Attention » [H.S]

Part 47

October

I climb out of bed once again, walking into the bathroom to freshen up.

I brushed my teeth and had a quick shower before pulling my hear up into a bun.

Since that night at the theatre, my heart has been so broken, and I just don't even understand where to start in order to make it better.

I haven't spoken to Harry in the last two months.

I've been to the company for classes, but besides that, I haven't really left my house. I can't, all I do is sit at home on my window couch and just stare over the London view.

Sometimes I don't know what to do other than dance, so I just play music, and try to sort through my emotions, one way or another through the music.

Sydney has tried to get me to go out, but I just haven't had it in me.

I take a deep breath looking up at myself in the mirror. It looks like there's no actual life in my eyes, nothing. There are rings under my eyes from the lack of sleep, or maybe even sleeping so much ay this point that I've become tired of sleeping.

What is wrong with me.

Get a hold of yourself Arabella.
It's your own fault.

I shake my head, pushing myself away from the counter, grabbing a coat before walking out my apartment. I lock the door behind me, deciding that I really need to get out of my house.

I'm now walking through the streets of London by myself, with my hands in my pocket. I walk down and up streets, looking at shops and admiring the city.

I must have gotten so caught up in the city that hours had passed. I decided to walk towards a cafe at the end of the street I was on to grab something to drink.

I sat down in the corner of the cafe enjoying my hot chocolate when my phone rings.

"Hey kiddo." The familiar voice rings through the phone, making all hope inside me dwindle away.

"Hey Shawn." I say soflty in reply.

"How're you feeling kiddo?" He asks, making me seal my lips and pull them into my mouth as the lump in my throat grows. "I'm taking that as not good." He continues as I just hum softly in response.

I feel the tears slowly run down my cheeks, quickly wiping them away, receiving stares from people, some of pity, others of judgement and confusion.

"Can y-ou -ca-ll lat-er?" I ask him softly, trying to calm my emotions down.

"Kiddo, it'll all work out in the end. I miss you. Chat later." He says and hangs up after I responded with a soft I miss you too.

I pay the bill needing to get fresh air before walking to one of the places Harry took me when he was here.

This really doesn't help me get my mind off of him but needless to say that I don't want to. It's my fault he's not speaking to me. It's my fault we're not together.

It's not for me to say that he's not at home in a much worse state over this than me, or that it's a problem if he's over me already. As much as I'd never wish anything bad on Harry, I'm hoping it's the former, because I really don't know how to live without him.

I look around the streets, following the pathway that leads to the sight of the benches with the overview of London.

As I walk down the pathway, it makes me wish I could go back in time to this exact moment with Harry or back in time to when I was stupid enough to let this thing with Johnathan happen at all.

Johnathan and I are not as close anymore, he's tried a lot but I just can't let him as he tried to ruin my relationship with Harry to get what he wants, and I'm not blaming him for this whole thing, I've taken my responsibility.

But I can't bring myself to just be around him, when he easily took advantage of me, and my vulnerable emotional state of the show being over and not seeing Harry and my family in so long.

I reach the benches and sit down, crossing my legs underneath myself, as I stare in-front of me at city skyline. I admire the city from afar, seeing how alive and buzzing it is constantly, despite the weather.

I get caught up in the lights, the people who are all so different, in a way that everyone fits in a belongs.
I feel my heart relax for a moment, as I take in the calm aura of the city.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" A voice says breaking me out of my thoughts, as I look at the gate in front of me.

My gaze pulled out of my own world, meeting his emerald green eyes which have always been so enchanting.

I stare ahead of me in complete disbelief. I sat dead still, thinking that if I move, he's going to disappear.

Is it my mind imagining things?

"Nope, I'm right here." His voice said.

"I just said that out loud." I say stupidly, making me look like I don't know what I'm saying.

"You did." He chuckles, the sound filling my entire body with energy. The tears are now heavily streaming down my face compared to earlier as I stand up quickly, after sitting down for almost three hours.

I try to run forward, but with the blood rushing through my body, I became dizzy and lost my balance, causing me to shut my eyes, waiting to hit the ground, which never happened.

"You know love." He says lowly, making me open my eyes to see him holding me in his arms, stopping me from hitting the ground. "You really need to be more careful." He says, bringing up the last time this happened.

I wrap my arms around him, pulling him to the closer to me, as I cry into his chest.

"Well this is not how I pictured this." He says chuckling, while I lean up to kiss him. "Baby people are staring." He mumbles just after I pull away. "This is going to be all over social media."

"I don't care." I say before connecting our lips together again, missing the feeling immensely. We pulls back both out of breath, as he leans his forehead against mine.

"You know, I'm starting to think you do love the attention." He says lowly making me chuckle and smile at him.

"Maybe you're right, but the only attention I want is yours."