Beatles Oneshots

(Fat Beatles) Sumos, Sensei Dragons and A Samurai

Huge shout out to @GorgingGeorge  for this idea, be sure to check out her amazing stories :)

Yoko -> Yokushi Ono (it'll make sense in the climax)

It was a fine day in Osaka, Japan. The Beatles have decided to visit Japan after having completed their tour earlier than expected. They were mainly attracted by the delicious sushi that was being sold there, John in particular really liked the idea of trying raw fish with rice for the first time.

"Raw fish? Not something we've had before.." George stated, puzzled.

"Who knows? It could be delicious!" John argued.

They entered a renowned sushi restaurant Sushi Monji, of which the lounge had various interesting statues and dragon statues. The Beatles decided to take their orders before the sushi chefs.

"I'd have the teriyaki chicken rolls please!" Paul quipped, happy to go with the classics.

"Surely you can be more adventurous than that Paulie!" George sassed. "I'll take the spicy sashimi scallops please!"

"Oh please! Scallops are nothing!" Ringo teased. "I'll have a sesame crusted tataki tuna please!"

"I'd take the salmon sashimi please!" John ordered. "And please fill it with LOTS and LOTS if wasabi!"

The sushi chefs quickly prepared them their meals, and the Beatles decided to have their sushi in the lounge room. But for some odd reason, as John was slathering his wasabi all over his salmon, one of the dragon statues began to enlarge and glow in a very bright light that engulfed the Beatles and dragged them into the statue!

"EEEK! What's happening?!" Paul shrieked, clinging onto an equally terrified George.

"Don't look at me!! This is as scary for you as it is for MEEEEE!!" Ringo screamed, hanging on to John. In that moment, the Beatles were in a weird neon-pink light, crying for their lives as they were sucked into a vortex of the unknown, their fear got so bad that they passed out mid-air.

By the time they regained consciousness, they were in an enormous wooden dojo. And when they looked down, they found that they themselves have been inflated to sumo wrestler level fatness. This really freaked Paul out, as he had ordered the lightest meal with the least calories.

"*shrieks* HOW DID I END UP THIS FAT?? I DIDN'T EVEN EAT THAT MUCH!!" Paul screamed.

"I hear sumo wrestlers were like this," George reasoned. "Plus, it's fun fondling all this blubber!"

"Just imagine, getting to sleep for large portions of the day..." Ringo mused, much to John's delight.

"Hey, maybe being a sumo wrestler ain't so bad after all!" John and Paul babbled. 

The Sumo Beatles were just rambling about their newfound sumo status when their chatter was interrupted by an obese black and white sensei dragon.

"Enough chatter lads! Time for a training session!" 

The Beatles turned around to face their unusual sensei. "I see you guys have encountered an iconic symbol of the art of sumo. In this form of art we take our men very seriously. Which means, we always ensure than every match end with a sign of respect to the opponent of every fight. Do I make myself clear?"

"Um, why us, of all people? We aren't Japanese.." Paul queried. 

"Because you exhibited a sense of comradeship, which is something sorely lacking with many of our wrestlers today, and this kind of comradeship would prove useful to defeat a dangerous threat in the near future. Now let's get to training to prepare for your battle." 

The Sumo Beatles trained diligently under the dragon sensei, who remarked on their exceptional ability to adapt with their circumstances and their comaderie in helping each other with the training. Along the way came some other dragon senseis which gave passing guidance to them every time one of them makes any form of mistakes in their training. After some hours of training, the sensei finally told them what threat they were facing.

"Well done recruits. You are now ready to face the greatest threat to sumo yet!"

"What threat? Some evil magic?" Ringo asked, curious.

"No, but rather, someone who is an utter disgrace to the samurais and Japan!"

"Tell us more.." George pleaded.

"This samurai Yokushi Ono has been caught doing underground criminal work, he has been caught accepting bribes to kill innocent people, and as of today, much of his body count are former sumo wrestlers, which explain why the dojo is often empty."

"That nasty!" John exclaimed, disgusted. "Where is he now?"

"He's in the pagoda of the cherry blossoms, which is not far from here," the sensei replied. "His main weakness is having to deal with multiple enemies at once, so I believe with all of you there, he'll be easily defeated. Good luck!" And with that, the Sumo Beatles bounced their way in the streets of Osaka to the cherry blossom pagoda.

At the pagoda, the Sumo Beatles encountered Yokushi, who have been tampering with the blood of yet another former sumo wrestler. Initially squeamish by the sight of blood, Ringo passed out for a minute. 

"Hey you! Ono! What kind of sick bastard are you, killing innocent people like this when you should be protecting the people!" John exclaimed with a rage.

Not even looking John in the eye, Yokushi stared down the Sumo Beatles' fat bodies, thinking: "Now I can wipe out the sumo population for good! For free!!" With that, he charged towards the Sumo Beatles, katana in hand. However, the Beatles successfully employed their sumo training in overpowering Yokushi; George leapt  right onto his hand and somehow managed to snap the blade right of the katana with little effort, John and Paul rammed straight into Yokushi and sent him flying across the pagoda, rendering him unconscious after he crashed straight into the urn niches, covering his airways with stray ashes and brick debris.

"Holy cow! I never thought that we could defeat a corrupt samurai with so little effort!" George exclaimed.

"Yeah, at least now Japan's name is restored." John mused.

In that moment, the dragon sensei appeared before them in a magical way. "Thank you Sumo Beatles, for your efforts in protecting Japan's name, away from Yokushi's corruption. You are welcome to come back to our dojo anytime." And with that, the Beatles were once again engulfed in a light to return to reality, just as the dragon sensei was beginning to fade. It wasn't very long before the Beatles found themselves back to normal size, in that sushi joint.

"Oh man, that adventure was WILD!" Ringo exclaimed.

"Yeah, I never thought I could render a katana blade useless!" George chimed in.

"Ah well, today was great, who knows what's in store for us next!" And they all laughed over their sushi meals, very happy by how the little Sumo Japanese adventure went for them that day.

Which incarnation of the Beatles would you like to see in the next around the world adventure? Please give me a message to let me know! Till then, much love xx