Everything I'm Not (GirlxGirl)

18. Old Flame

Warning: Explicit Sexual Content

Gray

I can't get it out of my mind. The look on her face, the pain in her eyes, it's eating me up from the inside.

Alvarrez never explicitly told me that she likes me. Yes, she flirts with me occasionally—something she does to anyone who comes on to her—but that's it.

That's why her reaction caught me off-guard. Maybe she likes me more than what she lets on? Whatever the case, I drew the line a long time ago. I had no time or interest in what she has to offer. Or at least I used to think that.

Now, I don't even know anymore.

The sound of my dogs' crying and barking shakes me from my thoughts. She's here. I take my time walking to the gate, in no hurry to see the person standing on the other side.

Relax, I tell myself. We're just going to talk. Nothing more.

Sofie tried to pounce on Janelle the moment she stepped one foot inside. She caught her paws with one arm, giggling, as she rubbed the side of Sofie's face with another. Perry was growling, Sammy was barking.

"Quiet," I say, my voice clipped, and they immediately calm down. Turning to Janelle, I say, "Let's talk inside."

She follows me shortly, giving Sofie one last pat on the head. "Since when did you like dogs?"

"Since you left."

That was meant to shut her up, but instead, she grabs my hand from behind and tugs, pulling me into an embrace. "Alex, I can't tell you how sorry I am," she whispers into my hair. "But it was necessary for us to be together."

Anger boils up from the pit of my stomach. I break away from her grip and turn to face her. "Necessary? Leaving me was necessary?"

Janelle runs both hands down her face. "I will tell you everything. But first, you need to calm down."

"Did you know," I ball my hands into fists. "How much shit I went through after you left? Did you know, that Jimmy delayed going into college just so he could stay with me when I needed him the most? Did you know," I hear my voice break. "That my mom died a month after you left?"

She puts a hand over her mouth, her green eyes wide, guilty. "Alex—"

"I laid in my bed for weeks, thinking about all the possible reasons why you could've left me. Did I do something wrong? Was it another woman? Did you find someone better? I almost lost my mind trying to wrap my head around the goddamn situation you put me through.

"Fuck you, Jan." I snap, my words dripping with venom. "Fuck you for leaving me when I needed you the most. Fuck you for leaving at all."

Her eyes were swimming in tears when she whispers, "I was engaged."

My heart stops—a lump forms in my throat. I try to speak, but no words come out.

"My dad arranged a marriage with the son of a CEO without my knowledge." She forces out a laugh. "You know my dad. You know how he operates."

An image forms in my mind. A tall man over 6′2 with his hands clasped behind his back. His crooked smile that never seemed to leave his face. I remembered the times I saw him shout at Jan for disobeying his orders. I remembered how Jan always seemed to have another bruise the day after. I remembered how much I despised him.

Jan continues. "At that point, I didn't care anymore. I ran away from home the moment I found out about the engagement."

My hands fall limp to my sides. "Why didn't you tell me?" I speak, barely a whisper.