Lost Innocence

Chapter Twenty One

POV Joe

I woke up one morning knowing full well this was day I was going to the prison today. Spending my whole life with Paul and his siblings caused me to become very close with Steven and Emily. Emily was another person who was very important to me. For some reason she was in my mind. When we were little we had secret crushes on each other that we eventually found out about years later. It was cute, we were little kids thinking we were in love. Emily was very special to me as was Christine and everyone else on my life. They are the only family I have every known. When we were younger Emily had given me a necklace with an arrowhead on it. I was really into archery when I was a teenager and I was pretty good. I never took it off and I clutched it in this moment when I needed strength. I tried to think of everything good in my life to keep me calm and collected. My mother being alive and knowing my father was out there made my blood boil. How could they just abandon me like that and leave me with the shittiest people for that matter. I picked up the phone and ordered breakfast through room service. I had so many emotions that I was feeling lightheaded so decided to eat before leaving. I ordered bacon with scrambled eggs and orange juice. I wanted food but didn't want to overeat. It wouldn't be pleasant if I went to see my mother on an empty stomach. 

As I started processing everything that was about to happen I was startled by a knock. It was room service. I opened the door and they brought in my food. I ate and watched some TV. It calmed my nerves for a little bit. Usually when I eat, I eat fast. This time I took my time, it wasn't much food but my hands were very shaky and I was beyond nervous. Why the fuck was I so worried? I've seen her before, maybe I was dreading someone telling me she was dead. A part of me wondered if my father knew about the riot, or even if my mom was in prison. Did he even care? Did he hear about the riot? Does he know what happen to my mother? Fuck him, he didn't care enough to stick around. If I ever met my father I already know it wouldn't be a happy reunion. Would I even recognize him? I didn't know who he was or what he even looked like. If my mom was still alive after this riot, I might ask her. I want to confront my father and ask him why the fuck he left me. Both of them still owed me answers. I couldn't accept my mothers answer and wanted a real fucking reason and I was determined to get it. How can he leave his own kid, and her for that matter. While I ate I kept doubting this decision. I wondered if this was even worth it. Should I do this? Is this the right move? What could go wrong? What could go right? Questions were being thrown into my mind like bricks and I felt like I was going crazy. The only thing I had of my father was a picture. I didn't even know his name. Just his last name...Rodriguez but there are millions of people with this last name so finding out who he was would be nearly impossible without the help of my mother. 
"Damn it Mom!" Did I just call her mom? Why did I do that? Fuck it. I grabbed my wallet and looked at the picture of my parents. I had the dark curly hair from my father but had my mother's eyes and other facial features. I was tall and thin like my father and had his smile. At least he gave me devilishly handsome smile. I had to make some light of the situation and I did that with my humor. I wondered what my life would have been like if they didn't abandon me. Big mistake. It made me hate them even more for not giving me a life I deserved. With my own fucking parents. I closed my eyes and remembered a conversation i had with Emily.

(Flashback) 

I was just about to walk out the door with my suitcase until I felt a hand grab my arm. It was Emily. I could see the confusion in her face and it hurt. There was also sadness and this is exactly what I wanted to avoid from her and Christine. I couldn't bear to hurt them. 
"What's going on? Are you leaving? Where are you going?" 
"Em, slow down...I have to go back to Nevada. My mother's prison had a riot and around one hundred inmates were killed, I need to see if my mom was one of those." 
"How long will you be gone?" Emily said with tears.
"I don't know, but you'll be okay and so will I. Take care of yourself and Christine, I'll try to be back soon." I said as I kissed her forehead and walked out the door.