winchester brothers imagines

d.w//anniversary

Dean's P.O.V

"Fuck." I grumble as the alarm on my bedside table begins to ring.

I hit it and fall back onto my pillows, staring at the ceiling. I try to mentally prepare myself for the day and pull myself out of bed, to get ready. I have been dreading this day. Today marks the one year anniversary of Y/N's death, and each month hasn't become easier for me and my brothers. We were high school sweethearts and she fell into hunting when she found out about my and Sam's secret lifestyle. Everything was amazing until a hunt for a Djinn went haywire. She was taken by the creature and she died. I blame myself every day for her death and no matter how many times Sam, Jack, Cas, or anyone else tells me it wasn't my fault, I can't get over thinking there was something I could have done. I jump in the shower and get dressed, already wanting to go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day away. 

"Hey." Sam says quietly as I walk into the kitchen.

"Hey." I respond, pouring myself a cup of coffee. 

There is a heavy silence in the air. Before she was gone, her sweet and gorgeous laughter would fill the bunker in the mornings. She was always a morning person and would wake up super early to fix all of us breakfast. I miss the way she would hug me and hang on me all day even though it pissed me off sometimes. Sam misses the way she would work on cases and research with him. Cas misses the late night talks she would have about life. Jack misses when she would teach him how to do things like make the bed, clean his bedroom, and many other simple tasks. Today is a day of heartache for us and we all have different ways of coping. I usually drink and sit in her room for the day while Sam, Cas and Jack talk about their favorite memories with her. I wasn't able to admit my feelings for her before she died. I loved her more than I have ever loved anyone and it haunts me every day that she will never know. 

"Hello? Earth to Dean?" Sam says, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Uh sorry." I says, coming out of my trance. 

"Do you have any plans for the day?" Sam says, trying to make conversation even though he already knows the answer. 

"Sam. Please." I says, closing my eyes. 

"Okay. Okay. Cas, Jack, and I will be in the library." He says, patting me on the shoulder and heading to the library. 

I sit at the table with my head in my hands until I gets the strength to get up and visit her. I get into the Impala and pick up some flowers before heading to where we buried her. I fly down the road, windows down and music blaring her favorite song, "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. I can see her belting out the song as the wind flies through her hair in the passenger seat next to me. I smile at the memory but my heart also aches. I never again will get to hear her sing or complain about how tangled her hair was from the open windows as she tried to brush it out. A single tear slips down my face but I quickly wipe it away and continue to drive. I arrive at the field where she was buried and I find her grave marker, kneeling down in front of it. 

"Hey Y/N." I say, playing with the flower stems in my hands. 

I pause to compose myself. 

"We miss you. A lot. Things aren't the same around here and they never will be. Hell Y/N I'm not the same without you. You were my other half and you didn't even know it. Every day I beat my self for not telling you how much I loved you sooner. Maybe things would have been different. You could have been mine." I says, my voice breaking. 

Tears start to fall down my face. 

"I love you Y/N. I love you, I love you. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I'm so sorry." I say, my chest heaving from sobbing. 

I have never felt this emptiness before. I feel like I have nothing left. I break down and cry. I cry so hard that my eyes burn and feel swollen, my throat burns, and my chest aches. I just want to hold her in my arms and smell her strawberry shampoo and the perfume that I loved so much. 

"A--All I want is to t--tell you I love y--you." I whimper. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around to find Sam standing behind me. 

"Come on. Say goodbye and lets go home." He whispers, tears of his own falling down his face. 

I nod and place the flowers down on top of her grave. 

"You were and always will be my soul mate Y/N. I love you, keep watching over us angel." I say, and kiss my fingers, then touch them to her grave marker.

I climb back in my car and follow Sammy home, listening to "Cherry Pie" on repeat.