Beatles Oneshots

(Fat Beatles) Trouble On the Range (Part 3)

This lifestyle went on for the Beatle cowboys for almost a month, and by the time they have all significantly fattened up and grown really long beards, they have emptied out the food in the chuck wagon, and the only things that could withstand their weight was the cowboy outfits that were specifically designed for obese cowboys. Where laundry was concerned, Ringo was allocated with the washing of clothes, leading to heaps of complaining, laundry sessions often went like this:

"Why ME of all people for the laundry?" And with each complaint, John would throw a piece of stinky laundry over his head, leading to lots of laughs from everyone else. 

In addition to that, the only things they had left for consumption were the rum, leading to various drunken singing of Western music; for example, they tried to sing The Yellow Rose of Texas while in one of their drunken spells, which went about like this:

"There's a yellow girrrrrl in Texasssss, 

That I'm going to seeeeeeeeeeeeeee,

No other darkiiiieees  know herrr,

No darkeeeey.... only Meeeee;

She cried so when I left herrr,

That it like to broke my heaaaaarttt,

And if I onlyyyy find herrrr,

We neverrrr morrrreee will paarrrrtttt!!"

However, eventually the fat Beatle cowboys began to get really hungry, and they weren't so sure how they would go about with what to do to kill time while waiting for the driver. They have been riding some of the horses before throughout that month, but over time, their overwhelming fatness proved far too difficult to ride without squashing the horses. It was somewhere then in which Paul remembered what the driver said about hunting in the scenario of them emptying out the chuck wagon.

"Hey guys, didn't that driver say something about hunting if we end up eating everything the chuck wagon has?"

"Yeah, but now we can only cross our fingers and hope something comes to us and we're ready for it. Also the driver said something about instinct and alertness, right?" George chimed in.

"You're right.. Is that a wild chicken I see there?! Someone get ready!" John exclaimed upon spotting the wild chicken.

"I see it too.. hey! I also see a giant buffalo!" Ringo squealed with excitement. "What's our game plan lads?"

"I guess we do it the way animals do in the wild, we stalk from a distance then pounce!" John whispered. And so they did. Ringo was to wait for whatever bounty that the others brought in, and he'd cook the meals out of whatever they had hunted.

Paul got ready to hunt that wild chicken; he hid behind a large bush where the chicken wasn't too far off, and when he was certain that the chicken was off guard, he bounced from behind the bush towards the chicken, the chicken tried to escape, but to no avail- the weight of a very obese cowboy Paul overpowered and killed the chicken.

Meanwhile, John and George decided that they'd both stalk the wild buffalo together, since it was a very large animal, and it would probably need 2 people to hunt it and take it back to the cabin and chuck wagon. So like Paul, they decided to hide behind a bush where the buffalo was close by; after waiting for a few minutes and deciding that the buffalo was unaware of their existence, they pounced on it from behind the bush. This hunt wasn't as straight forward as with the wild chicken, as the buffalo struggled against John and George, but with George on its back and John manipulating its horns with his obese hands, one of the horns turned and ended up piercing its heart, killing it.

And so John, George and Paul brought in the fruits of their unorthodox hunting skills to Ringo, who proceeded to prepare meat on the grill as their meal for the day. He decided to roast the wild chicken over an open fire while preparing the buffalo meat as steak tartare, all of which was seasoned with wild herbs he found while waiting for the other 3 to hunt. It turns out that the wild meat was actually much more delicious than expected, Paul and George particularly enjoyed the meal after having been starved for days.

"This wild chicken is amazing! Nothing like the schnitzels we've ever had!" Paul exclaimed.

"I can't get enough of this tartare!" George gushed. "And interesting seasoning too!"

"Yeah, the seasoning is nothing like what we have with any of our other meals! Ringo, what seasoning did you use for these dishes?" John inquired.

"Well, I found some wild cedar, which I crushed into a powder to season the meat, it has an earthy taste to it, no?"

"Yup, got that right."

"I can barely believe we didn't need our luggage that much this trip!" Paul exclaimed. "The cowboy life is a minimalist one, and I mean it in the best way!"

"Yeah! The simple life is infinitely better than the tacky life hey?" Ringo echoed Paul's sentiments.

"Right now, I really don't mind living here a little longer!" George quipped.

"But I'm sure we can do this again right?" John asked. 

The Beatles looked at him strangely.

"Um, the driver will probably be here soon right, y'know, with the horse-drawn carriage?" At that exact moment, there was a knock on the door. When Ringo answered it, he saw the driver, now in a much more stable position, and there was a horse drawn carriage waiting for them outside, this time with 2 gorgeous golden Palomino horses and a much larger wooden carriage.

"Alright lads, you ready to go?"

"If you could please give us 5 minutes, we're having a bit of a meal then we'll pack up and go," Paul explained. "Want some buffalo steak tartare?"

"Nah, I'm good, I've got a sensitive stomach," the driver politely declined. "I see you guys had to do a bit of hunting."

"Yup! We loved it! Nothing like hunting your own food!" George chirped.

After the fat Beatle cowboys finished eating, they packed up their luggage, and managed to pack into their luggage some of the cowboy gear they wore before they got fat, John also took with him the washboard that was used in their cowboy singing sessions. After all that was done, they all bade farewell to the humble little cabin and ranch that has been a little home for them, and soon began the long journey back to the airport in Dallas, Texas to fly home to Liverpool.

After a day of traveling by horse-drawn carriage, the Beatles got into the men's room, shaved off the hillbilly beards and brought all their stuff for the next flight to Liverpool. This trip to Texas proved to be an amazing one for them, one they would never forget for a long time.

And that's it for the Wild West story! If any of you guys noticed, I'm experimenting on a little go around the world thing for the Beatles in both reincarnations (Fat Beatles OR Beatlettes) for any of the oneshots, if you want to see the Beatles of whichever reincarnation go on a particular adventure, please feel free to give me a message with your request! Also, if you're still interested to know about how my Wild West fascination nearly coincided with the high school prom, also please feel free to give me a message to ask me about it! Till then, much love xx