SOPE | Lie

Lie Five : His words don't affect me

{Mention of Self Harm. The act of doing it. If this may trigger you in any way place skip when the ∆∆∆ sign appears.}

"HE SAID HE LIKED MY HAIR!" Jungkook gushed as he shook Taehyungs arm, Jimin chuckling at his dongsaeng, while Yoongi remained silent.

It was finally the end of the day, Yoongi now in a bad mood because of his sixth period and the certain someone he sits next to in that period. He couldn't get what Hoseok told him out of his head.

"Guys," Yoongi called out, the four were at a near by park, just hanging out.

"Yeah, Hyung?" Jimin inquired, his head on Taehyung's shoulder.

The two were an adorable couple, together since freshman year of high school. Their story was no where near the cliché movie scenes, but it was theirs and they loved it.

"Am I, wait no, do I look down on you because of your scars?" he asked, wanting to know his friends answers but at the same time he didn't want to know.

They all hesitated, each of them glancing at one another, "Why do you ask?" Jungkook asked instead, trying to avoid the question.

Yoongi groaned, knowing by that alone they didn't want to say the truth. They didn't want to tell Yoongi the truth but they also didn't want to lie since they didn't want a cut to form.

"So I do," he muttered, rubbing his temples as he did.

Taehyung asked him, "Why are you asking so suddenly? You never cared to ask before."

Yoongi gave Taehyung a small glare before telling them about what happened with Hoseok, and how he told Yoongi he was stuck up and didn't understand anything. How he looked down on people.

The three younger ones listened intently, surprised at how Jung Hoseok snapped at Min Yoongi. They all knew about Hoseok being bullied so they would have never expected that. Also, how he was always happy and chirpy despite what he went through.

Once Yoongi was finished, Jimin spoke, "Well, it's true Hyung. I still love you, we all do, but you judge others heavily for their scars. We don't blame you, but we wish you wouldn't express it so often."

"Like when you first met me, you treated me like an alien because of my scars. We understand that you think they're despicable and all that shit, but it hurts others," Taehyung confessed, glad to finally get this off his chest.

Yoongi just stared down at his hands, listening to what his friends had to say. Listening to them prove Hoseok right, prove that he was a stuck up bitch.

"But you guys don't think they are?" he interrupted, staring at them, "The cuts, scars, whatever they are, give people a first impression of who you are. If you have lots of them, isn't it safe to assume the person is a liar?"

"People lie for different reasons, they may not be significant lies," Jungkook retorted, "if you have an open mind then the scars won't get to you."

Yoongi just sighed, kicking the dirt underneath his shoe as he thought. He didn't want to be thinking about this, he didn't want to think this way of himself, because him thinking this way made him hate how he is.

Fucking Jung Hoseok.

<><><>

When Hoseok got home he went straight to his bedroom, making sure he shouted a quick hi to his mother before locking the door to his room.

Hoseok sat on his bed with his knees pressed up against his chest, the male leaning his forehead on his knees.

He couldn't stop thinking about how Yoongi called him gross, said he was a liar, when that midget didn't even know anything about him. He didn't want the words Yoongi spat at him bitterly to get to him.

But they did, his mind allowed them too affect him.

"I'm alright," Hoseok whispers to himself, feeling the pain of another cut forming on his body. Now his back, which would eventually become a scar. 

"His words don't affect me," he said to himself again, another cut forming on his arm. It was deeper than the one before.

The reason Hoseok had so many scars wasn't because he constantly lied to other people, it was because he constantly lied to himself.

He had lied to himself so many times that the scars were spread thoroughly through out his body in groups, some for different forms of the same lie. His parents didn't ask about his cuts, because they felt it wasn't their place and was their son's business. That he would come to them when he needed to. 

Hoseok knew he was lying to himself, his lies caused the pain of his cuts and the pain of his cuts distracted him from his mental and emotional pain.

∆∆∆

Once the pain of the cuts wasn't enough for him Hoseok grabbed a near by razor, he made sure it was sharp before he made light cuts on his arms. He didn't like the sight of blood so he didn't go deep enough to make himself bleed, just deep enough to leave marks that would soon scab over, deep enough for it to sting.

When he was satisfied he put the razor down, now just staring at his marked up thighs and arms.

∆∆∆

He hated himself.

a/n
If any of you said "me too" to when Hoseok said he hated himself, I want to tell you that you're amazing, you're beautiful, and someone loves you!! I love you!!
Please don't waste your time hating yourself when you're sometimes the only person you have, you're an amazing soul.