Chapter 19: You Doubt Me, So I'll Doubt Me Too.

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This was a sad day for a lot of people, Taehyung had something he needed to say to Jungkook. And it wasn't good news. He knew, this would be stupid, this would only hurt both of them. But he needed to do it. He needed to be honest, he couldn't lead Jungkook on, he felt horrible. It would only make the situation he's in endless, more difficult and more stressful. 

Taehyung has started to get distant from Jungkook, he feels Jungkook doesn't trust him, he feels Jungkook is so jealous and possessive because Jungkook thinks Taehyung can't be trusted. It makes him upset to think that his boyfriend would be paranoid when they should be trusting each other. Every moment with Jimin makes Jungkook a ticking time bomb, as if one wrong move could cause a fight. 

Taehyung wants a relationship where both ends can trust each other. Jealousy may have made him feel loved, it may have made it seem like Jungkook cared but...too much hurt Taehyung.

So, he decided he'd end the relationship. 

Taehyung thought it through a lot, and he feels this is the right decision.

The scared boy walked to Jungkook's house, knocking on the door hesitantly, gulping when the door knob twisted, his anxiety coming in the way of his chosen words, he'd hate to do this indelicately and hurt their friendship. He wanted to keep Jungkook as a friend, he cherishes him and would like to keep the world they created together. The world they ventured in at such a young age, the world that only they can see. The world at stake of being lost. 

But Taehyung didn't think he's Jungkook's world.

Jungkook's mum stood behind the door, smiling slightly, which only made Taehyung fall deeper into his pool of shame. What would everyone think? How could he hurt Jungkook? How could he do this? 

"Hello..good morning..C-can I speak to Jungkook?" Dohee smiled, nodding and letting the disquieted boy in. "Jungkook's in his room, sweetheart." Taehyung nodded, biting his lip and heading upstairs, opening the door and looking at Jungkook who seemed surprised by Taehyung's presence. 

"Hey, TaeTae!" Taehyung put his bag down, "Kookie.." Jungkook got up, setting his drawing book aside and kissing Taehyung, Taehyung holding back. "What's up, babe? Is something wrong? You seem troubled.."

"I-I...actually am.." Taehyung felt qualmish, nauseated. What if Jungkook hates him after this? Jungkook picked up the drawing book and pencil, adding a few details. "Talk to me, I'm here to listen~" Taehyung crossed his arms, sighing slightly, "We...we should break up." 

It was as if their world crashed, Jungkook dropped his drawing book and pencil, staring at Taehyung muddled and distraught, "W-what?"

"W-we should break up." Jungkook felt tears stinging his eyes and a lump in his throat, "Why?.. W-what did I do? I-If it's something with m-me, I c-could change?" Taehyung felt his heart crack, "J-Jungkook, no no no, I-I...s-sometimes think you're too possessive and I'm scared you don't trust me, it hurts to see a-a lover fight with you over a few actions...I'm so fucking sorry, Jungkook. I want to stay with you as a best f-friend but...relationship? For now at least, I can't.." Taehyung wiped Jungkook's sparkling tears and felt arms wrap around his waist. A slight whisper made him cry too, "That's because I love you..."

Taehyung sobbed on the others shoulder, guilt eating him up. "Tae...hey, don't f-feel guilty." Jungkook rubbed the others back, "If..you don't want to date me anymore, it's all o-okay." The crack in his voice wasn't reassuring. They both hugged, "T-Taehyung..." Taehyung pulled back, looking up, "I...what am I going to do? I..want you back..can I please change and become less possessive, less jealous? I'll do a-anything." Taehyung tilted his head, frowning slightly, "Don't change yourself for anyone, Kookie. You are an amazing person and...you might just not be meant for me." Jungkook found hope somewhere, the might lit his world up just a little bit.

"Well..you're definitely the one meant for me." 

Those words hurt Taehyung, what if he just lost it all? 

"C-can I kiss you one more time?" Jungkook hesitantly asked, Taehyung looked at the hopeful eyes and nodded slowly, Jungkook pulling him in and molding their lips together slowly. Taehyung felt comfortable, addicted. But he couldn't let his physical addiction overrun his emotional decision.

"I love you, Taehyung."

If only Taehyung could reply with the same. If only he could say, 'I love you too, Jungkook.'

Who knew it could go from perfect, from sharing their firsts, from loving each other without doubts, to a confusing rollercoaster of exactly that, doubts.

Taehyung picked up his bag, sighing again, "Bye, Kookie."

Taehyung let his thoughts take over when he left the room, 

'You doubted me in our relationship, so..I'll doubt me too. I'll doubt me in our relationship.'

Taehyung left the house, feeling empty, Jungkook sobbing over his drawing and cursing to himself. 

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You don't know what you've got until you lose it, be careful. <3




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