal and I still write in them everyday.

When I get around to it, I'll open up some of my first journals and smile at the words written on the page. The times where I was happy, hopelessly romantic, and confused but it was totally worth the confusion. My fourth journal pretty much has the breakup in it. How much I hated the fact that he was with her. How tired I was of crying. How I would never love again. I don't read the fourth journal very much. It was a very dark time in my life and I try to avoid it as much as possible. "Just a little bump in the road of life" my mother always tries to put it. She doesn't know that the bump feels more like Mt. Everest. Teetering at the top, will I fall back down into despair or will I soar down to a new life. My guess-I'll just keep teetering on for the rest of time. I just kind of wish someone would push me. Just push me, either side just do it. I get tired of never knowing how I'm going to feel. I get tired of the fact that the only person that ever made the sadness go away was the one that "caused" it. (Or so I thought). I get tired of the fact that everyone feels bad for me, including myself. I get tired of the fact that my windows always shut and I'm not at that fence with the man of my dreams on the other side. I get tired of the fact that he loves her now, not me. Not me.

I walked into my house to my mother making dinner and my father helping make dessert. "How's your summer been Nova, spending lots of time at the Holland house I see" my dad said as I entered the kitchen. "It's going good" I said as my face turns red. "Well just remember you have that camping trip next week" dad said. "Camping trip" I say puzzled. "Wow Nova, you forgot all about the writers camp we paid so much money for because you wanted to go" my mother peeped in. As soon as she said that I remembered. My schools writing club talked about a camping trip this summer to a near by state park that we could go to in order to get some good tips on writing. I told my parents I wanted to go and they agreed because they knew how much I wanted to be a writer. "Oh my gosh, I'm not gonna lie I did forget until now. I've been so occupied at the Holland house that I forgot and I'm sorry. I hope that me forgetting didn't cause anything." I say politely trying to win them over again. "Well now you know and don't forget again. You might want to start packing soon because you leave in a couple days." Mom said with a smirk, a smirk letting me know I wasn't in trouble. "Yes ma'am" I say and run up stairs to start packing.