*Mainly* Joshler one shots

Window

tw- mentions of panic attacks

Josh tapped his foot in class as it was the end of the day. He was having one of his off days and he just wanted to go home and relax. The bell rang and Josh immediately took out his headphones. He plugged them into his phone and listening to his music that blared in his ears. People are leaving and the crowd in the hallway was dimming down a bit but not enough for Josh. He tried to ignore them and went to his locker and packed up.

Too many people. Josh started feeling anxious which was bad for him. He grabbed his penny board out of his locker and sort of sped-walked his way out of the building. He didn't want to interact with anyone at the moment so he ignored everyone and focused on getting home.

He weaved in and out of the crowd, getting out the doors and smelling fresh air for the first time in 7 hours. He dropped his penny board onto the sidewalk and went down the bump filled path. He breathed as evenly as possible, not wanting to have a panic attack right there. After about 2 songs on his playlist he got to his house. He fumbled his hand in the mesh pocket in his backpack and grabbed his key, grabbing the small blue board. Josh opened up the front door.

He had his bottom lip in between his teeth, playing with the bottom lip piercing he got with his sister, Ashley. He set down the board and backpack near the front door and went up the stairs, going by twos to get to his room quicker. He shoved the door open and closed it again quickly. He laid on his bed, his back against the cool sheets. His arms covered his face as he tried to space out but the anxious thoughts kept running through his head.

He grabbed his phone, changing the song to one called 'Window' by 'The Album Leaf'. He listened to the calm synth. He regulated his breathing somewhat. He knew his sister Abi was home, her school got out before his. He got up and knocked on her door.

"Yeah?" Her voice rang through her room.

"C-can I come in?" Josh asked. She opened her door and immediately knew he was feeling anxious. She sat him on her bed and sat in his lap. She let him hug her as tightly as he needed. This was once almost a routine since it was getting so bad. What she didn't expect was for her shoulder to feel wet, but she let him cry. His family knew how bad his anxiety got sometimes.

Abi felt her older brother gently grab at the back of her shirt to pay attention to something else. She played with his hair, knowing how much it calmed him. Josh leaned a bit heavier on Abi, relaxing into her grip. Her nails gently massaged his scalp as some tears still left his hazel eyes. He felt the soft fabric under his callused fingers from playing the drums in the basement.

He held onto her tighter, bringing her slightly closer. Abi didn't care if she had to sometimes help her older brother. She liked to take care of him. She hugged him back and laid her head on his broad shoulder. His breathing got evened out. His anxiety eventually left but he still held her tightly, not wanting this calm moment to end.

The synth song was still on, he had it repeating over and over. Abi could slightly hear it and it made her smile. She knew that song well by now and she knew how much Josh loved it. She gently moved her nails down his spine, seeing little goosebumps appear on his skin. He breathed in heavily and adjusted how he was sitting, moving Abi's hair from her shoulder so he didn't pull on it while laying his head down. He closed his eyes as he breathed in the artificial rose perfume his sister wore.

It always calmed him down. He listened to her breathing, slightly able to hear her heartbeat. Josh loved that his family cared so much for him, no matter the situation they were there for him. Tears started to flow from his eyes again.

"What's wrong?" Abi whispered in the quiet room. She knew the tears weren't from anxiety as he is in his normal state.

"You guys care for me no matter what, I don't get it. I-I'm always a mess a-nd so annoying to you guys a-and-" Josh sniffled and hugged Abi tighter.

"Of course Josh, we're family, that's what we do." She tells him.

"B-but I-I'm always annoying you guys with all my problems and I waste money for you guys to get me therapy and my m-meds-"

"We're not wasting money. It's not a waste, we're helping you with a problem that you can't control and that's fine Josh, we love you no matter what." She told him while moving her shoulder from Josh's  face to see him. She gently took Joshs face in her hands. "We love you, you know that right? Even when we argue we love you so much," She smiled at him. The younger wiped his tears off his cheeks. She looked at Joshs pink eyes and gently smiled at him.

"I love you guys so much," He sobbed out. Abi kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly once again. "I don't deserve you guys,"

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Josh sat down at the dinner table with a slightly pink face from washing away the tear marks. His eyes were still slightly puffy. Laura looked at her sons face. She knew what happened but didn't mention it and neither did the rest of the family. Jordan kept looking at him while they ate with a sort of sad smile. Josh ate silently while the others talked about their day.

After everyone ate Josh grabbed his pill bottle and took one, chugging it down with water.

"Mom, I'm gonna need a refill soon, I have about 5 left," Josh called out.

"Alright, I'll call the pharmacy." She responded. Jordan walked up to Josh and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Josh looked at him slightly confused but quickly understood. He brought his younger brother into a hug.

"Abi told me, we love you dummy," Jordan joked. Josh did a little chuckle before messing up Jordan's hair.

"I know, I love you too dumbass," Josh smirked.

"Josh!" Laura called out. The two brothers laughed a bit. Jordan held the older tightly, letting him relax. Laura smiled at the two, loving how they got along so well.

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Josh's knee bounced in the green room as Tyler was getting dressed. He tried to force himself to calm down. Tyler noticed Josh's anxiety but he knew he liked space during these moments.

Josh grabbed his phone, put his headphones in and played the song he played since he was 17. The song calmed him down slightly but not enough. His breathing started to get more rapid and he started to pace throughout the room.

The singer started to get worried about the drummer. Josh finally just broke and threw himself into Tyler and hugged him tightly. Tyler was in the middle of buttoning up his shirt but he stopped everything and held the other tightly.

Josh's legs shook a bit as he hugged Tyler tightly. He tried to calm his breathing as he unplugged a headphone and could listen to Tyler's calm heart beat.

Tyler lead Josh back to the couch, laying down and having Josh lay right next to him, throwing his leg over Tyler's waist and his arms around his torso. Josh laid his head on top of Tyler's chest to listen to the calm thuds of his heart.

He closed his eyes and focused on Tyler's stomach moving under his arm. He counted the amount of breathes Tyler took and tried to match them as closely as he could. He eventually was calmed enough down but he laid there, not wanting the moment to end as he was in peace.

kinda abrupt ending but i've wanted to finish this for a long time as it's super soft and i love it.