Everything I'm Not (GirlxGirl)

32. Away

I miss my baby.

It's been three days since she left for Japan, and I'm realizing how much her presence has become an addiction for me. The room feels empty without her sitting next to me. I don't have anyone to annoy when I don't wanna listen to the teacher. And I miss her scent, most of all—that sweet green apple scent that wafts in the air whenever she's near.

She's been active in her Instagram account, posting pictures of the places she's visited. Every picture looks professionally taken, following the aesthetic of her feed. One particular photo caught my eye. It's a picture of her in front of the enormous Mt. Fuji wearing a very familiar navy blue hoodie with the caption, 'comfiest hoodie ever.'

Did I mention she also followed me back?

We've been FaceTime-ing every morning before I go to school. Japan is thirteen hours ahead, so it's nighttime there whenever she calls. Today, however, there's no call—just one text.

Jan is here.

That's the message I woke up to and it was enough to ruin my day. Since then, I haven't received a single message from her except for that one.

Troubled thoughts start to form in my mind. What if Jan planned it out to be a way to get Julia back? What if Julia realizes she really does love Jan and I'm nothing more than a fling?

I shake my head furiously. No. I trust Julia. I'll wait for her to text back and let me know what happened and why she's with her ex. God, what if they're sharing a room together for the next few days? I know it's not likely since they're stinking rich and can afford one penthouse suite for each one, but what if?

What if Janelle somehow managed to book the entire hotel they're staying at and somehow got Julia to share the room with her? I've seen Janelle, and I've seen how calculating those green eyes are.

I've seen how she looked at me like I was inferior to her, someone not worth her attention. I concede, of course, clearly she's more gifted on the physical aspects.

Another thing surfaces at the back of my mind. We never talked about her, did we? I never asked Julia if she's over her ex. I never asked why Janelle suddenly just disappeared and stopped showing up. Julia didn't see the need to tell me about it.

Am I just a pastime while her lover's away and she'll dispose of me the moment she comes back? How could I have been so blind?

My lunch doesn't seem that appetizing anymore. I stand up from my lunch table and start walking away.

"Hey, where you going?" Alyssa asks.

"Out." I don't wait for her reply and bolt out of the suffocating cafeteria.

I make my way to the only place in the school where I can relax with no one around to bother me. I push the metal door open and find myself in the landing of one of the fire exits of the school.

This has been my safe haven from the chaos of school whenever I feel down and shitty. Like now.

I light a cigarette and lean on the railings. Below is an alley that leads to the back of the school where the soccer field is located. No one actually dares to take this path because it's creepy.

The only people who know about this place are me, Kris, and Antonio the guard. He caught me smoking here once. He let me off easily because I was crying my eyes out. Other than the three of us, no one else knows I come here. Or at least that's what I thought.

I hear the door creak open. I turn around abruptly to see Diane standing on the door frame. "Dee. What are you doing here?"

She looks at me for a moment, then her eyes flit to the cigarette in my hand. "Why are you smoking inside campus?"