Beatles Oneshots

(Fat Beatles) Trouble On the Range (Part 2)

"Holy moly... how're we gonna live here?" Ringo wondered aloud.

"Is there even a place to clean up?" Paul whined. "I'm feeling all icky here!"

They have just seen the interior of the cabin. It was a wooden cabin with 2 huge beds, a gigantic kitchen, a medium sized bathroom, a music room and a lounge; it's exterior had 4 rocking chairs along with an alfresco dining table right next to the chuck wagon; this cabin was within a large ranch full of cattle and horses and with a lake nearby. John and George, who have done a little exploring, called out: 

"I guess there's this wooden bathtub or the lake just outside, plus the chuck wagon's not too far off..."

"Also look at all the clothes left here!" Ringo exclaimed. "Is this cowboy attire? If so, it's nothing like England's clothes.."

"I guess it's good that's spare clothes for us aside from the stuff we have in our luggage, and we've gotta wash our own clothes right?" Paul asked, pointing to the wooden basin with the brass washing board.

"I'm just glad that there's a little music we can make around here..." George pointed out as his eyes landed on the guitar, harmonica, banjo, fiddle, washboard and the mandolin lying around in the music room.

John rallied up the rest of the Beatles, hollering: "Let's get moving lads! I guess this holiday, the cowboy life chose US!" And so the Beatles started by taking their baths in pairs, either in the bathtub or in the lake; it was nothing like they've experienced before.

"Ooh, how did the cowboys before us tolerate the cold water?!" Paul complained as John dumped a bucket of water over his head. 

"It's called being tough Paulie!" John sassed as he slathered soap all over his body. "You've complained more than any of us all trip, so I suggest you suck it up and deal with the cowboy life for now!" 

"Yeah, let's just deal with this hey?" Paul relented as he and John quickly had their bath and got some cowboy gear on; Paul was soon in a white shirt with a red vest,  a yellow cowboy hat, blue cowboy jeans and dark brown boots whereas John was dashing in his black shirt, green bandana, tan cowboy hat, blue cowboy jeans and beige boots.

Meanwhile, George and Ringo were having their bath in the lake, unsure of why the cowboys back then did such a thing.

"Didn't the cowboys back then fear crocodiles or snakes or anything?" Ringo expressed, looking around to make sure that there weren't any dangerous creatures around.

"I'm sure they were but they sucked it up and went about with their lives this way," George answered, wrapping a towel around his body. "Let's come out and check out the stuff in the cowboy's wardrobe, and see what fits!" And so the other 2 lads headed into the cabin where they saw John and Paul already dressed up in their cowboy gear, smirking at them.

"What's so funny?" George and Ringo asked, both searching in the wardrobe for anything to wear. To their surprise, they found the wardrobe empty, and they couldn't find their luggages anywhere. They searched the entire cabin, to the extent where they tripped on each other, causing them both to drop their towels. At this, John and Paul were guffawing at their mates' bad luck in finding their clothes, taking out all the cowboy clothes AND the luggage that they hid behind the beds.

"You should've seen your faces!" John said in between laughter. 

"The moment you two dropped your towels was priceless!!" Paul cackled alongside John.

George and Ringo, rolling their eyes at the other 2 jokers, grabbed at the cowboy clothes, as that was the closest bit of clothes they had. And so they dressed up in the clothes; George stunned in a red shirt, a blue cowboy hat, blue cowboy jeans and black boots while Ringo was in an olive green shirt with a white blouse, a white cowboy hat, blue cowboy jeans and light brown boots.

"We look SO cool don't we?" Paul marveled at all the cowboy outfits they wore. "I would love to bring all this home to Liverpool!"

"Yeah, lets!" John cheered.

"Enough with the clothes stuff, I'm hungry! What's in the chuck wagon?" George grumbled, already hungry.

And so they headed to the chuck wagon, and upon inspection, they found various recipes for different foods, including the cowboy staple- biscuits and beans. George's eyes lit up for a minute at the mere thought of biscuits, but upon further reading of the recipe, he got rather confused.

"Buttermilk biscuits? They're nothing like the biscuits I'd eat.."

"Surely it's the American style of biscuits, the kind we eat back in Liverpool is called 'cookies' over here if I remember correctly." Paul and John explained.

"Yeah, let's get cracking! I wanna try authentic American cowboy food!" Ringo and George exclaimed. And so they looked at the various supplies in the chuck wagon for the biscuits and beans in order to cook a meal; Ringo was responsible for mixing the biscuit ingredients together, Paul was responsible for preparing mash potatoes to accompany the biscuits and beans, George was responsible for baking the biscuits while John was responsible for boiling the beans over the fire. And when the meal was ready, they all tucked in to their first Wild West meal. They all enjoyed it, especially George, who agreed that the biscuits were as good, if not better, than the British biscuits he'd eat.

"Hmmm, this is DELICIOUS!" George said happily. "GIMME SOME OF THOSE BISCUITS!!" he yelled, trying to steal some of the other lads' biscuits.

"Whoa, calm down there Georgie! We've got a few weeks to savour this Wild West lifestyle!" John said, barely holding back a chuckle.

Once they finished eating, they decided to play some classic cowboy songs on the guitar and harmonica. They started with the classic  "Home On The Range", with John on the harmonica, George on the guitar/backing vocals, Ringo on the washboard and Paul on lead vocals. The song was sung in an attempt of the Texan cowboy accent, which went like this:

"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam,

Where the deer and the antelope play;

There seldom is heard a discouraging word,

And the skies are not cloudy all day!"

In between giggles from John in harmonica breaks, they soon were singing at the top of their lungs in the desert plains:

"Home, home on the range,

Where the deer and the antelope play;

There seldom is heard a discouraging word,

And the skies are not cloudy all day!!!"

When the song was done, they were soon all taking the mickey out of each other for their terrible American accents and how Paul's voice cracked.

"Oh my gosh, did you guys hear that Texan accent?" John laughed.

"Yeah, and Paul's voice cracked when we sang the chorus!!" Ringo joined in, laughing.

"Aw shucks! It was a good song though." Paul chucked. "Should we sing another one?"

"Nah, I think we've sung enough for the day, should we get a drink? The driver said something about rum.."

And so the Beatle cowboys all had their rum, and were soon laughing drunkenly while enjoying their Western life.